Oh ffs!

[Imsuchamess]

I went on a night out tonight. My very close female friend was out a guy I knew In high school and my friends partner (and Dhs friend).

I had to turn the guy I knew in highschool down 11 times when he began to be aggressive about it and tried manipulating me into sex. As my female friend who had very high heels on feet were killing I grabbed her partner to dance In order to get away from aggressive guy.

Well next thing I know my female friends partner is touching me inappropriately. So I go and sit down with my friend and aggressive guy. It's nearly the end of the night so I put up with aggressive guy. While making frequent trips to the loo to reduce contact.

My female friends partner whispers in my ear to Facebook message him in the morning. As we are getting a taxi female friend jumps in the front aggressive guy jumps in one side and as I have to get out first and being afraid to sit in the middle I suggest females friends partner jump In the middle aggressive guy starts complaining so female friends partner shoves me in the middle.

So I spend the taxi ride home with both men feeling a leg each. Most men are bastards!

So now I am sat here crying, I keep thing about all the things I could of done different to avoid this like being more forceful. I'm devastated because I now have to tell my friend.

She just text me asking if me and dh will go over tomorrow night to see her and her partner

Why are some men such utter ares wipes?

I have been put in a difficult position now as my friend is quite likely to believe her partner over me. My heart is breaking for her.

DoctorTwo - read the rest of that post. I wasn't blaming OP, I was exasperated that again a woman experiences embarrassment in such a situation.

Why? Because society tells us that we should? She should have felt fine telling them more forcefully, more in control.

But she has been back and explained why she didn't. She had other reasons.

imsuchamess, very sorry you were treated so badly. no way is this your fault.

Grr, I wrote another post but didn't post it before!

Maybe the friend didn't see what her boyfriend was doing or if she did was perhaps in denial. I can imagine that it would be difficult to process your partner's behaviour if they were doing things like that although perhaps he wasn't quite so brazen in front of her. Alcohol also inhibits people's perceptions so I don't think that OP's friend is to blame just her cock of a "D"P and their twat of a friend.

Also, the poster who asked OP why she didn't just leave - my mum drummed it into me from a young age that I must always stick with friends on a night out, never leave alone and never get into a taxi on my own. Maybe that's why? I know I wouldn't leave on my own.

We can go on any thread and say Op you shouldve... but society has manipulated women into silence when casual assualt happens like can be found experienced by so many on everydaysexism. The fault always lies with the person who assaults.

Op I dont know which country you are in but is there a rape crisis or similar there that can help you?

This was not your fault.

It is not acceptable for men to behave like this at any age.

It is not acceptable for men to behave this way, no matter how much they have drunk.

It is not acceptable to victim blame like some of the people on this thread have done, they should be ashamed of themselves.

only yesterday i was reflecting on how weird men are. they think if you've had sex with one, you'll have sex with them all. they really believe this. some also think they can have dibs on you by seeing you first or some such rubbish. when you get married, you notice that immediately, men you wouldn't have considered start trying it on. poor op, you were out without your husband and it made them think you were available. don't take that as advice to stay in - just hang around with more intelligent, sensible men. if you can find any.

i'm sure there must be nice, decent men who don't think like this. no, i'm not sure. i imagine there must be. somewhere.

"only yesterday i was reflecting on how weird men are. they think if you've had sex with one, you'll have sex with them all. they really believe this. "

Rather sweeping. Not all men think like this.

Dry your eyes, put it down to experience and see your friend without the letches around.

LOL at not all men think like this.

So what are the ones who don't, doing about the ones who do?

That's not their responsibility.

That's convenient for them.

Then they can wash their hands of the systematic abuse of women can't they, from which they benefit and pretend it's nothing to do with them.

I'm glad I know some men who don't think like that. Just like I'm glad I know white people who don't think like that about systemic racism.

Why is not responsibility of women then? You are being sexist in assuming that all men must bear the responsibility for a few male idiots.

Why is that? Just because the good guys happen to be men too?

D'you think it's the responsibility of black people to stop white people being racist, BeatingWings?

I don't.

I think it's white people's responsibility.

It's everyone's responsibility, male, female, black or white. I am saying it is not specifically a good man's responsibility to keep check on the bad guys just because they both happen to be men.

Women: don't expect men to have any solidarity with you!

Who do you think has the greater responsibility to stamp out oppression, Beatingwings: the people who are members of the oppressor group or the people who are members of the group being oppressed?

"Women: don't expect men to have any solidarity with you!"

I disagree

Sounds like that's what you're saying beatingwings.

It's not their problem/ responsibility.

Who do you think has the greater responsibility to fight oppression, the members of the oppressed group or those in the oppressor group?

I'm sorry this happened to you. You are not at fault in anyway. I'm so happy you made it home safely. How dare these men think they can touch a woman anytime they please! Perhaps if you want to continue seeing your friend, you could explain what happened and arrange to see her by herself..

Ps. It would not matter if you drunk off your feet, wearing a bikini, no one has the right to touch your body if you don't want them to.

Not your fault op. Disgusting replies.

Of course it is not the OPs fault but the world is a dangerous place and we can take steps to minimise our risks.

I wouldn't walk around Bangkox dripping with gold jewellery and an expensive camera around my neck. It would probably get stolen.
It would not be my fault but I can minimise my risks.

Yes these two guys were disgusting, but the OP already knew that when she entered a taxi with them.

Most people abhorr racism directed at any and all races/cultures but sexual assualt is accepted because we are still battling the attitudes that clothes, drunkiness, flirting or simply being a woman is reason for it. We would never suggest a black person was subjected to racism because he/her showed up with his/her black skin on show.

What the OP was subjected was truly awful, a man trying to force her into having sex by keeping her bank card, being touched and pestered and treated as some sort of walking vagina there to be fucked, simply because shes a woman.

OP, this is not your fault. Certain men just think they are God's Gift and so many of us have been conditioned to 'not raise a fuss, Dear'. What a deadly combination! I'll bet most of us have been in a similar situation at one time or another.

I'd tell your friends what happened, perhaps preface it with "Gee, I think your DP must've had a wee bit too much to drink" to soften the blow. Chances are they already know, though. They do have eyes and ears after all.

" the world is a dangerous place and we can take steps to minimise our risks."

Yes, being a man is a useful way to minimise the risks.

You're blaming her for getting in a taxi with them.

Do you really think she should have got a different taxi on the offchance that they were going to grope her in the taxi?

And yet if she had done, there would be people who would say she'd over-reacted, was being a drama queen, making a big deal out of it etc.

Women who men sexually harass can't win.

No I am not blaming her.
She should have made a big deal, what happened was wrong.

There had been overtures earlier in the evening that should have sent alarm bells ringing.

I lived in SE Asia. Would I have walked the streets wearing my shorts and skimpy top? No.
Would it have been my fault if if I had been attacked or illicited unwanted attention? No.
Did I press ahead anyway with my choice of skimpy attire? No. I covered my shoulders and legs.

To minimise risk.

Having two annoying guys pestering you, was most definitely not your fault. They were behaving like complete jerks.

However, you could have and should have spoken up.
'You're not funny' ' You're not sexy' 'I don't fancy you' ' Keep your hands to yourself'
No-one should ever feel they have to put up with being treated like that.