Oh ffs!

[Imsuchamess]

I went on a night out tonight. My very close female friend was out a guy I knew In high school and my friends partner (and Dhs friend).

I had to turn the guy I knew in highschool down 11 times when he began to be aggressive about it and tried manipulating me into sex. As my female friend who had very high heels on feet were killing I grabbed her partner to dance In order to get away from aggressive guy.

Well next thing I know my female friends partner is touching me inappropriately. So I go and sit down with my friend and aggressive guy. It's nearly the end of the night so I put up with aggressive guy. While making frequent trips to the loo to reduce contact.

My female friends partner whispers in my ear to Facebook message him in the morning. As we are getting a taxi female friend jumps in the front aggressive guy jumps in one side and as I have to get out first and being afraid to sit in the middle I suggest females friends partner jump In the middle aggressive guy starts complaining so female friends partner shoves me in the middle.

So I spend the taxi ride home with both men feeling a leg each. Most men are bastards!

So now I am sat here crying, I keep thing about all the things I could of done different to avoid this like being more forceful. I'm devastated because I now have to tell my friend.

She just text me asking if me and dh will go over tomorrow night to see her and her partner

Why are some men such utter ares wipes?

I have been put in a difficult position now as my friend is quite likely to believe her partner over me. My heart is breaking for her.

Askbasil you are right...op is in a horrible position. ..not only has she been assaulted and abused but she is being blamed for that...It beggars belief!! I have daughters aged 30 and 25....I would NEVER blame them for the atrocious behaviour of men....It makes me very sad that other women may do so

So you are saying she should have minimised risk by not getting into a taxi with them and putting up with the accusations of drama queening?

As for the "she should have" etc., really fuck off. No-one "should have" to do anything when they are a victim of sexual harassment. People should support them and not tell them that they handled it wrongly.

What a horrible horrible evening. I would tell my friend about her partners behaviour, whether she believes you or not is another thing.

I too am horrified at some of these replies. If a woman is touched inappropriatly the only person at fault is the one doing the touching.

Why are we still teaching women how not to be raped instead of telling men not to rape or molest women.

Some of the attitudes on here suck.

She should have made a big deal

However, you could have and should have spoken up.

If you weren't there, it's very difficult to say what a woman should have done. I believe that when a woman is threatened, assaulted etc she is in the best position to know what to do in order to get away as safely as possible.

Some of the people on here are part of the problem.

It's one of the reasons women don't speak out about harassment and abuse - because they know people have attitudes like some of the posters here and won't support them, but will condemn them for not having responded in the "correct" way.

"Why are we still teaching women how not to be raped instead of telling men not to rape or molest women. "

em-because we live in the real world.

Sexual violence is never a woman's fault but we can minimise our risks. There are horrible people around.

A street in my city is notorious for drunken Friday night fights. Would I go there for a stroll at 2am? No.

Nor would I get into a Taxi with two men who had been touching me inappropriately.

wings The way to stop unwanted sexual touching in the back of the taxi is to keep your hands to yourself. Don't touch a woman who has not given you an indication that she would welcome this.

Nor would I get into a Taxi with two men who had been touching me inappropriately.

Why do you decide that women shouldn't be allowed to get in to taxis? Surely it makes more sense for men not to be allowed to get in to taxis?

We can change the real world if we want to beatingwings, but attitudes like your's make that more difficult.

You are part of the problem. Telling someone who has responded in a different way to the way you think you would have responded and blaming her for not doing so, is in fact dumping the responsibility of dealing with sexual harassment onto her and is victim-blaming, whether you acknowledge that or not. The responsibility for sexual harassment lies with the men who perpetrate it, not with the women who are victims of it.

The most effective way of minimising the risk of rape, is not to have any relationships with men. But that is not possible for most women, so it's much better to concentrate on encouraging men to take responsibility for their behaviour rather than concentrating on getting women to take responsibility for men's behaviour.

All very idealistic but I will encourage my daughter to take steps to protect herself and minimise her risks. As I have learned to do.

To clear some things up and give people a better idea. I live in a rough area and our taxi was booked. Had I of left alone then I would have had a ten minute walk through dark streets alone. Not only that but I was scared the aggressive man may follow me and I would be on my own.

Secondly he was also harassing another young girl who told him after about 30 minutes fuck off you cunt. He started squaring up to her attempting to intimidate her. Four other men from the pub stepped in at this point and he backed down. So that left me scared to be too forceful.

However now I think back I think saying to him when he asked any chance of sex? 100% no chance in the world. Is making it very clear that I don't want this to continue.

As for the partners behaviour well I was already upset and weak from the other guy. I didn't want to upset my friend in a crowded club.

Oh and as attire was mentioned I was wearing leggings and a dress which showed no cleavage and had long sleeves with flat shoes. I had my hair straightened and down and only foundation on.

beatingwings the Op had two shitty choices. Get into a taxi with two horrible men and her friend or stand on the street alone, vulnerable and upset waiting for a lift or a taxi. One is no better than the other.
Any blame is blame.

Given that if your DD is raped, it's most likely to be by her boyfriend, husband, work colleague or friend, I presume you'll be telling her not to have any of those then beatingwings?

Her life will be very limited if so.

How interesting that you're not actually answering any direct questions. Anyone might almost think that you're here on this thread merely to stir a bit.

OP, sorry you had such a crap night due to these idiots. Some of these replies though are ridiculous (hope you can see that for yourself). Blimey... The one that really got me was the one asking why your husband wasn't out with you (!) Also the one suggesting you are lucky to have all the male attention. Being sexually harrassed/ in appropriately touched does not make you feel good (never thought if have to say that) and it is not your 'due' because you went out without your husband. So f-ing insulting to women to suggest it.

OP it makes me pretty sad that you feel - due to what some posters have said here - that you have to say what you were wearing and what make-up you had on. You don't need to justify yourself, you've done nothing wrong. They behaved badly. End of story. I'd have this discussion somewhere more sensible and sympathetic if I are you

All very idealistic but I will encourage my daughter to take steps to protect herself and minimise her risks. As I have learned to do.

Really beatingwings? And what will you tell your daughter if she wakes up one night and finds herself being raped by her boyfriend or husband? Will you tell her that she shouldn't have got into bed with them even though she is in a relationship with them? Will you tell her she asked for it? Will you tell her it's to be expected? What steps will you tell your daughter to take to stop that from happening? Cut herself off from the outside world? Never be alone with men? Never have a relationship with a man? Because that is the only way a woman can protect herself from rape! By having no contact whatsoever with men!

Attitudes like yours make me sick! You are part of the problem!

OP you don't have to justify what you were wearing. You could have been completely naked with a big "come fuck me" sign on your head and it still wouldn't have been your fault! Men like this are the ones at fault. They think they have a right to any woman they like and they are denied it they get aggressive and abusive. I hope you never have to cross paths with these 2 fucker again.

It would be a shame if it effected your friendship with your female friend though. Hopefully you can try and see her when her dickhead partner isn't around.

The op went for a drink with people she knew. She didn't put herself in any unnecessary danger. This highlights how women in society are objectified.

I think some of you really need to examine your attitudes.

Did you tell your friend in the end op?

Thanks for all the supportive messages. I intend to tell my friend in person her partner is off work for a few days so I will see her when he is back in work.

All very idealistic but I will encourage my daughter to take steps to protect herself and minimise her risks.

What steps are these? As others have said, as an adult she's most at risk from her partner. If she's a child, she's most at risk from you, your friends and your relatives.

secretwitch I agree, not the OP's fault at all.

However the world is not an ideal place and there are steps we can take to minimise our risks.

So, maybe op should just stay at home from now on.

However the world is not an ideal place and there are steps we can take to minimise our risks.

What steps are these? As others have said, as an adult she's most at risk from her partner. If she's a child, she's most at risk from you, your friends and your relatives.

It's peoples attitudes that needs to change. Then these entitled fuckwits might start viewing a woman as a person.