I have never been so unhappy

[Blossomflowers]

Sorry me again, posting about the same old rubbish. Don't know how I have got in such a mess. Just to remind split from X of 20 years, NC for months. We have some how got to the situation where he stays here several nights of the week and every weekend. Our relationship is much improved but there are still big issues with his drinking and odd behaviour sometimes. Will just runaway to his little pad if things get too much for him.

I was OLD but not seeing anyone else atm, I would feel guilty. I am in such a mess moneywise just feel I am going to drown, and just totally adrift, the only thing keeping on the straight and narrow is DS, I just can't see a point in anything, feeling really hopeless, I have to say I have never felt so low in my life and just don't know how to even start getting myself out of this. Don't really know why I am posting but just needed to vent I suppose. Kick up the ass maybe

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Oh too bad, was he the more local of the two? Excuse my nosiness, vicarious thrils, what can I say.

Yy rewriting history, that's the phrase.

[mistlethrush]

I suppose it was your fault that he was drunk in bed too - You awful woman, forcing alcohol down his throat!



I hope the next date is better - but it got you out of the house anyway!

[Blossomflowers]

Sadly he was the local one, but am talking to several others, I will be out on dates this weekend as refuse to sit here alone feeling sorry for myself.
lisa nah not brave what do I have to loose. My fault with X I started the conversation, he does not want to see me anymore, I have been a tempstress apparently, and he has no free will

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Well hope next date is less coarse/rough around the edges, must say you have never had any problem setting up dates, you must have got your profile just right.

[Blossomflowers]

I could have a date every night, but I that is men. I don't look bad for my age and look considerably younger, but I find it a bit exhausting and really hard to pick the right ones to meet. I knew this guy would not be for me but sometimes you have give it a try and he was local which would be really great.
mistle I know what a prat, cheeky sod would lay in bed to 1.00 on days he was in his sad little flat, and was to do with his panic attacks, I expect I will get the blame for those too. I can't work out if he is a totally self entitled prick or really believes his own bullshit. Apparently he going to text me later.

[Blossomflowers]

Oh I hope I do not sound arrogant,

[mistlethrush]

Nope, you sound like the person that was around last time you managed to shed the hanger-oner - one with confidence, get up and go and knowledge that you can do this. Very pleased to hear it back again.

So what if he texts you later - you don't need to read it as its clearly nothing to do with DS, so there's obviously no urgency to it. When (if) you do read it there's no need to reply - what business is it of yours?

[Blossomflowers]

Cheeky fucker asked for password for Paypal account, will not be replying. Been speaking to lovely chap and wow he looks lovely too, hopefully we are meeting on Saturday pm/evening. Asked XP if he will have DS after night fishing reply was " will have DS whilst you are out shagging" nice

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

He takes the .

[Blossomflowers]

I have decided to go away for the night on Saturday, DS is going night fishing so texted XP to ask if he can take DS back to his place and maybe spend Sunday together as it is fathers day. Got back yea will have him so you can enjoy shagging. Then had loads of horrible texts saying he finds it disgusting and sick I am OLD, some sadly I did engage. Last one was about 1.40m this time telling me he loves me. I am so angry and upset, the man is sick. Does he actually think I should sit here on my own

[mistlethrush]

Blossom, of course he does. You are only there to serve him. Stop thinking that you're a strong, independant woman with their own life and get back to your required position at his feet, waiting on his every whim.

I hope you have a good night out on Saturday night, and do what you want to and don't have the thought of ex looking over your shoulder all the way....

[LisaMed]

No, you should not sit in on your own, you should beg him to go back and promise to give him more money and less grief.

Are you pinging that elastic band? He is not your problem. His problems are not your problems. As your DS is getting older then while you can be supportive of your ds, how your ex affects your ds is getting less and less of your problem (within reason).

hugs

There are two campaigns in our house - one for a kitten and one for a puppy. As the house is currently being over run with small children from various neighbours, neither are happening until after the summer holiday. I miss evil cat but father and dh both love dogs. See - much more fun to think about kittens and puppies. I know it isn't that easy, but I think it is worth working at.

more hugs.

[Blossomflowers]

Thanks. I know I should not engage but feel I have to defend myself. He does not want to be with me so why the vileness.

[LisaMed]

Just because he doesn't want to be with you doesn't mean you should stop giving him money/attention.

Are you sure about him not wanting you? I think he is being vile because you don't want him.

This vileness and attacks - they are not about what he thinks of you really. They are about getting a reaction from you and about expression how devastated he is that you are getting on without him. You were supposed to crumble, it isn't FAIR.

That's my guess anyway.

Can you promise yourself that you will not reply to anything for at least an hour. That will give you time to think about what he wants to get out of this. Is he looking to use you as a punchbag? If so any reply is going to give him more opportunities.

Good luck.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Awww you struck a nerve he feels all left out, boo hoo. But really DO NOT TEXT BACK.

Remember the advice on MN "Do not feed the trolls". It only encourages him if you reply.

No more rising to the bait Blossom!

Happy Fathead's Day to ex this Sunday.

[Blossomflowers]

lisa think are right, think he is trying to convince himself he does not want me and hating himself because he does. last lot of were text about how much he loved me and basically he will never find someone like me. I try my best not to reply.
donkey and mislte as always good posts

[winkywinkola]

You're doing amazingly. He doesn't like that. Hence the attacks. Try to ignore them and keep things matter of fact and about arrangements fords only.

[Isetan]

Disengage, disengage, disengage. Everytime you reply to one of his non-contact related texts you're just fueliing his fire with oxygen. You do not owe this man an explanation or an apology for living, him and his opinions are not important. Break the cycle.

[Blossomflowers]

Thank you, I don't feel very amazing, cried myself to sleep last and feeling a bit battered and bruised mentally. But got up this morning, took kids to school and back home working now, hope to get out in the garden later as bought some plants yesterday. Oh and just had a lovely message from man I am hoping to meet tomorrow.

[Blossomflowers]

Just snuck outside and planted some seeds, (courgettes) how sad am I getting excited about seeds

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Gardens can be healing I totally agree .

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

That must make me a saddo too

[Blossomflowers]

love gardening actually just heart not in lately so quite a big to go to garden centre yesterday and but plants and veg, silly as that sounds.
I have to text XP about having DS as he still has not commited. Bastard has every day to himself and I ask him for one night and day in months and is making like difficult

[Scornedwoman67]

Hi Blossom
I've been unable to get on here for ages as my app won't work but I've just logged on at work & am sorry you're feeling this way. You need to try and disengage from him as much as possible and absolutely resist the temptation to reply to his texts unless they are about the practicalities of childcare.
Other than that just to say good luck for the date and keep your chin up x

[Blossomflowers]

Thanks scorned he is being a total dick, this is the first time I have asked him to have DS to stay and I get thus crap. It is not like it will cramp his style I believe DS is here then I can not get up to anything. What a control freak