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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I have never been so unhappy

504 replies

Blossomflowers · 05/06/2014 16:40

Sorry me again, posting about the same old rubbish. Don't know how I have got in such a mess. Just to remind split from X of 20 years, NC for months. We have some how got to the situation where he stays here several nights of the week and every weekend. Our relationship is much improved but there are still big issues with his drinking and odd behaviour sometimes. Will just runaway to his little pad if things get too much for him.

I was OLD but not seeing anyone else atm, I would feel guilty. I am in such a mess moneywise just feel I am going to drown, and just totally adrift, the only thing keeping on the straight and narrow is DS, I just can't see a point in anything, feeling really hopeless, I have to say I have never felt so low in my life and just don't know how to even start getting myself out of this. Don't really know why I am posting but just needed to vent I suppose. Kick up the ass maybe

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Blossomflowers · 08/06/2014 12:24

Am feeling very shaky and nervous today.

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mistlethrush · 08/06/2014 15:32

Can you have a cup of tea and something Blossom?

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 08/06/2014 16:23

If I feel tense I sometimes do this, on my bed, curtains shut. If you prefer, use a floor and lie on a blanket or exercise mat.
Lie on your back with your calves and feet supported by either pillows or something solid wrapped in a throw or towel.
Rest the soles of your (clean!) feet against a wall.
Rest your arms by your sides, either palms down or facing up.
If you have something like an eye gel pad, put that on for extra relaxation.
If it's comfier Blossom place a pillow or a folded blanket under your head.

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Blossomflowers · 08/06/2014 17:06

Thanks donkey still no news. We have heard nothing yet about whether he was arrested. Took family out for a pub lunch, a couple of hours distraction. Had £50 worth vouchers for the local so nearly covered it.

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 08/06/2014 20:46

Sounds a nice lunch out. But try not to torture yourself as to whether or not he was apprehended. By a fluke he may have already accepted a lift from someone else that evening. If he is prone to drink driving he'll get caught one day.

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Blossomflowers · 09/06/2014 09:43

Well seems they did not catch him on Saturday, as you say donkey only a matter of time though. Police told me they are actually running a special campaign fro next month. Had terrible nights sleep but will try and get lots of work done.

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Blossomflowers · 09/06/2014 11:42

Sod it am going out on a date later this week. Just would be nice to meet up with different people, take things very slowly. I have been in limbo for a couple months now, my self esteem is on the floor.

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 09/06/2014 11:45

I am so pleased to read this. You had just started sounding refreshed and upbeat when the rewind button got pressed.

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Blossomflowers · 09/06/2014 11:55

I kind of stupidly I thought we could have given things another go, but he has just proved again that drink is far more important. One day he will come out of his drink filled haze a realise he has lost everything. even boys are not bothered about seeing him atm

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LisaMed · 09/06/2014 12:04

Sending big hugs and have a great time.

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mistlethrush · 09/06/2014 12:07

Good news - and something to look forward to too. Grin and Thanks

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Jan45 · 09/06/2014 12:12

Well never mind all the other reasons, do you even want to be associated with a drunk driver, I think not.

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Blossomflowers · 10/06/2014 17:05

Bloody DR letters are still being sent here so no option but to text him details of appointment as having an ultrasound, could be something serious. Not spoken with XP since Friday, finding it hard and am really lonely now, kind of got into a pattern. He really obviously does not give a shit. ho hum

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LisaMed · 10/06/2014 17:28

Why did you send him the details of the appointment?

Normally it is the right thing to do, but I think you need to make it clear to the drs that you cannot pass on the messages as you are no longer in contact with him.

Sending big hugs - it's tough.

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mistlethrush · 11/06/2014 09:38

Ring the surgery and tell them that he no longer lives with you and give them a phone number.

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 11/06/2014 09:43

.

When are you meeting your date? Sorry that sounds crass. But it will be a couple of hours not thinking about you know who.

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Blossomflowers · 11/06/2014 10:23

Anytime I want donkey I think, I am chatting to 2 guys, one wants to go for lunch tomorrow but a bit worried about work load, might meet other chap who is very local next couple of evening for a couple of beers. Local chap I talked to for an 1.5 the other night was got on so well, not so impressed by looks but know I should keep an open mind. Would be a welcome distraction.

Oh and tooth fell out last night, well save me £50 @ the dentist. LOL

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 11/06/2014 15:55

Hope the tooth fairy is tall dark handsome and solvent.

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Blossomflowers · 11/06/2014 16:02

donkey lol, some how I don't think so but will be fun to get out of the house for a couple of hours. Sadly DS1 just texted asked if I could babysit but had to say no. Probably get slagged off in the family. Seem to be expected to drop everything for them.

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 11/06/2014 16:15

I was going to ask about DS1 and family when you commented about feeling lonely. Babysitting might have been a distraction but you are allowed to say no when you have plans or it doesn't suit you.

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Blossomflowers · 12/06/2014 10:06

Well date was rubbish, I can do far better. Had a txt from X this morning, that I was always making him stay ( think drink drive episodes) and it was all getting too much, he has to earn money bur can not do that if in bed hung over all the time, oh and I do his head in. What a a self entitled cock, sorry had to rant

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 12/06/2014 10:08

He spins everything to his own sorry perspective. What a chump.

Shame about the date last night. Please tell me he wasn't wearing a wedding ring.

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 12/06/2014 10:10

Mind you nothing ventured, nothing gained, it was still worth the effort, next please!

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Blossomflowers · 12/06/2014 10:14

Nah nothing like that, just a bit course seemed a nice guy and he wanted to meet up again, just could envisage introducing him the family and friends. Don't want to hurt his feeling. XP is a dick, I did reply and said stop rewriting history.

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LisaMed · 12/06/2014 10:44

Well x got what he wanted out of that - a reply. And now you are thinking of him, so you are getting dragged down again. And if you are low enough he'll be able to creep back in and get domestic services and funding.

btw you are far braver than I am to try on line dating. The thought would terrify me.

Sending lots of hugs because it really isn't that easy.

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