I have never been so unhappy

[Blossomflowers]

Sorry me again, posting about the same old rubbish. Don't know how I have got in such a mess. Just to remind split from X of 20 years, NC for months. We have some how got to the situation where he stays here several nights of the week and every weekend. Our relationship is much improved but there are still big issues with his drinking and odd behaviour sometimes. Will just runaway to his little pad if things get too much for him.

I was OLD but not seeing anyone else atm, I would feel guilty. I am in such a mess moneywise just feel I am going to drown, and just totally adrift, the only thing keeping on the straight and narrow is DS, I just can't see a point in anything, feeling really hopeless, I have to say I have never felt so low in my life and just don't know how to even start getting myself out of this. Don't really know why I am posting but just needed to vent I suppose. Kick up the ass maybe

[LisaMed]

I missed this yesterday.

I don't often get assertive on here, but this is my opinion...

Do not see your ex. Do not talk to him. Do not text him. Do not contact him. If there needs to be contact between him and DS then it is up to your ex to sort it out tho tbh I think if he thinks he can't get his feet back under the table he will not bother with DS. Is DS still seeing counsellors after the damage your ex did?

Put an elastic band around your wrist and every time you think of your ex ping it against your wrist. Stop reading this, go get an elastic band and put it around your wrist...

...now you are back, listen carefully. You are a smart, able person who has carried a lot of dead weight for a long, long time. You are going into the unknown which is a scary place. It is easier to slip back in to what you know - especially if the awful rawness of how you and your son were treated wears off. This is the tough bit. Keep away from that ex of yours for a few months and you will be massively better.

I know it's easy for me to say, I'm not in your position, but you have a lot of resources available. You have mumsnet for a start, and that is worth a LOT! Sending lots of hugs and keep pinging that elastic band.

btw thank you for reporting your ex. I don't think I am near you, but I am very grateful that there is potentially less chance of either me or someone I love being hit by a drunk, careless, mentally ill driver who is on a path to self destruction. Good luck.

[Butterflyspring]

I agree with Lisa. Wholeheartedly.

[Blossomflowers]

I know but feeling really guilty also called back and gave the police his business ( but they already knew) He will be totally fucked now.

[winkywinkola]

Well, he's not as fucked as he would be if he'd killed or injured someone driving in that state.

What a wanker. Sorry but only wankers drink and drive.

You did absolutely the right thing. You would be guilty if you hadn't reported him.

I am planning to let two of my bedrooms to foreign students.

Check your local colleges to see if they run English language courses where foreign students need a place to stay. Or google homestay.

Get some money in that way.

[Blossomflowers]

I felt sick callling the police but know was the right thing to do. He has has been doing it for too long, his business will be fucked, in one way I am so sorry for him but he has brought this on himself. I was so worried about him today thinking he was in trouble, only for DS to get a text from a school buddy saying his dad was there getting pissed up, oh how humiliating.

[Butterflyspring]

Drink driving is just a hideous crime - you have totally done the right thing reporting. By telling the police you may have saved somebody's life - I think you are very brave.

[Blossomflowers]

omg I gave them the place and name of sign written vehicle and where he was, that's it then now, I know he is wrong but feel so bad

[Blossomflowers]

butterfly I feel sick this will be the end of his business but have told him so many times and our friends also. I do not feel brave

[mistlethrush]

Blossom - how would you feel if you found out that he'd killed someone or some people on his way home? And it wouldn't just be you feeling it it would be their relation, friends, dependants. Drink driving is awful. You did the right thing.

Now, how are you going to get sorted out so that you can immerse yourself in some work? And can you use some physical energy to tidy out the spare room to give yourself some 'time off' work? Make sure that you get out and have some fresh air too.

[Butterflyspring]

he chose to drink and drive - he will now have to suffer the consequences. Has he been arrested?

[Blossomflowers]

I tried to wrestled the keys off him the other night I hate his drinking and driving, now I think I have done the right thing. Still no news might be tonight or next couple of days I suppose, his card is now marked

[Blossomflowers]

butterfly Not sure how I would know at this stage as kept my identify secret

[springydaffs]

Have you been to Al Anon, Blossom? For people in a relationship with an alcoholic (he may deny he's an alcoholic but evidence suggests he probably is). Having a relationship with an addict is sooooooo painful because they already have their lover and have no interest in investing in any other love. There is often an addictive element to a relationship with an addict - I think it comes under codependence (have a look at CoDA to see if it rings any bells. It may be why you feel so much guilt, too.

Well done for reporting him, you have done the right thing, even though it has been very hard to do

[Blossomflowers]

I know he is an alcholic and know he has MH issues but enough is enough, there have been so many occasions when he could have killed an innocent person/s . I hate myself right now though

[mistlethrush]

Think of the people (including himself) that you could well have saved by your phone call this evening

[springydaffs]

erm you're getting his self-loathing mixed up with yours. He's the one who has endangered other peoples lives, not you. You have potentially just saved somebody/s life, as mistle says. Nothing to hate yourself about there.

[Blossomflowers]

I know I spoke with my sister tonight she said he needs to hit rock bottom. i still have not heard if anything has happened about call yet.

[winkywinkola]

You hate yourself? Well that's pretty fucked up perspective there for you. He's clearly done a grand job on you. Thank goodness you reported him for drink driving.

Would you rather someone died instead of him losing his business?

It is up to him whether he drinks and drives. He doesn't have to do it, you know.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Teens can be pretty self-absorbed and they don't always see things from our viewpoint but as much as you protect DS, at some stage he is going to ask questions about his dad and his behaviour. Please don't flagellate yourself if and when that happens. He is a grown man and ill or not at different times has made his own choices.

[Blossomflowers]

winky It was a big decision to call the police, but I did, IF they take action his life will be over, I do not drink and drive ever.

[Blossomflowers]

donkey hl ds not back yet makes me really worried, he is 14 but still

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Sorry Blossom zonked out so missed your last post.

What time did DS roll in? Of all the nights of the week Saturday is one of the two nights he can be out late but 14 you still want to know who he's with and where he's going. A head's up that he has 'missed a bus' (that old story) if he hasn't already cleared it with you about staying out late for a specific event isn't too much to ask.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

PS Next time ask him to phone/text you to check in while he's out. Set a time for getting home again. And like the marines he and his mates should never leave a man behind.

[louby44]

Blossom just catching up on your latest posts! That must have been very tough to ring the police - but it needed to be done! I too am stuck with money issues - luckily those will be sorted once our house sells.

LisaMed does the elastic band thing actually work? I am sick of thinking about my ex. I so wish their was a switch to turn all thoughts of him off. It's driving me mad.

[Blossomflowers]

Morning, DS rolled in late did text if he could stay @ friends but came home anyway, we are in village so all walking distance. I have no idea if XP was arrested but if not last night they will catch him driving soon as he always drinks and drives. Not sure what happens then get gets caught. For example last weekend he drank 6 pints of guiness, 3 bottles of wine and half a bottle of Whisky, And still drove ( hence me trying to wrestle keys of him) I lost. Of course in his warped mind I was trying to make him stay with you. Weirdo