I have never been so unhappy

[Blossomflowers]

Sorry me again, posting about the same old rubbish. Don't know how I have got in such a mess. Just to remind split from X of 20 years, NC for months. We have some how got to the situation where he stays here several nights of the week and every weekend. Our relationship is much improved but there are still big issues with his drinking and odd behaviour sometimes. Will just runaway to his little pad if things get too much for him.

I was OLD but not seeing anyone else atm, I would feel guilty. I am in such a mess moneywise just feel I am going to drown, and just totally adrift, the only thing keeping on the straight and narrow is DS, I just can't see a point in anything, feeling really hopeless, I have to say I have never felt so low in my life and just don't know how to even start getting myself out of this. Don't really know why I am posting but just needed to vent I suppose. Kick up the ass maybe

I am not eating well, if anything I am eating loads of rubbish, I know this does not help but it is more than that right now. I actually feel slighty unhinged. I just wish I could walk away from it all.

If you're sure it isn't physical but other stuff getting on top of you it still sounds exhausting and debilitating. I'm sorry.

Oh god feeling so pathetic asked FW out for a beer tonight, strangely comforting and feeling a bit better WTAF.

I'd say "Whatever works" but if you have a moment read this.

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/relationship-insanity-understanding-why-you-feel-tempted-to-go-back-and-repeat-your-pattern-with-your-pain-source

I could have taken up several date offers tonight but do you know what I just cannot drum up the energy it takes, talking and having a beer with Fw seems easier and more comforting. Besides I am quite keen on MrItalian and might see how that pans out. You all probably thing I am mad. Will try and read later donkey again thanks for your support

Good morning Blossom how did your evening go?

I wonder if the roof got fixed yesterday.

Hi donkey evening ok, very tearful FW text me this morning asking if I need anything, to which I replied yes a new life. No builder did not turn up again, FW is hassling him.

Has FW taken DS fishing as arranged?

Going back to Mr Italian. Are we talking Frankie Dettori short but charming and sparky or Claudio Marchisio not 6 foot but ahem athletic and gorgeous eyes?

donkey Yes FW took DS fishing, he bought me and DS lunch on Saturday and took me for lunch yesterday, he is also being hugely supportive about family rift that has developed, I have another thread running about it, really horrible situation.
Re MRItalian he is lovely, tall, athletic, reasonbly good looking and a really lovely person I think. Hope will see him again tonight.

Glad ex kept his promise to DS.

I am sorry if that row with DS1's gf is rumbling on.

Mr Italian sounds like a breath of fresh air.

Thanks donkey Sadly argument is now out of my control, she is totally vile, presume you have seen the thread.?
Will keep posted and Mr Italian.

Hope your date with Mr Italian went well. (Blatant nosiness).

Donkey yes very well, we are going out again tomorrow night, wants to take me for a nice meal ( he will not let me pay anything, feel a bit guilty)

FW in touch every day and is still trying to contact builder friend, have asked him why he cannot do the work himself? he is very capable. Has been doing afternoon school run which has been helpful. No contact from DS1, oh dear.

Date first : how nice Blossom Don't feel awkward if he buys you a meal. Maybe another time offer to cook?

Daily call from ex: not so good.
Him picking DS2 up from school: useful. Does he just drop him off or come in too?

DS1: it is a marathon not a sprint, hope he realises you are there for him.

Have a lovely time tonight Blossom!

donkey all pleasant stuff from FW, he is coming to fix my bathroom tap tomorrow after school run, I am going out tomorrow as you know so not an option him hanging around. And said will do back door next week
Re DS1 last txt I sent I simply said he knows where I am if he needs me.
mistle thanks, BBQ tonight with friends and dinner with Mr Italian tomorrow. Busy week.

It will be a relief to get tasks on the list completed.

Shall let you get on with getting ready for tonight, ciao bella

donkey date is tonight lol, Will let you know how it goes, already have a few txts from him so seems keen.

Great! Hope you enjoyed the barbecue.

Hi Blossom just to say have caught up with you on the other thread I feel a bit of an interloper gatecrashing that one, so posting here. But just to say, knowing how edgy men can get about performing, any manner of factors could have affected him psychologically on Saturday, he will have replayed events over in his head many times by now and will be so disappointed. Obviously the ball is in your court so to speak but er, dancing with a new partner after a long break,he might be a bit rusty...?

Thanks donkey I have made allowances and understand how hard ( or not) it can be and I would give him another chance but now up to him to try. I have also had time to reflect and sadly think he might me all talk and no action. I am not chasing him, especially after what I have been through.

Totally up to you, of course, {"understand how hard ( or not) it can be" Blossom!}.

Perhaps I being harsh and seeking perfection, having been in a virtual sexless relationship for years just cannot face that to be an issue. Am gutted actually, it was going so well. I am sure he is feeling horrible and wish we could have talked about it but needs to come from him. I don't want to bring up and make things worse

It's perfectly all right to value intimacy you aren't asking for the moon. And after the drought living with ex, naturally you want to establish a physical side to a new relationship.

For that reason if you do contact Mr Italian or vice versa I think it's important not to be ultra nonchalant or dismissive. Because it is important. And feigning anything else is giving him a message you aren't fussed when you very much are.

If you still think there's a chance for improvement (and I don't mean 'fixing', you're not a therapist) I would simply say it was good to see him on Saturday and Rome wasn't built in a day it would be nice to carry on getting to know him.

I am in two minds donkey, he has been in touch and would like to meet up on Thursday. Have been thinking a lot and getting great thoughts in the dating thread. I think someone is either sensual/sexual or their not. If I was looking for another brother he would be great.