I have never been so unhappy

[Blossomflowers]

Sorry me again, posting about the same old rubbish. Don't know how I have got in such a mess. Just to remind split from X of 20 years, NC for months. We have some how got to the situation where he stays here several nights of the week and every weekend. Our relationship is much improved but there are still big issues with his drinking and odd behaviour sometimes. Will just runaway to his little pad if things get too much for him.

I was OLD but not seeing anyone else atm, I would feel guilty. I am in such a mess moneywise just feel I am going to drown, and just totally adrift, the only thing keeping on the straight and narrow is DS, I just can't see a point in anything, feeling really hopeless, I have to say I have never felt so low in my life and just don't know how to even start getting myself out of this. Don't really know why I am posting but just needed to vent I suppose. Kick up the ass maybe

Good luck with Thursday's date!

So you are planning to put the house up for sale, that's a big leap forward.

Hope DS didn't test to many boundaries over the rest of the holiday. Back in the day, my DCs were almost relieved to get back to school by the end of the long break.

Oh, and big @ kittens.

donkey I need to sale but want to avoid going into rental this house was supposed to be my pension. I am very worried for the future but feel have no choice. FW has promised help me get it ready to put on the market but talk is cheap. When I think about him it makes me angry.
Have another date arranged for Friday, could have another Saturday but think will stick with these two other there great danger of me getting rather confused

No shortage of possible dates Blossom good for you. I can't comment on FW fancying you or not but after the saga of the past year and him hovering I'd be amazed if he were only there for DS - I wouldn't say he is indifferent or immune to your charms.

I forget, did you talk to a financial advisor?

donkey I have a meeting on the 15th but really need to talk to someone sooner, struggling to find someone around here.

You are right, seems FW very keen to meet up but he claims he does not see me in that way anymore, probably not true but you never know with him, he is a bit odd. His dad used to go to his Mums for Sunday lunch after they divorced.

For DS's sake it's good to stay on civil terms but frustrating when he promises something then lets you down.

I know I sound like a stuck record about getting financial advice.

Well I laid things on the line yesterday with FW, seem to have grown a backbone lately. Has agreed to pay X amount a month, going to pay for repairs to the house and will be picking son up from school each day as of next week. Oh and coming over to clear Chicken pen. Oh lets see.

My goodness! That was nice to read. How do you feel today?

Sounds like a really good list of things. I hope that he achieves at least 50% of them. Hopefully the money one as a minimum.

donkey I am ok, also had a really lovely date last night. Wants to meet again, feeling strangely guilty, what the hell is all that about.
mistle I am sceptical

Ooh did wonder!

Re: feeling guilty. Suppose it's no good me or anyone here telling you DON'T!?

Perhaps it's mixed up with why you're dating.

Don't let me put words in your mouth but I thought you wanted to meet someone who you'd have some fun and friendship with.
What's wrong with dating to make you feel better about yourself?

The only reason for feeling guilty as I see it would be, if you fixed dates and told ex purely to get back at ex and show him what he’s missing.

I don't tell FW that I am going on dates as I see it it is none of his business. I suppose if he asked me outright I would be truthful.
You are right donkey I have no reason to feel guilty, maybe because for once I really liked this person and maybe something could possibly come of it.The fact that he is Italian (swoon) and has a place over there has nothing to do with it, now that would be fun.

Agree it's none of his business Blossoms so with that in mind hope you arrange another date with this Italian

Hopefully Sunday if he get back in time after dropping daughter off. Had text a few times today so seems keen.

Hope you had a good weekend Blossom!

mistle ok thanks, you?. Kittens keeping me busy. FW came over for food ( which he bought) Promised to take stuff to the dump this morning but not turned up yet. He promises lots but rarely seems to happen. He is absolutely broke so has not given me money yet, trying to sell some things, fair enough

So have a 2nd date with MrItlalian tonight, had some nice texts from him without being over the top.

Good, something nice to look forward to.

We've had my parents up for the weekend... posh dinner some way away on Saturday with my aunt and uncle and cousin (not seen him since other cousin's wedding so about 12 years) and his family. DS behaved himself at the table so [phew]. And we managed to get by without too much in the way of criticism of housekeeping / house upkeep / lack of gardening!!!

Managed to break small dog (only had her 2 wks) - went for a 6 mile walk yesterday and she was still so exhausted that she couldn't eat her breakfast this morning.

Sounds like a fun weekend.

Talking of dogs, the dog is actually scared of the kittens, so funny they are so little and she runs away from them.

We took our chinchillas travelling round a few locations the first Christmas we had them both - and took a travelling (smaller) cage and a very large version of a hamster ball which one of them (the more active) liked going for a run around in (without being able to eat the skirting board and disappear into a hole in someone else's house). One friend we visited had 9 month old kittens - and the chinchilla chased them in his bright pint ball

We are finding that small dog is learning much more acceptable behaviour quite quickly - we've only had her 2 wks but now can get past 80% of dogs without a yap, and 95% of dogs with no lunge and rabid yapping. There's little yapping in the house, and little pulling on the lead too.

Kittens going nuts, they do make me smile. Finding life a bit of a struggle right now and strangely tearful lately. Need to try and find things to keep me busy, this weekend have absolutely arranged. Roof being fixed tomorrow (fingers crossed) and FW paying for it, so something good I suppose

How did your date with Mr Italian gentleman go? It would be nice for you to see someone considerate who doesn't take you for granted. If you agree on the pace, so to speak, you won't feel pressured or rushed into anything.

Feeling tearful could be hormones perhaps. My friends and I are comparing notes, we are probably a bit older than you, we are all starting The Change. We seem to have various symptoms but 3 of us at present share a tetchiness or liability to become over-emotional at odd times, most infuriating.

Hi donkey Dates going ok with Mr Italian, he is away this weekend @ wedding, so going to be a quiet weekend, DS of fishing with FW tomorrow. Has a bust up with DS1 girlfriend so will not be seeing them

I seriously think I am heading for a breakdown. I feel truly horrible today. can't stop crying and panicking total feeling of dread. And trying to work but cannot concentrate, just want everything to go away. Sorry for rant

Blossom do me a favour, if you're actually getting into a panic at times, try to focus on your breathing, and consciously breathe slowly and deeply.

Focus on your breathing. Breathing more slowly is what happens naturally when you're calm, so it will trick your body into thinking you're calm.

Less caffeine, some fresh air? Bit of outdoor exercise?

Maybe ring a local friend or ring your doctor. Ask the receptionist if you can speak to your GP between appointments.

Next time you're in town, buy a little bottle of lavender oil. Unscrewing the lid and breathing in can restore calm. I'm sure I've mentioned Bach flower remedies they might help too.

Just read your other thread about DS1 and his gf she sounds delightful.

You mention having diabetes, which if I knew about I'd forgotten, sorry. Is your blood sugar low? Are you skipping meals?