I have never been so unhappy

[Blossomflowers]

Sorry me again, posting about the same old rubbish. Don't know how I have got in such a mess. Just to remind split from X of 20 years, NC for months. We have some how got to the situation where he stays here several nights of the week and every weekend. Our relationship is much improved but there are still big issues with his drinking and odd behaviour sometimes. Will just runaway to his little pad if things get too much for him.

I was OLD but not seeing anyone else atm, I would feel guilty. I am in such a mess moneywise just feel I am going to drown, and just totally adrift, the only thing keeping on the straight and narrow is DS, I just can't see a point in anything, feeling really hopeless, I have to say I have never felt so low in my life and just don't know how to even start getting myself out of this. Don't really know why I am posting but just needed to vent I suppose. Kick up the ass maybe

Thanks Mistle I feel so darn guilty, she needs to either be here or go with FW but he says he is not allowed dogs. I keep asking about money he owes me but keep making excuses.I hate having to ask. Going to have ti but whole new school uniform for DS as grown so much.

Don't feel guilty about asking him for money to help to clothe HIS son! You've been propping him up for years by the sound of it and its time that he helps out a bit.

Re dog - has he suggested that he will find a new home or just threatened it when you've brought the subject up? If the latter, I would suggest something like 'I am prepared to look after the dog here whilst my contacts look for a home that can provide a secure and loving future for her - please can you confirm that this is the best course of action for the dog. If I don't hear from you on this subject by x date, I will assume that you wish me to follow this course of action and I will start looking for a good home for her through my contacts at that stage'.

mistle It not that I fell guilty about the money but everytime I bring it up he makes all sorts if excuses and I sound like like a nag. He said he is working till 10.00 each, but still no money.

Absolutely 100% with mistlethrush DS needs new school uniform, end of. It's not you decreeing a lavish buying spree for fun.

He can flog his 4 grand watch if he's short on readies.

To him: 'Do you want your son to get laughed at at school for wearing clothes that he's clearly grown out of? Stop making excuses then and pay some money. Stop drinking and smoking and you'd be able to afford it.'

mistle you are right, problem is he knows I will pay for everything as I have always done, Just had a call from a chap I was taking to lats week, out of the blue asking if I want to meet up over the weekend.

Sent FW as text last ( 12.00) as DS had gone missing, turned up about 10 minutes later, is so grounded. I was getting frantic But have no reply from FW, just shows how much he cares about his own son, selfish prick.

You're allowed to text about DS and it doesn't count in terms of NC.

So, going out at the weekend then? I hope so!

Thanks mistle Can't believe he has not replied even now
Re weekend I hope I can organise something, potential date on Saturday though the man seemed a little to casual, though he did ring me yesterday out of the blue. OLD is making me very cynical I a afraid

Cynical is good. But going out is also good. You might have to go out a lot before you find anyone you might want to spend any time with, and even that might not 'be the one' but it still gets you out of the house!

You are right I suppose, getting out is good.

There's no harm in a bit of healthy cynicism where OLD is concerned, some people will be duplicitous.

Sorry DS gave you a fright last night.

He is grounded and going to give him loads of chores but most importantly made him realise not to make me worry, he is atleast apologetic.
Still no reply from FW, last I heard he wanted to take DS fishing @ 7.30 on Sunday morning, this is FW over riding passion atm, has spent loads of money on fishing gear. I actually do not want to get up that early Sunday so will have to ask if DS can stay over his, not unreasonable is it?

No not unreasonable in the least. If he makes any snidey remarks about facilitating your love life suggest he grows up.

Well according to him he does not give a fig what I do or who I see, so no comments should be made. Still no reply, probably still in bed which is normal when he goes on one of his little melt downs.

Well FW turned up on Saturday to pick DS stayed around for bit and I had to text date and delay him for 1 hour, which he was cool about. Eventually left leaving 15 minutes to get ready. Date was ok, he wants to see me again, hum I am not sure, might give it another meet.

Well feeling pretty sorry for myself as usual. Normally bank holiday would have fun stuff planned but not will be spending it on my own. All family away, best friend away, DS always out. This when life becomes really tough on your own. Date from last week sent me lovely message and invited me into his town tonight but too fat to go as would worry about DS needing me. Sorry for little rant

Can you invite date to your town some time over the weekend, or is that too forward? I know nothing about dating etiquette!

Make sure you leave the house once each day and try to talk to somebody each day, too. Hope something fun comes up for you.

Looking on the bright side, you'll probably have avoided the atrocious bank holiday traffic that I got stuck in today!

Sorry, been away for the week with lack of internnet. How's it going now Blossom - and how's work going?

Hi mistle thought you had all abandoned me. Work a bit quiet, need to knuckle down.
charlotte I could have asked date to come down to me but wanted him to suggest it iykwim
Dating gone a bit quiet, think there are a lot of time wasters out there, will persevere.
Spent most of weekend with FW, he paid for everything and had some nice times. He has agreed to help me fix up the house so I can get it on the market.
Kittens growing like mad but really cute. Just so bored on my own, need to find some new hobby. Nice to come on here aand chat though

Not much good advice to give (but I think FW helping this weekend is like an alcoholic having just a few beers) but sending positive vibes.

Hello lisa they are some pretty major jobs to do before putting house on the market, if he keeps his word it will be amazing.

Have been posting less on MN since they changed the mobile site and when I do return it's too easy to click on "I'm On" and lose track of favourite posters.

How are you Blossom? When does DS go back to school?

donkey DS back to school tomorrow. I am ok, have a date in Thursday with and nice Italian sounding man. Could have had 2 dates tonight but friend coming over instead, I am doing ok, some good days some bad. FW coming for a BBQ tomorrow, weird he just seems content to be friends, mind you he never had a sex drive when we were tog. I still find it a bit irksome that he does not fancy me, if that makes an weird sense.One day I will click with someone and then will have to move on.

Oh and 4 crazy kittens are taking over the lounge, they are so sweet.