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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have never been so unhappy

504 replies

Blossomflowers · 05/06/2014 16:40

Sorry me again, posting about the same old rubbish. Don't know how I have got in such a mess. Just to remind split from X of 20 years, NC for months. We have some how got to the situation where he stays here several nights of the week and every weekend. Our relationship is much improved but there are still big issues with his drinking and odd behaviour sometimes. Will just runaway to his little pad if things get too much for him.

I was OLD but not seeing anyone else atm, I would feel guilty. I am in such a mess moneywise just feel I am going to drown, and just totally adrift, the only thing keeping on the straight and narrow is DS, I just can't see a point in anything, feeling really hopeless, I have to say I have never felt so low in my life and just don't know how to even start getting myself out of this. Don't really know why I am posting but just needed to vent I suppose. Kick up the ass maybe

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossomflowers · 04/08/2014 11:28

Kittens born yesterday, got that timing wrong. All seems to be well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossomflowers · 04/08/2014 13:23

You are going think I am an idiot, but FW just turned up to take DS to town and has asked to borrow £10 as needs it for petrol, has not been paid by client and has absolutely no money and overdrawn in the bank. He also smashed his new mobile to pieces as not working, think he heading for another melt down. I feel sorry for him and given him a bit of money, so guess that makes me a fool.

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 04/08/2014 16:59

Yes you are an idiot, yes he played you again. Did he actually give you any money on Friday.

He could have just rung and said that he couldn't go to town with your DS instead he dumped all his 'problems' on you so you feel guilty again and let him use you.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 04/08/2014 17:03

clutter yes he did give me money. I did tell him he could say no to DS, giving myself a slap.

OP posts:
inlectorecumbit · 04/08/2014 17:11

yep he is pulling you back in again. you have not been responding to emails so he has to reel you in somehow.
Time to strengthen your backbone and stop falling for the sob stories

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 04/08/2014 17:50

He does not want to get back tog, but just can't fathom out why he does what he does. Am supposed to be going to concert on Saturday with FW and just had invite from OLD man ( mr local). Maybe invite OLD instead or would that just be too mean.

OP posts:
inlectorecumbit · 04/08/2014 18:01

haha l was puzzled for a moment about OLD man
Start thinking about yourself for once..invite the old man. Grin

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 04/08/2014 18:08

It would break his heart but I am in dillemma though.

OP posts:
LisaMed · 04/08/2014 18:10

Did fw care when he trashed - completely trashed, abused, chewed and spat out - you?

Sending hugs

mistlethrush · 04/08/2014 18:12

Invite Old man...

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 04/08/2014 18:13

True lisa but I have a very soft heart, unlike him.

OP posts:
inlectorecumbit · 04/08/2014 18:18

FFS toughen up that heart of yours start thinking of yourself. You owe your ex nothing -not even consideration as he gives and has given you none.

Clutterbugsmum · 04/08/2014 18:29

He does not want to get back tog you right he doesn't because then he would have to give his lifestyle. His drink, his drugs and he would have to work and pay his way.

BUT he doesn't want you to be happy, he doesn't want you to be free of him. Read back from the start of your postings, re-read what has put you and your DS through so HE can be happy doing what he wants when he wants, with you at home doing his washing,cooking and cleaning after him. Worrying about you are going to pay bills or having bill you thought he had paid turning up.

It would break his heart but I am in dillemma though. And how many times has in done that to YOU in the last few years when he did give a flying whatsit how your felt.

Go to the concert with old man and leave FW at home.

CharlotteCollins · 04/08/2014 22:28

How about thinking this with that soft heart of yours:

The best thing for him to learn is that actions have consequences. People have boundaries, which need to be respected. Imagine - if he really learnt that and started living better as a result, how much happier his life would be!

Of course, he's unlikely to learn it. That's not going to stop you trying to get it through to him, though, is it?!

CharlotteCollins · 04/08/2014 22:29

(sorry for leaping unannounced into long-running thread, btw!)

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 05/08/2014 11:03

That is OK charlotte that makes a lot of sense.

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 06/08/2014 13:23

Are you going to invite OLD man to Saturday's concert?

Am home now Blossom so your weather should be heavenly. Wink

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 06/08/2014 14:18

donkey I don't know what to do yet.
You a re right about the weather lol.

OP posts:
Jan45 · 06/08/2014 14:26

Yes you do Blossom, stop allowing the fuckwit ex to manipulate you and don't go out with him on Sat, go out with Mr local.

Honestly, let him have his breakdown, you need to stop saving him, he didn't and won't do the same for you.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 06/08/2014 14:31

It's not like you're pulling the rug out from under ex's feet. This is a good opportunity to send him a clear signal. I Blossom choose to spend my valuable free time with someone who might give a damn.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 06/08/2014 14:54

You are all right of course. I am ignoring his text today, apparently he is coming to pick up the dog later but I actually want to know she is going to a good home. So far his suggestions have been silly. Have 4 little kittens now, all doing well but having dog here makes it tricky.

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 08/08/2014 19:06

How you doing today Blossom.

Did FW collect his dog on Wednesday. Did he give you any of the money he owes you.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 11/08/2014 11:01

clutterNo dog still here, yes he gave me money.

Well OLD man seems to have vanished, which is a shame, I sent him a text on Friday but no reply, I will not be chasing. Ended up going to concert with FW, it was ok and he paid for everything. But feel very hollow this morning and struggling to see the point in everything. Sorry sound very sorry for myself, am hating this summer.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossomflowers · 14/08/2014 12:14

Am doing a good job this week of NC with FW only about dog. Starting to do a big clear out, charity going to very pleased, picked up loads of bags to fill. OLD going rubbish but will persevere, would be nice just to get out for a drink with someone new.

OP posts:
mistlethrush · 14/08/2014 13:15

Good to hear Blossom. Still see quite a few enquiries about dogs similar to yours so they are definitely not too much of a problem to find new homes for and I'm sure something could be found if that's the way to go.