The big W word....

[MissBooBoo]

I have been with MrBooBoo for 9 years now... we have two children together and he is wanting us to plan our third. However, in this whole time he has not asked my hand in marriage. 4 years ago he gave me a bracelet (before we had children) with charms on it, one of them being a ring to let me know that marriage was just around the corner. Well it's been a long bloody corner... then I got pregnant... had 3 miscarriages inbetween and then I had my boy. He really wanted a son and said that he would literally get down on one knee straight away if I gave him a son... my son was born 10 months ago and still no ring has arrived. I have tried to be patient, I have explained to him how important marriage is to me, I have not mentioned the word WEDDING in months to see if that was the problem and he says he wants to get married but no ring materialises.. now he is talking about having another baby. I am 34 so I dont have time to mess around if we do want another one...
We arent the type of couple of just go to a registry office either, we would want a traditional wedding
Am I joking myself over this? How can I speed up the process?

I wouldn't even move in with a man I didn't know wanted to marry me, and I wouldn't expect a man to move in with a woman either. (although obviously it happens a lot).

I don't think people realise how vulnerable it leaves them in the eyes of the law.

Only leaves you vulnerable if you're dependent on them.

It's nothing to do with being in the 1950s (although I was born in that decade ) - it is everything to do with deciding how YOU as a individual, want to live your life. If you want to be married (and I fully appreciate that not everyone does) then I agree that you should wait to get married before committing to having children/buying a house/ etc etc.

It's no use having a child (or two) and then deciding that you wanted to get married but surprise, surprise, your DP doesn't. .

But remember, don't confuse a big, expensive wedding day with marriage - the two are very different.

To the OP - at the very least get your situation sorted legally by making sure you are covered if your DP leaves you or dies.

And if your partners dies without leaving a will? You don't have to be a SAHM to need someone else's wage for the mortgage, I doubt many couples are in this fortunate position.

If married you are automatically next of kin, otherwise parents and siblings come first.

She is dependent on him.

I got pregnant unmarried, tbh expected it to take longer! Anyway the first thing I did was sort out a low key wedding. Because by the time ds1 was born, i would be legally tied to his dad. I understand getting caught unexpectedly. What i dont understand is the priority of the £20k princess day, over yours and your childrens legal protection.

You're a sahm, you rely completely on this man for food, housing, clothes etc. You need to be legally attached to him. And a will is not good enough, wills can be changed after arguments.

So agree with the above. No proposal, just plan a wedding. If he makes his excuses, you need to accept he isnt going to marry you and decide if you want to stay.

This thread is not so much the 1950s as the 1660s - ask for your hand in marriage, give him a son, carry on his father's name. Is your partner actually Henry VIII?

(Yes I know I've probably got Henry VIII's dates wrong )

Puppy, I hope not! It could end very badly...

Try 1530s

Thanks

And yes, this is a very odd thread!

Divorced, beheaded, died....

He's traditional enough to talk about you "giving him a son" but not traditional enough to want to get wed.

I find it bizarre...

Maybe you should propose?

I thought the big 'W' word stood for 'Wanker'

Agree with every word of Scarletharridan's post.

Tallwivglasses....

Me too!!!! Not sure what that says about me...

...or me

Blimey, it all sounds so antiquated. And don't get me started on 'giving him a son'.

9 years, 2 kids - I think you're a bit beyond the 'hand in marriage' proposal.

Just agree as a couple to do it, if it's what you both want. If you're waiting for the proposal, I don't think it's forthcoming.

I thought it was wanker too!!

But I forgot that completely when I got to the 'giving it away free' comment and became totally sidetracked by the 'giving him a son' bit and the came over all verily at the Tudors stuff (which was the first bit that made sense of it all!)

So thanks for reminding me of why I clicked on the thread title

And yes, scarletharridan's post makes total sense...

Why should it have to be the man to propose? If you want to marry him, then friggin' ask him for Godsake. It's the 21st century!

Yes, DH asked me but marriage to me wasn't that big of a deal because we were already comminted due to a bun my oven. I loved my wedding, it was a special day but it wasn't something I thought truely important (though family did).

If I was wedding obessed or one of those people who "needed" a piece of paper and a public event to show your oh so special love, I would have proposed myself or just asked DH if he wanted us or me to plan a wedding/ceremony.

As for the "son" comment. DH said multiple times, "if you give me a son, I'll love you forever," now I think that's more far fetched than saying he'll marry you. There's divorces for marriage but nothing ends forever! and I knew it was meant as a joke, just as I say, "well, if it's twins, I'll divorce your ass!" and then 4 years later I had twins and we're still married.

You're making too much of the situation. If you really need/want to get married then you ask, or just plan it.

I don't see why only men should get that honor/task...

IMO...

Tell him if he isn't prepared to set a date then you are seeing a solicitor about getting protection for the children and you so that you aren't left destitute should he snuff it. If he stalls that too then you really do know what he wants and what he thinks of you.

This bloke IS aware that sperm decides gender, surely? Women are not biologically capable of 'giving' their partner a child of one gender or the other. It's the other way around.

1. Yes he is aware his sperm choose gender... its actually a running joke

1. he has made a will already

1. we own our house.. my name is not on the deeds

1. We have actually spoken about how we want to get married.. which is not the princess ceremony people have assumed. we want to go on holiday with our kids and no one else to take our vows

not interested in a big wedding

1. and yes i understand the difference between a wedding and a marriage. ive been married to him for 9 years we just havent made it official

1. it also confuses me... we know how we want to get married and where but no ring materialises...

1. yes we are traditional in the sense of knowing our roles where i look after kids and he works. what is wrong with that? thousands of people do it in this country. as a woman am i now lucky to be in a society where i can choose what i want to do. whether that be a stay at home mum or working.