Long time MN have name changed as am known to some of you very well on other talkboards..... Bit of a long story - basically my husband changed jobs a couple of years ago due to cuts at work. He is a senior professional, very well known in his field, we have been married 20 years, two children, boys, 18 and 15. We relocated to a different part of the country, uprooting away from an area we loved and were loved. No family here, just spent the past year getting children settled in schools etc. I am now an SAHM, dependent on his income. Right from the word go, an invisible barrier went up, we went through the motions, not particularly happy or unhappy, I gave up my job, began job hunting, etc when we moved here. All through the year, my instincts were telling me something was wrong. Little hints, messages 'this colleague' had been to visit in the house when I wasn't there etc. Nothing specific. Asked him whether he was having an affair, answer always no.
A phone call from 'the colleague' six months on revealed a two year affair. A deep emotional affair which had started before we moved house. Myself and the children blissfully unaware. She told me. He didnt, but confessed all, how he had been lonely working away, ( we lived apart for nearly 2 years whilst eldest was in year 10) felt disconnected from me, the usual bollocks. He went to docs and is on high dose anti depressants. But I agreed to counselling because I do love him. and acknowledged the marriage had been in the doldrums for some time and we had never addressed it. We both admitted neglect of the marriage. We are both good parents, we have always been good friends through some very difficult times. Not enough. Six months of counselling with relate, some tough talking, very hard on the children. I thought progress was being made, some days away together, better, open relationship and better and active sex life. Last weekend I opened the door to her standing there. She barged in, insisted on talking to him,horrible showdown with myself and children present. He stood there like a rabbit caught in headlights and EVEN THEN I didn't realise. Over that weekend, a stray email revealed a secret email account, full of intimate messages and photos, all going back to the original phone call in October.
I kicked him out and now know we need to separate. I so wanted to forgive him, to move on with him and truly wanted to believe he was over it all. I wanted to believe it was her instigating it all, and manipulating him. Emails proved he was infatuated with her. He appeared last weekend, shattered, forlorn, ill, and begged me not to give up on him... that she was an obsession, a fantasy and that he loved me and our children. I now feel that I am back to where I was in October - bereft, deeply hurt and not sleeping with high anxiety.
I know what I have to do, please give me the push I need.
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Relationships
When the OW comes to your house......................
Beehive52 · 02/06/2014 18:57
In fairness, the position at work was true and very difficult for him and several colleagues. I saw an email from her which celebrated the anniversary of their two year affair in February, which means it would have begun six months before we moved. I sold my lovely house, uprooted my kids etc with him knowing he was being unfaithful. When I asked him why, he said that he still loved me throughout. What he wanted was to have his cake and eat it. Can't belive we have spent nearly £600 at Relate for him to just lie to the counsellor's face as well.
IF you knew him in RL you would not believe he had the capacity to do this. Seriously. 
to all of you, it is wonderful to have help and advice. Should have done it a long time ago.
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So sorry OP
Didn't want to read and run but can't rtft right now. A family member had similar happen to her, the OW was furious because the git had promised he was leaving his wife and so came over to confront my family member to try get her to give him up, hoping he'd run into her bed, which he did, whilst texting home saying he loved her and their kids and wished he could come back.
'Obsession, fantasy'
Wtf?! You should have been those things to him. Basically telling you that she is sexier than you and more interesting is no way to worm your way back into bed and no way to treat the woman who has given you everything and raised your children, relocated and cared for you for years.
He is no role model for your boys. They need to know how a real man treats a woman and is respectful, loving and faithful.
Twat.
Stay strong, lovely. Good luck for the future x
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