Long time MN have name changed as am known to some of you very well on other talkboards..... Bit of a long story - basically my husband changed jobs a couple of years ago due to cuts at work. He is a senior professional, very well known in his field, we have been married 20 years, two children, boys, 18 and 15. We relocated to a different part of the country, uprooting away from an area we loved and were loved. No family here, just spent the past year getting children settled in schools etc. I am now an SAHM, dependent on his income. Right from the word go, an invisible barrier went up, we went through the motions, not particularly happy or unhappy, I gave up my job, began job hunting, etc when we moved here. All through the year, my instincts were telling me something was wrong. Little hints, messages 'this colleague' had been to visit in the house when I wasn't there etc. Nothing specific. Asked him whether he was having an affair, answer always no.
A phone call from 'the colleague' six months on revealed a two year affair. A deep emotional affair which had started before we moved house. Myself and the children blissfully unaware. She told me. He didnt, but confessed all, how he had been lonely working away, ( we lived apart for nearly 2 years whilst eldest was in year 10) felt disconnected from me, the usual bollocks. He went to docs and is on high dose anti depressants. But I agreed to counselling because I do love him. and acknowledged the marriage had been in the doldrums for some time and we had never addressed it. We both admitted neglect of the marriage. We are both good parents, we have always been good friends through some very difficult times. Not enough. Six months of counselling with relate, some tough talking, very hard on the children. I thought progress was being made, some days away together, better, open relationship and better and active sex life. Last weekend I opened the door to her standing there. She barged in, insisted on talking to him,horrible showdown with myself and children present. He stood there like a rabbit caught in headlights and EVEN THEN I didn't realise. Over that weekend, a stray email revealed a secret email account, full of intimate messages and photos, all going back to the original phone call in October.
I kicked him out and now know we need to separate. I so wanted to forgive him, to move on with him and truly wanted to believe he was over it all. I wanted to believe it was her instigating it all, and manipulating him. Emails proved he was infatuated with her. He appeared last weekend, shattered, forlorn, ill, and begged me not to give up on him... that she was an obsession, a fantasy and that he loved me and our children. I now feel that I am back to where I was in October - bereft, deeply hurt and not sleeping with high anxiety.
I know what I have to do, please give me the push I need.
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Relationships
When the OW comes to your house......................
Beehive52 · 02/06/2014 18:57
Tell him that now you have thought about it you are glad it has happened, that you have realised that he is a twat 
love it!
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Beehive. I read your thread this morning and want to post some words of support.
Your story could have been mine. We also sold up and moved 100's of miles whilst my ExH was having an affair. When I discovered it he left me and my young children in a huge house in the countryside hundred's of miles from anyone I knew.
You get to a point where there is no going back. I got a good lawyer, got divorced, got a new haircut (apparently this seems to help!) and got a job in my old profession. Five years on (now in my 50's) I have found a lovely new partner who my DC like and am really happy. ExH remarried and is now once again divorced.
I had a hard couple of years, but have come out of it much happier and stronger. You can do it too 
Thank you again......I love your phrase 'safe your puff for your own porridge'and will remember it for inspiration. You are all right. I am focussing on her as her betrayal and airbrushing me out of history has been so hurtful. Your comments about the volte face are revealing and spot on, I guess I WAS expecting her to show some morality and decency. If it were one of my sons I would have hoped I would of course given them love and shelter but also encouraged and nurtured a situation for understanding and reconciliation but her new found BFF ness with OW effectively removed me from her life. I need to stop focussing on the bitterness towards her and be grateful I never have to see her again, I have other fish to fry.....
Today I am talking to a family lawyer and planning an escape this summer, oh and of course revising for General Studies A Level 
. Thank you again.
Thank you julia this is really helpful, free legal advice. Will report back. 
Haha! what an excellent idea. There's certainly enough material. Of course you might need to add the following:
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
The A Level pressures are starting to tail off in our house - not soon enough in my opinion!
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the 'announcement of their relationship to rest of colleagues card' reduced in the sale Classy
Oh I've got a novel in my mind's eye once I can see the funny side
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