Had a row with friend, she thinks I am being tight and pathetic advice please

[bouncy]

Firstly I would like to add that what I love about mumsnet is that advice is usually given as it is, and people are not always told what they want to hear, bearing that in mind I would like honest advice please.

I have had a row is a good friend of 5 years, she does not agree that my ds 7 has chores, and gets pocket money for doing so, all he has to do is keep his room tidy, and clean out his hamster hardly a lot, she thinks that children should be children and not have to do anything.

today she came round with her 2 kids ds aged 6 and dd 4, her kids have no value of money whatsoever, always getting toys willy nilly, always going to clubs, 3 each a week, always trips to theme parks etc etc, but what annoys me most is that they will ask for something, take a bite then say I want that instead, and my friend lets them have it, imho they are spoilt and its hard for me to admit that out of all my friends kids, I like them the least.

Anyway they came today and stayed for lunch, they both asked for a sandwich, i made it, they took the usual one bite of sandwich and said, nah I actually fancy and roll instead, I made them a roll, only for them to do the same again and ask for some pizza, at this point I said no sorry I have already made you X and X, at which point my friend said, why dont you give them a piece of pizza, I told her I already made them the other things as she well knew, she then said she always fed my son when he goes round (yes she does, but he eats what he is given and never changes his mind) and that I am just being tight, and its very pathetic of me to not give them some food, she made it sounds as though I was refusing her kids any food.

I just feel so annoyed with her, she left shortly afterwards to take them to Mcdonalds.

I am so proud of ds as he is a lovely polite boy, who saves for things he wants, his face when he actually buys something he has been saving for, he respects his toys and looks after them.

she is a good friend and i see her mainly when the kids are at school, we have very different opinions on parenting, I like time out and she goes for the wait till your dad gets home approach.

Anyway just needed a rant really as just got a text asking if I am ready to apologise yet !!!!!

what a cow! to start spreading lies and carrying on! what a basket case. amazing really.

bouncy - you sound amazingly rational and calm about all this. I can;t believe how awful she's being. what an unbelievably deeply unpleasant person - not only spreading untruths about you but telling them to her ds so he can taunt yours . that is as low as you can get. keep your chin up and rise above it - I'm sure your mutual friends will see what's going on here.

what a psycho hose beast!!!!!!!!!
can't beieve how mad she is being about this!!! what a bitch!!

i'd start spreading a rumour that she is trying to cover up the fact that you found out she has the clap! or crabs!

aitch71 the tiding game we use goes something like this:

I pick a specific game or toy that is on the floor, ie: building blocks or stickle bricks and say to DD 'I bet you can't pick all of your stickles up before I count to ten!' She then runs around like a loony picking them all up, if I am getting close to ten and she is no where near then I say six and half etc.... and count slowly so she always wins. She is pleased that she has always beaten me we can carry on until all the toys are tidy.

She has started using the same trick on me saying 'Mummy, I bet you can't iron all those clothes by the time I count to ten' of course I never win but she enjoys the game.

Sorry for the thread hijack bouncy

What a sad evil cow!
You are doing so well to maintain the moral high ground on this - don't get dragged down to her level, and stay calm when you're talking to people about it.
It is very childish of her involve the kids.
On a slightly lighter note, if her kids kicked off because they wanted pizza, why the hell did she take them to McDonalds??? (confused emoticon] Of course we could all go around to her house and sort her out for you!!!

It's sad it's come to this but I think you're well off out of it.

The bread thing was mad enough but now to be spreading lies (and personally, I would be livid if my finances were being discussed amongst friends) and encouraging her children to do the same just sounds barking !

At the very least she is obviously a serious attention seeker and quite obviously also someone very arrogant who cannot accept there is any other way of doing things except her way and therefore you "must" have money worries.

"Starve" indeed - FFS !

Carry on seeing your mutual friends by all means but cut this one right out. If anyone else asks why, explain what happened, but I wouldn't go out of my way to broadcast it as you then seem like you're spreading gossip. I'm sure the truth of the matter will come out sooner or later as I bet she'll rub one of the others up the wrong way if she hasn't done so already.

Bear in mind that if a genuine friend genuinely thought you had money worries, she'd have prewarned the kids not to waste food, and not to say anything about it. Neither would she have humiliated you - if you'd had money troubles - by leaving that bag of bread and that note !!!!!!!!!! She is using this apparent "belief" to try and belittle you, and to cover her own appalling behaviour. "Money troubles" my .

I really really think you need to rise above this and ignore it and her.

It will soon be seen that she is in the wrong, and sadly for her will hurt her mmore than anyone else.

She did what! I cannot believe the nerve and rudeness of this woman.

I agree with thecatsmother, she is trying to belittle and humiliate you, please try and rise above it, and don't have anything more to do with her.

As Beetroot said: ignore, ignore ,ignore - easier said than done I know.

Well, as usual I'm too late to add anything useful that other people haven't already said but....

...wanted to commiserate with you for having such a f-king bitch for a 'friend', Bouncy. I've terminated a long friendship recently and I know it's not nice. For the record, I don't think you should even look at her again, never mind speak to her.

She knows she's in the wrong...that's why she didn't answer the door and didn't take her son to school the next day.

And getting her kids involved by a) keeping them off school and b) talking about the situation infront of them (I doubt they'd have made up the crack about moving to the 'poor street' all on their own) is lower than low.

xx

i haven't read your previous posts. i can't see this friendship standing the test of time as your core values on childrearing differ too much.

feel smug in the thought that her kids' wants and whims will get more expensive and less appreciated as time goes on.

i kids teach like yours and hers all the time but as teenagers and i know which sort i would like my dd to be.

If a real friend thought you were having money worries, they'd have stuck a tenner in a card and put it through the door, and invited you for tea.

Look, she is behaving like someone who has been caught doing something shameful (ie she's lying about it) because she hasd been doing something shameful! It's an appalling way to treat a friend and an appalling way to raise your children, but we all know it is far less bother to make endless crappy snackis than to say no and brave the tantrum when a child is used to being spoilt. She is parenting in a very very lazy fashion and they way you parent challenges that, so she is embarrassed. Pity she isn't adult enough to deal with herself.

If a real friend thought you were having money worries, she certainly wouldn't broadcast it round the neighbourhood on Bitch FM!

Ignore her, Bouncy! This thing started because you expect children, and guests to have some manners, whilst she has none and is happy for her children to have none. Keep your manners - don't get dragged into a slanging match or a bitchfest. Other people will be experiencing her 'ways'too - trust thier intelligence - they will know who is really in the right!

Does she have really big BAPS???
And possibly she's telling everyone you have no Dough!

"I then heard from someone else the story she was spreading was that I made a sandwich that her kids didn't like and I said your not getting anything else, she said that I never even asked if they had liked it."

to which i say... so wot? even if that is what she is saying, it's hardly the crime of the century? you are entitled to do what you want in your house. if someone told me that story and then said the person must be having money worries i would totally smell a rat.

she was right there in the room, if she saw you making a sandwich she knew her kids didn't like she should have said something, surely? that's what i would think if someone told me that story, anyway.

the woman is an idiot and a bully, and she is bringing her children up to be the same. i'm sure that even if i didn't know you well, if she told me that story i wouldn't buy it.

not to mention the fact that it's a pile of poo, and she has since come round with the bloomin' bread rolls. what a nightmare of a person.

Thanks for your replies.

The sad fact is that we are better off financially then they are, they have about 8 credit cards between them and in debt up to their eyeballs and in her words " as long as there are more credit cards to get we wont go short ".

She did take her son into school but apparently at 9.30, mutal friends have all asked what happened as apparently she was trying to get people not to talk to me, how very childish.

I am definately well out of it.

All makes sense now - bullying is always about the bullies insecurities - ie money in this case.

How is it going bouncy?

Any news, Bouncy?

re-reading some old threads ... this was a good un

Just wanted to add my tuppence worth.....YABU She is so out of order!!!

What a total bitch.

Has it not occured to her that it's really wrong to waste food? I was taught to finish my plate and eat what I was given (within reason) because wasting food is wrong - nothing to do with being tight.

Took me a while to realise this was from 06. I was reading the OP thinking 'I'm sure someone here had exactly the same problem a while ago'. Duh.

LOL - this thread is 2 years old!

would love to know what happened!

OMG I didn't notice it was from 2006! Wow is this the Coronation Street of threads? Not that it matters, think we're all on OP's side!