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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Had a row with friend, she thinks I am being tight and pathetic advice please

202 replies

bouncy · 02/09/2006 20:53

Firstly I would like to add that what I love about mumsnet is that advice is usually given as it is, and people are not always told what they want to hear, bearing that in mind I would like honest advice please.

I have had a row is a good friend of 5 years, she does not agree that my ds 7 has chores, and gets pocket money for doing so, all he has to do is keep his room tidy, and clean out his hamster hardly a lot, she thinks that children should be children and not have to do anything.

today she came round with her 2 kids ds aged 6 and dd 4, her kids have no value of money whatsoever, always getting toys willy nilly, always going to clubs, 3 each a week, always trips to theme parks etc etc, but what annoys me most is that they will ask for something, take a bite then say I want that instead, and my friend lets them have it, imho they are spoilt and its hard for me to admit that out of all my friends kids, I like them the least.

Anyway they came today and stayed for lunch, they both asked for a sandwich, i made it, they took the usual one bite of sandwich and said, nah I actually fancy and roll instead, I made them a roll, only for them to do the same again and ask for some pizza, at this point I said no sorry I have already made you X and X, at which point my friend said, why dont you give them a piece of pizza, I told her I already made them the other things as she well knew, she then said she always fed my son when he goes round (yes she does, but he eats what he is given and never changes his mind) and that I am just being tight, and its very pathetic of me to not give them some food, she made it sounds as though I was refusing her kids any food.

I just feel so annoyed with her, she left shortly afterwards to take them to Mcdonalds.

I am so proud of ds as he is a lovely polite boy, who saves for things he wants, his face when he actually buys something he has been saving for, he respects his toys and looks after them.

she is a good friend and i see her mainly when the kids are at school, we have very different opinions on parenting, I like time out and she goes for the wait till your dad gets home approach.

Anyway just needed a rant really as just got a text asking if I am ready to apologise yet !!!!!

OP posts:
threebob · 04/09/2006 02:03

She is barking and you must ignore her. Don't text or phone - do not enter into any conversation with her at all.

Hope it was nice bread she left you!

wartywarthog · 04/09/2006 10:09

think tigermoth has a good point.

Beetroot · 04/09/2006 10:24

Where is Bouncy?

aDAdOnMumsnet · 04/09/2006 10:33

She's gone to the wholesale bakery and then on to Germany to see Dr Oetker about a reduction for bulk buying pizza

YeahBut · 04/09/2006 10:35

She's probably gone on the offensive because the incident highlighted how spoilt and unpleasant her children are. She's a loon. Ditch her.

bran · 04/09/2006 10:46

I think this woman has the maturity of a rather bitchy 13 yr old. I mean, snide notes, PMSL at her. That's school age stuff. I suspect that her kids will grow up with the same lack of maturity because it's not possible for her to teach her children to be responsible, polite adults if she hasn't really grown up herself.

Megglevache · 04/09/2006 10:56

Message withdrawn

Greensleeves · 04/09/2006 10:57

Oh, do you you need to be a grown-up to have nice sensible children?

Damn

bran · 04/09/2006 11:10

GS, it's good enough if you can pretend to be a grown-up in front of them. At least I hope it is.

MrsFio · 04/09/2006 11:19

this is one of the funniest threads I have read in ages, thanks bouncy

your friend is a nutter btw

joelallie · 04/09/2006 12:13

I think you should be expecting an apology from her bloody kids! I'd have been fuming

It's hard when children, who have different boundaries to yours, visit. I used to just smile through gritted teeth but now I take no sh*t . I've got 3 of my own and I don't have time to fanny about dealing with awkward kids. But to actually expect an apology FROM YOU!!!!

Don't you think she might be embarrassed now and not sure what to do?

aitch71 · 04/09/2006 12:25

agree with MrsFio, Bouncy, the whole situation is bizarre and, i'm afraid, hilarious.

keep ignoring her, maybe you'll wangle a free pizza delivery out of her? or just text her back saying 'when were you planning to have a snidey pizza delivered? i'll have anchovies, please.' that might do the trick.

and did you ever answer Franny's probing questions re the nature of the bread? was it cheap bread?

wartywarthog · 04/09/2006 13:11

bouncy, please tell us what kind of bread it was!? what's happened? have you heard from her again?

alexsmum · 04/09/2006 18:47

bouncy? tell us more?

Tinkerbel5 · 04/09/2006 19:15

I recon bouncy is too busy sticking bread rolls up her ex best friend's exhaust pipe

threebob · 04/09/2006 20:09

I have just remembered some thoroughly unpleasant children that my MIL visited with. I refused to buy a litre of milk for them as we don't have milk in the house (well a little for tea and coffee, but not enough to drink glasses of the stuff). MIL brought the milk herself. Consequently they filled up on milk and moaned about everything else.

I asked the both to show ds (then around 18 months) how to behave at the table - one of the boys came up with "you pretend to eat" and "annoy mum and dad just enough that you don't get sent to your room".

They played with ds and then the nine year old had a tantrum when ds cheated - yes 9 years old and upset by an 18 month old baby.

When his mother went on about how rich they were I am afraid I did say "money is great - it will buy you practically anything - not manners obviously, but most things. More tea anyone?"

Beetroot · 05/09/2006 16:16

BOUNCY BOUNCY

Flumpybumpy · 05/09/2006 16:40

I had a very similar experience with my friend. My DD is 3 and like you DS respects and looks after her toys. She knows she can play with anything and I am happy for her to make a mess but we have to tidy it all away when she's finished. We have a game for tidying away so it doesn't get boring but she still knows the rules.

My friend came round with her DD (3) and DS (5), they all played really well together and got out nearly every toy my DD owns. When it was time to leave, I told them all we had to tidy up and launched into my 'tidying game'.

My friend was appaled that I expected her children to help tidy up and told them to go and get their shoes on as they shouldn't be tidying up that's a mUmmy's job and to just leave all the toys on the floor as I would tidy them up later.

I got a bit annoyed and said that I would appreciate it if her children could help put some away, to which i got told, they are only kids if you want your house kept tidy then you do it!!!

The thing that annoys me more is when my DD goes to their house to play, she always tidies away without being asked and my friend says nothing!!

We ended up not speaking for a few months and although we meet up again now, we never mention it. Things are definately more strained now.

colditz · 05/09/2006 16:52

at the rods some people are making for their own backs!

I can just see some of these kids in 20 years time, coming home from work, demanding their dinner, demanding another dinner, leaving that dinner and picking through the fridge, then when asked to clear their litterings from wherever they chose to eat, declaring that "Tidying up is your job, Mother, if you want your house tidy, you^ tidy it, for God's sake!"

Can't you?

aitch71 · 05/09/2006 18:37

what's the tidying up game? do you think it would work on my dh?

threebob · 05/09/2006 19:04

Flumpy - even if tidying was a "mummy" job (which it isn't - user tidies in our house too) your friend should have helped YOU.

Why should kids do nothing unpleasant - it's not like they have a hard life or anything?

WestCountryLass · 05/09/2006 22:00

Would be striking that one off my Xmas card list, what a silly mare!

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 05/09/2006 23:26

Id have give them the pizza...

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 05/09/2006 23:27

after Id spat on it

Original poster
bouncy · 06/09/2006 12:44

i am here just catching up on the thread, normally when I post it dies a death very quickly.

Got to say I have been having a right chuckle reading this. Thanks all

I managed to ignore her until Monday when a mutual friend came up and said Sorry that I was having money worries and if there was anything I could do to help then I just had to ask !!!! I then told her the story and something I was saying stick in her head and she said I did right.

As we knew lots of mutual friends I thought I would try to remain civil and not see as much of each other, I went over to her and said look i don't appreciate you telling people untruths, it has nothing to do with money I am not short of money, it has everything to do with the way I run my house. She again said I was pathetic for expecting her kids to starve, and she doesn't believe me when I say I don't have money worries. I said I don't have anything to prove to you, I don't actually care what you think

I then heard from someone else the story she was spreading was that I made a sandwich that her kids didn't like and I said your not getting anything else, she said that I never even asked if they had liked it. So I think somewhere along the line she has realised that she was in the wrong.

Is Sorry such a hard word to say.

So since then, its been dirty looks, but the worst thing was DS came home in tears yesterday as her Ds had told him we have no money and will be moving to a poor street !!! FFS I went round there to have it out, I could see the telly on threw the window but no answer. I spoke threw the letterbox I will see you at school, but her DS was not there this morning.

OP posts: