Porn, prostitutes, reservations - help me

[katekong]

For the background: Dp and I have a toddler who's currently being assessed as the GP suspects she may be on the autistic spectrum. She has a number of challenging behaviours, one of which is only being able to sleep with me there or else waking hourly at best. As a result our sex life has suffered, though it's still at least once and usually twice per week. We have older dc too and I'm 16 weeks pregnant.

This morning I was trying to upload some photos of the dc from the weekend from his phone to our pc. I don't know what I pressed but a display came up of things open on each app - I.e the last facebook page he viewed, the last internet page he looked at, last photo he looked at etc. On one of the Windows was a porn video. Out of curiosity, I looked at his history to see what kind of porn it was. I don't have a particular problem with porn buy he's always said it doesn't interesthim and he doesn't watch it so I was curious.

In the history there was loads of porn, every day this week. It pissed me off unimaginable amounts that I've been laying for hours with our toddler, running around sorting out things for the other dc (including my dsc), doing everything around the house, working and being sick through pregnancy and he's sat about wanking.

Then I noticed something else. There was a Wikipedia page about call girls and before that an FAQ page about prostitution where the first part says technically it's legal as long as not soliciting. Dp would lose his beloved career if caught doing anything illegal so these searches say to me he's seen that call girls are legal and looked it up for more info. The next page is sport so perhaps he put a secret tab on after the Wikipedia search.

There's also a visit to the page of a restaurant with rooms about 1.5 hours away. He's visited the reservations page At present there are no plans for him to go there with work or anything though so I'm confused.

I'm not imagining the worst am I? This is all fucking bad news. The porn explains a lot as when we have had sex it's over in minutes and does nothing for me and he's said it's over quickly because it's so infrequent and he gets excited. Nothing to do with being used to quick wanks then!!

Part of me wants to confront him but then I also kind of want to wait to see if a trip to the place where the restaurant is materialises so I have him bang to rights. I've screenshot the history so he can't deny it. Tell me I'm not overreacting? The kids will be devastated if we split

Family videos play in that app. I thought it only played videos you had recorded yourself or had sent to you. I didn't watch the video, only saw a still of a brunette alone on a bed.

Am lost, sorry. What are you concerned about specifically ?

If that's his own footage then you've got more problems than some porn and perusing hotel reservations op...

If I click a video I get a choice of what to open it with. Windows media player, in browser etc. Could be that or it could be saved onto his phone OR it could be recorded by him.

Sorry i know this isn't in sequence with the rest of the thread just wanted to say from my experience that my DH had a porn habit i discovered when i wad pregnant i didn't mind too much but i think that with him he graduated to watching most nights and preferred it to coming to bed and actually having real.life sex. Then he was watching babestation and the prostitute he ended up paying £400 a session for i reckon he used to watch her on there, if i had an ounce of understanding for him i think it probably got out of hand and as a result our marriage is over and i don't even know him anymore i guess it depends what kind of person you are, like addictive personalities and drugs some people get in too deep before they realise, I'm in no way minimalising it in just trying to say what i think happened in my case but there's no excuse, he's torn my life apart

I am sorry to hear that, OL. What a horrendous man.

Precisely ladynexus. I have another version of the samephone as him and it only plays oonline on mine, not in movies.

FJ is NAIVE. End of story.

So, are you saying that you think this brunette on the bed was filmed by him? sorry I'm confused.

kate, can you try and expand a bit ?

Sorry, had kids running round earlier so couldn't explain in-depth. The website in his history that he's used to watch porn only offers it to view online, not to download. In which case, if the video I saw the still from was from that website then it'd have been open in the internet browser, not his 'movies' app. Therefore, the video is from somewhere else. I was of the impression that the movie feature on his phone can only play those which have been recorded by his phone or sent to his phone directly, in which case this is a lot more serious than I thought. But I don't know enough about his phone to know for sure.

Oh dear!

I guess, if you can watch online, why download anyway. I don't know anything about the sony phone but if you have the same phone, can you not see if you can download and play through the movie app, if you can't, he can't, which means he has recorded that women.

So, you think he may have taken the footage himself (ie. of a woman that posed for him in RL) or he has requested that someone send him a photo ?

yes..I can see that is very, very different than looking at random porn flicks and pics

It's a different version mini so I can't find out on my phone. I guess he'd download it to reduce his porn filled internet history and make it easier to access.

It was a video Any, not just a photo. Wish I'd looked a little closer before I clicked off it now.

Does he have a password on his phone?
Do you think you could get another look to make sure?
Although he may have deleted it now he knows you've seen his history!

Maybe, if its some sort of favourite or something, or to save on data. But really, why download one film or even two just to save on your internet history, that makes no sense.

katekong - thankfully I think you have misunderstood how it works

All video is rendered onscreen by a video player app. There are lots available, it's not important which he is using (probably the default), they all support streaming content and playing content from the filesystem.

Even when a video appears to be embedded in a web page, it is actually being rendered by the video player. You can pop the video player out, for example to view full screen (and I imagine this is exactly what he would do to watch porn on such a small screen). You can then go back to the browser and navigate to a completely different page or website, leaving the video frozen in the video player. When you bring the video player back to foreground, you can carry on watching the video. Of course, it's very easy to leave the video player in the background and forget about it...

When you touch the 'recent apps' icon (which is what I think you did) it shows all the recently used apps with the last thing they were doing - so if the last web page visited was (say) Mumsnet then that's what you'd see in the browser, but if the last video played was porn, then it would still show that (frozen) in the video player.

If he'd been really cunning he would have used a different video player for porn than the default for family videos - they would then keep separate history. But evidently he's not.

Hopefully that gives you a tiny bit less to worry about...

Thanks FB but it's irrelevant now really. I hadn't told him I'd looked at history too, just said the chances of me happening to see it the first time he's watched it ever or in ages are incredibly slim. I then asked him outright to be honest about how frequent it's been and he has said 'this is definitely the first time in a long while.' Lying fucking bastard. Need to stop thinking and sleep now, this stress can't be good for the baby.

KK - I understand why you're upset about the porn and the lying and your reaction to that is something you will decide. Truth be told, most men don't like to admit to watching porn too often and pushing it underground doesn't mean it will stop.

But can we please pull back from the rest of the absurdity on this thread. THIS BOILS DOWN TO PORN AND NOTHING ELSE. I am very, very far from naive and I am well aware that men with pregnant wives visit escorts. But what's that got to do with this thread? There is not a shred of evidence that this bloke has been doing anything of the sort other than absurd theories about him taking escorts to Michelin star restaurants with rooms.

As for the video player KK, this is a red herring. As said above, the video player that pops up when you play a video is the same video player you use as part of your phone's apps. This is entirely normal. Nothing whatsoever to suggest he is sharing anything or recording these videos himself so I think this should be put to bed before people start suggesting he's sharing family videos with internet pervs!!

But FJ, the very obvious implication you're ignoring is that if he's been proven to be a liar about something he had no need to lie about and carried on lying even when caught out, then what else has/could he lie about? Choosing excessive porn use over a Normal functioning sexual relationships then making me feel guilty that sexhas rreduced because of our dd isn't on.

Well he COULD be lying about everything! I'm not saying that you have no right to be annoyed at the bloke. But nothing in what you have said suggests that there is anything more to it than overactive porn use which isn't an unusual issue. Also not sure that in itself is linked to your sex life - you're still having sex and i'm not sure you can blame his poor performance on his videos!

He is watching excessive amounts of porn and you aren't linking that to his poor performance FJ? Porn takes over people's sex lives over time, some men can't keep an erection because of it. Just because they're having sex sometimes doesn't mean it hasn't had a big effect on their sex lives

I'm not linking it or not linking it. My main point is that we are back to a rather conventional porn issue rather than romantic dinners with escorts, passing STDs to his unborn kid and for a brief moment making homemade porn!!!