Porn, prostitutes, reservations - help me

[katekong]

For the background: Dp and I have a toddler who's currently being assessed as the GP suspects she may be on the autistic spectrum. She has a number of challenging behaviours, one of which is only being able to sleep with me there or else waking hourly at best. As a result our sex life has suffered, though it's still at least once and usually twice per week. We have older dc too and I'm 16 weeks pregnant.

This morning I was trying to upload some photos of the dc from the weekend from his phone to our pc. I don't know what I pressed but a display came up of things open on each app - I.e the last facebook page he viewed, the last internet page he looked at, last photo he looked at etc. On one of the Windows was a porn video. Out of curiosity, I looked at his history to see what kind of porn it was. I don't have a particular problem with porn buy he's always said it doesn't interesthim and he doesn't watch it so I was curious.

In the history there was loads of porn, every day this week. It pissed me off unimaginable amounts that I've been laying for hours with our toddler, running around sorting out things for the other dc (including my dsc), doing everything around the house, working and being sick through pregnancy and he's sat about wanking.

Then I noticed something else. There was a Wikipedia page about call girls and before that an FAQ page about prostitution where the first part says technically it's legal as long as not soliciting. Dp would lose his beloved career if caught doing anything illegal so these searches say to me he's seen that call girls are legal and looked it up for more info. The next page is sport so perhaps he put a secret tab on after the Wikipedia search.

There's also a visit to the page of a restaurant with rooms about 1.5 hours away. He's visited the reservations page At present there are no plans for him to go there with work or anything though so I'm confused.

I'm not imagining the worst am I? This is all fucking bad news. The porn explains a lot as when we have had sex it's over in minutes and does nothing for me and he's said it's over quickly because it's so infrequent and he gets excited. Nothing to do with being used to quick wanks then!!

Part of me wants to confront him but then I also kind of want to wait to see if a trip to the place where the restaurant is materialises so I have him bang to rights. I've screenshot the history so he can't deny it. Tell me I'm not overreacting? The kids will be devastated if we split

AnyFucker - I couldn't bring myself to read a full one of any of those.
It's fucking disgusting, talking about them as if they're pieces of meat!!
It really makes me sad to share the world with people like this.

It'd be interesting to see the prostitutes responses to those comments about the mans large stomach, BO and bad breath

Oh God, anyfucker. Really wish I hadn't clicked on that link!

I know all sorts of men go for it, Any, but he'd be a nervous wreck. He can't even go 32 mph in a 30 zone because he's such a worrier and I honestly can't believe he'd put himself/me/the baby at risk of disease either as he's a total hypochondriac.

I can't think of any logical explanation about the restaurant with rooms.

I am sorry, HBB. I should have put a warning on that link really.

Sorry, sorry !!

No worries AnyFucker in a way I think it's good to see it and see the reality of what goes on. Naively I've always thought it was just for the sex IYSWIM, not that they'd be posting online that someone's were fake and that someone was too skinny etc. I realised they'd have no respect but not that they'd slag them off like that aswell

It also has added more fuel to my "no relationships" fire which I need topping up regularly

Someone's boobs that was meant to say

This is the reality of men who pay to rent women's sex organs.

My ex was charming, expensively educated, good looking, had a very respectable job, was an apparent family man and a talented writer and cook.

I discovered soon after he had left us however, that he was addicted to porn, extra-marital sex sites, lady-boy searches and local escorts.

I discovered several months after he had gone, that he had recently dumped his under-age Thai girlfriend with the words "I have found another bitch who lets me fuck her in the ass and swallows my cum"

Just because a man is prone to feeling anxious, drives carefully and is a hypochondriac, does NOT mean he won't have sex with prostitutes. in fact, being a nervous hypochnodriac suggests, on some level, that he knows he's on borrowed time.

Man, that link was rough. But necessary to read. To think my husband is one of those men. Jesus wept. He's a doctor too.

Appearances mean nothing OP. Just please be careful.

FFS BOARD GET A GRIP!!!!!!!

OK so the bloke has been watching porn. That is one issue. But hardly earth shattering. Now we go into absurd overdrive....

He looked at wikipedia pages about the legality of escorting the night he was watching a granny escort programme. That sounds pretty plausible to me!!! What is weird about watching a documentary about escorts and wondering whether or not it was legal??!! He's hardly checking out his local escorts page is he?

And he's looking at restaurants with rooms. How many men thinking about booking an escort actually rent a hotel room? And if they do it's hardly going to be a restaurant with rooms is it????!!!! ie. boutique hotel type offering vs faceless Hilton type place. Sometimes it's worth engaging your brains before leaping to absurd conclusions. If he's looking at a restaurant with rooms he's probably thinking about a pre-baby night away. Or he's having an affair but let's not go down that road!!!!!!!!!!!

Poor bloke. Almost divorced it seems all for watching a bit of porn and planning a romantic night away.

Spending a week wanking while your wife is working her arse off is despicable, FatherJake.

And who doesn't know the legality of escorting? I do and I've never used a prostitute. If you don't know, why would you need to?

People use all kinds of different hotels, even B&Bs.

The two factors together are highly suspicious, and it would be extraordinary if he was caught first time.

The fact that it's 1.5 hours away from their home, he has no particular reason for going there, suggests a) he doesn't want to shit (shag) on his own doorstep, b) this is a place he knows it's ok to take a prostitute to because he's done it before in his previous marriage or c) he's renting the room for himself and going somewhere else with prostitute.

Actually I think a lot of people (including me) don't know the actual legality of escorting. As far as I can recall (without using wikipedia to assist in case someone accuses me of looking for escorts) it's a bit of a grey area and something to do with numbers of people in a premises.

You are simply not going to convince me that the restaurant with rooms is related to his wikepedia search. Absolutely preposterous.

Your views on his use of porn is a completely separate discussion since the insinuation throughout the thread is that he is basically risking his unborn child etc etc etc.

Hi KK, I have just read through your thread and wanted to offer another opinion, as majority view here seems to be ASSUME he has or is planning to be unfaithful...and even if he hasn't actually done anything, then LTB and don't look back... I just want to suggest that instead of all this speculation just talk to him ! You sound really switched on and am sure you can work out if he is just giving you BS. You have a lot of little lives in your hands (and more to come) not to mention a lot of plans in the making. I am not suggesting you "put up for the sake of the kids" for one moment, but suggestions that you 'bag up his stuff and leave on the doorstep' seem a little extreme without at least giving him an opportunity to explain. Having spent 22 yrs in law enforcement/evidence gathering, I can't tell you the amount of times seemingly overwhelming evidence of guilt was in fact nothing of the sort. Your dc, your marriage and you are owed an explanation from which you can make an informed decision.

FJ, I don't know what this bloke is up to but you dismissing it as unimportant and no cause for concern is wrong. OP is obviously very concerned so you are dismissing her feelings.

I am sure you have heard of the "girlfriend experience".

FJ - I'm not sure how you can completely dismiss those things, he could very easily be planning to meet with an escort.

You completely dismissing there is a chance is IMO equally as bad as someone saying for definite. How do you know what this man is like? Are you able to completely rule out that hasn't already met up with escorts already? We also cannot say for sure he's up to no good but the combination of excessive porn use, searching prostitutes and for rooms doesn't stand him in a good light. Yes there may be explanations but I'm not so sure they'd be truthful so I'd be tempted to wait and see if he does take OP there or if he is "away with work" one night to make sure.

The OP is clearly concerned about what she has discovered and she knows him better than all of us so only she can truly have an inkling of what is going on.

Personally I don't think what she has told us works in his favour!

I am just amazed at those on this thread ready to hang, draw and quarter this bloke (again, I would repeat 'risking his unborn child') when there are very valid alternative explanations for the wikipedia search and the restaurant with rooms.

In fact it is even more preposterous given what OP says about his character. So he is risk averse but would risk his baby getting STDs? He is a worrier but despite having clearly been using prostitutes before (according to some) he is only now looking up the legal ramifications.

Thr girlfriend experience?! Are you serious? Are you actually suggesting that not only does he want to stay over with an escort but he actually wants to go all Richard Gere on her and have dinner first before heading upstairs? This from a born worrier who would no doubt feel awkward dining with an escort?!

Honestly this Mumsnet plot has more holes than an episode of Homeland.

AF - you said to OP 'Then you are bamboozling yourself'.

So you, despite a crushing lack of evidence and despite not knowing said bloke from Adam, are telling OP that her husband is cheating.

What a lovely lady you are.

Who said hang, draw and quarter ? Do try not to exaggerate FJ, it invalidates your point somewhat.

Well, I am no "lady" that part is true

I am just amazed at those on this thread ready to hang, draw and quarter this bloke

Let's see ... pages and pages of porn 'unimaginable amounts' according to the OP, from a man who professes that such thing are beneath him and he has no want or need of it.

Yes, after watching 'My Granny, The Escort', men all over the country were rushing to their computers to look up the legalities of having sex with a prositute straight afterwards. All in the name of 'research' you understand.

A visit to the reservations page of a 'restaurant with rooms' in the location near to where said man worked when he was in his previously 'unhappy marriage'.

Yes, I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for all it. In fact I have no doubt if and when the OP challenges him, he'll have one ready.

I believe the google search business because I do the same thing (female, happily married, no inclination to pay anyone for sex ever) but the excessive porn and shit sex life are another altogether.

Jengnr - I agree about the google business alone, I'm like you I google allsorts!
It's just the restaurant with rooms soon after that rings alarm bells for me. Like FJ says it may be to take OP out for the night, but it seems odd soon after searching prostitutes.

We could all be getting the wrong end of the stick but we could also just be seeing a small part of what he is up to

Porn and not a great sex life are a million miles away from said bloke arranging to meet escorts for candlelit dinners and nights away while his wife is pregnant.