To the lady who just got off the train at Clapham Junction..

[sophiaverloren]

Please don't marry him. At least, not yet. He has just spent 5 uninterrupted minutes telling you how shit the wedding make up has been whoever has done it. You would look better without it . You don't know what you are talking about. And, when asked what's wrong and you say " I get it, just don't go on about it" ( cos he was..) COMPLETELY IGNORED YOU and did the "yes but you need to know this" thing. He was HORRIBLE. I sincerely hope he'd had a few so had got hung up on one subject, but darling, that's not the impression I got.

On train home, had a few myself but felt desperately uncomfortable to be witness to the conversation and wanted to let it out...

I remember when my ex head butted me in the street once, a car stopped and there were 4 women in it who begged me to get in the car and go with them, I didn't

They obviously rang the police who arrived shortly after.

This was years and years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday and it's made me cry to think about it. Those looks or comments don't go unnoticed and cards would be amazing

Someone once did it to me. ExH dropped something and I picked it up. I got a withering/pitying/sad look. MN calling card would not have gone amiss.

right well i say let's do it. i would very happily be a card-slipper and check in on the thread regularly for arrivals.

it is a somewhat tamer version of my younger plan to assassinate arseholes but possibly a more rational one.

I could have done with this a few years back.
Underneath the Eiffel Tower, pushing DS in his pushchair, DD at my side and XP shouting 'you fucking CUNT' in my face.
I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. People were walking past and staring, I was frozen with humiliation.

Urgh sounds horrid! Also hate the first OP blaming post too, wtf is that about?

What a fantastic idea. Great idea.

I remember once crying my eyes out on a train because my BF was being an arse to me. (on the phone). A woman just before she got off hugged me and whispered 'You don't have to put up with it'.

That was 20 years ago and I have never forgotten it.

My ex H punched me in the side of the head when we were on holiday in Spain. He was very drunk and I told him I was taking ds back to the hotel, he grabbed the buggy and tried to take ds, I was terrified because he was so drunk and shoved him away so he punched me, I went down (still holding the buggy, had developed a panicked strength I think) and the next thing I knew was ex being set upon by a group of elderly Spanish women, hitting him with their handbags and screaming at him, while standing in the way of ds and I.

A shop assistant came out and took us into her shop, she called the police and fed ds chips and bread and actually cried over what she'd seen ex do, I insisted on leaving after about half an hour and she gave me her phone number and email address and begged me to leave ex, telling me to call her if I needed any help.

I saw a man turn up and start harassing his ex wife in our school playground, telling her how stupid she was and how if she didn't start toeing the line he'd be taking the kids away. She just stared straight ahead saying nothing, I looked at him disgustedly and he just stared right back at me and carried on, didn't care a jot. His two little dd's ran out of school then and he transformed into jolly superdad, which I found the creepiest thing of all. He walked out with the dd's, all of them totally ignoring the Mum .

This thread

I'm old and bolshie and stepped in with an incident on a street once

Young couple. He was being an arse, had grabbed her phone as she didn't want to speak to him - he was getting up in her face and being aggressive

I shouted oi and to give her phone back - lots of other people on the street just watching the drama

I asked her if she was ok etc etc

And why? Because if it was my DD or sister etc I would want to think someone would help

Here's Reality's thread that I think a pp was referring to

I love the cards idea. And all of you who have intervened, you are brave and wonderful

The LTB cards are a great idea. I hope for the sake of balance that LTB could also mean Leave the Bitch

My DP was in an abusive relationship for nearly 10 years. He was a SAHF, she was in a power career, Ex assaulted him, ignored him for weeks, threw his dinners in the bin after he used to prepare lovely food and is still angry at him to this day because he moved on and found happiness, runs a business and has a 50:50 PR which she tried to block. I know there are two sides to every story, but knowing him as I do, he did not deserve it ever, from that screwed up woman.

Male victims are forgotten - they are scared to say anything, they are trapped because they can lose contact with their children so are forced to stay in the abusive relationship, which DP was forced to do for many years longer than he wished for the sake of his child .

^ this. In my parents relationship my mother was the aggressor.

The calling cards are brilliant. I would definitely use them.

Oh, Christ, that ^^ was my parents, too.

It took 13 years for my DF to get away. He's now super happy with a really fantastic life, DM is still bitter and shrivelled and has turned to bullying others.

I was being horribly verbally abused by a neighbour to my workplace once (long story but )

He was so fucking awful a van of 6 police driving by on the 6 lane road we were close to and intervened.

I applaud them.

The neighbours wife left him not long after. I can imagine the misery she had with him. I applaud her too.

MNHQ yes please let's do the calling cards. Nothing too open on them, I love the idea of saying "a random stranger cared about you and thought you could benefit from this website" then a mumsnet logo and a link to a sticky thread, which should explain how to start your own thread in relationships.

I love the underground network of spare safe rooms too. Might need a bit more thought re safety for hosts but what a fantastic idea!

Here is the thread I was thinking of. Reality's op is one of those which should be plastered absolutely everywhere.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/698029-Right-listen-up-everybody/AllOnOnePage

Love the idea of cards too. This thread is so sad, Nicki your post made me cry .

I'd happily pass out cards. I still feel guilt after watching a man literally run alongside his parter/mother of his kids with her double buggy whilst shouting horrendous abuse at her. It was in front of the kids and she was desperately trying to get away from him and not react. It went on for a good 15mins as I walked behind with DD on the way to the supermarket. If DD hadn't been with me I like to think I would have said something, or stopped her and offered to help. I felt bad enough my DD having to hear/see it

can i just point out that if you link to an actual thread on a card, what happens if that thread is deleted? you have a load of useless cards?
arent threads deleted when they reach 1000 posts anyway? surely a link to the relationships board would be better?

They aren't deleted, but they can't be added to.

Agree a link to the Relationships board where a "Card Thread number X" was stickied would be good.

What's a sticky thread?

Mumsnet cards- fab idea

Sticky threads stay at the top of the Topic.

Horrible to witness this type of thing, not sure what you can do though.

I was in Dorset on hols last week and took my DDs to a funfair one evening. They were on a ride and I was people watching. Noticed two girls, prob mid teens, standing by the entrance waiting for someone. A bloke eventually strolled up, having been on one of the scarier rides and started telling them about it, although something about his swagger and attitude made me keep watching them as they walked away. He then suddenly went berserk, shouting and effing at one of the girls, punching her and giving her high kicks to the stomach. Luckily a dad, who had been waiting for his kids, had also noticed and ran over to them, pulled him off her. He was then squaring up to this dad, giving him verbal.

A little while ago I came out of the supermarket and the there was a man having a go at his partner. Getting right up in her face and belittling her and waving his fist. She was backed right up against the low car park wall and was bend backwards trying to get away from him and he just kept leaning in. People were just walking round them and ignoring what was happening to this poor young woman. So I rang 999 and reported an assault.

I hung around until the police turned up a few minutes later and watched for a little while but as I walked past them she was saying that it was fine, everything was ok, please don't take him away, it's a misunderstanding etc.

I always wonder if she ever left him.

I think it's a brilliant idea. Happy to hand out cards as well.

I like the idea of a "MN Card Thread #xx - Read here if you've been given a MN Card" as a sticky on Relationships is good. And the card will need to show the MN address as well as the Relationships board, so they know where to go (can you do a link that goes directly to relationships, there's my lack of knowledge showing a bit).

I agree with those that say if it even helps a few, no matter how many are passed out, it is worth it. Time we make a more concerted effort to expose the FWs and empower the women they belittle (or man, depending on the situation obviously).

And yes, I think helpful to post when you've passed out a card, outlining why you gave it, if people are comfortable with that. I know some won't be, but that gives the card recipient a chance to see what you saw (from a different perspective from their own). Sometimes seeing it with someone else's eyes really brings it home that the behaviour isn't "normal" relationship stuff IYSWIM.