To the lady who just got off the train at Clapham Junction..

[sophiaverloren]

Please don't marry him. At least, not yet. He has just spent 5 uninterrupted minutes telling you how shit the wedding make up has been whoever has done it. You would look better without it . You don't know what you are talking about. And, when asked what's wrong and you say " I get it, just don't go on about it" ( cos he was..) COMPLETELY IGNORED YOU and did the "yes but you need to know this" thing. He was HORRIBLE. I sincerely hope he'd had a few so had got hung up on one subject, but darling, that's not the impression I got.

On train home, had a few myself but felt desperately uncomfortable to be witness to the conversation and wanted to let it out...

eyes of the abuser i meant.

I WISH someone had spoken to me the number of times my exbf controlled and belittled me in public.
We went to a wedding (his friend) once on our way to London. So had a few drinks and then caught a train. He found fault in something I said or did and abandoned me semi tipsy to get across London on my own to my family. He turned up later. I cant remember (have blocked out) what the argument was about but it was completely him going off on one.

Then I took him away for Valentines day, to a lovely city we'd never visited. He spoke about my children and did them down and made me cry in a pub and called me a child, could never have an adult conversation, no wonder my sons were wimps.

That was about 6 weeks before I LTB.

The final straw was sitting in a country pub for lunch, I had a night out planned that night that I had been looking forward to for months. He made such a scene about it, he didnt want to come (I was glad) but knew Id go anyway and I wasnt thinking about him (MONTHS Id waited for it!) he proceeded to spend the day drinking and trying to get me to- I refused, no way was I ruining my night - he then said I couldnt have people round before - if I did he wouldnt be there and would go back to pub (I did and he did) and then when we were in cab to go to said night out, he called and asked to join us. Kept getting me shots so I would be really drunk. Then he stayed out all night.
I left him the next day.

Even my friends didnt tell me how bad he was. I wish someone had.

Sorry, needed that off my chest, still suffering over a year on I think!

So many stories, I too thank everyone who has stood up for someone being abused, it really helps to think "no it's not just me, other people see this too"

I love the idea of the cards in theory too, but I know you would need to judge very carefully how they are handed over, so that the bully didn't see it as yet another "excuse" to perpetrate abuse on their partner. But it's got to be better than doing nothing at all.

Cant see mumsnet going for this.
Their reputation would be mud by the end of a week.

I just don't understand the difference between confronting and 'calling' an abusive bully when they are laying into their partner in the street, which appears to be supported, and doing something equally proactive, but somewhat more 'under the radar' by handing out a card.

Both are actions that have good intentions. Even if MN isn't mentioned, maybe just a card with a big "LTB" You deserve better! on it is better than nothing.

Don't take the words too literally, that's just an example

We've probably done this one to death now, but all the same it was an interesting conversation thanks!

there needs to be more if these little snippits of information about. I put up with stuff for years before I had enough of the snippets to see that I needed to ltb. mumsnet was an eye opener. someone was relating what had gone on in their relationship and my first response was that was not that bad... then I read others horrified reactions to what she had posted.

I needed the drip drip, drip.

And giving out cards is another drip!

I agree with Reality. After all, if it's not relevant to someone then they won't bother to do anything about it; but if it is, well, as Reality says, it's another drip.

Well, i am going to buy some cards (link above). They are really easy and small to just keep in my purse.

I just looked at the link and just have a comment about the 'hands' on the card. Not to put too fine a point on it but it doesn't look like 'hands holding', it reminds me of the Tampax leaflet.

It is hard though. I must confess I get scared.

I cycled past a couple and the guy suddenly pushed his presumed GF into a wall for a laugh. She was hurt and crying and he was laugh in saying it was all a joke/where was her sense of humour.

I slew right down, called to her that he was a bully and to leave him.

But I did not stop completely though, because in all honesty I was scared. He was fit and since he enjoyed pushing someone he is supposed to love into walls, I was worried as to what might befall a nosy stranger.

Can I just point out that Realitybitesyourbum isn't Reality?

Indeed of course she isn't Eleanor!

Bet she gets that a lot though!

:)

I am! how on earth do you know

I thought you were!

But now I'm confused

No, now it's all clear, thanks.

Almost all my friends told me not to marry my ex. That says it all really. Lol.