To the lady who just got off the train at Clapham Junction..

[sophiaverloren]

Please don't marry him. At least, not yet. He has just spent 5 uninterrupted minutes telling you how shit the wedding make up has been whoever has done it. You would look better without it . You don't know what you are talking about. And, when asked what's wrong and you say " I get it, just don't go on about it" ( cos he was..) COMPLETELY IGNORED YOU and did the "yes but you need to know this" thing. He was HORRIBLE. I sincerely hope he'd had a few so had got hung up on one subject, but darling, that's not the impression I got.

On train home, had a few myself but felt desperately uncomfortable to be witness to the conversation and wanted to let it out...

Well what's the point of posting this now? It won't make a difference to her, maybe if you've said something back then.

FFS. Its a forum. For saying stuff.

OP is he still on the train? You might want to lurch your next drink over him at the next corner, trains can be very lurchy.

...Ooooo yes, let's hope she sees this!
I often see/hear interactions between people which are so toxic and always feel like jumping in and saying: 'Shhhhtop'! Life's too short, have some self-respect blah di blah'...
But then again, I think being single is generally a far healthier or certainly is if co-dependency/desperation/FEAR (of what...?) is the only reason you're in a relationship...And I see this a lot! :0)

She could be a MNer.

Good point. Perhaps I am too unsure of myself to know what I could say as clearly I didn't feel I could. Maybe this is a what would you do and the answers could teach me something for another time?

It's very hard to keep your mouth shut in these situations. For me it is anyway. I would've had to have given some kind of signal. I've lost friends because I can't ignore this kind of toxic behaviour. It's horrible.

Of course she wasn't going to say anything in public to the arsehole going on about it - he might have been aggressive

Hope she reads this, will save her years of misery

Whenever a MNer posts about something unpleasant that happens in public someone always, always comes on to try and make it the OP's fault, no matter what has happened.

We need a name for this phenomena. Any suggestions?

Cunty, self hatred, syndrome

I was once in the pub and some poor cow was trying to play pool while her know-it-all wanker of a partner/boyfriend/husband was loudly and embarrassingly 'coaching' her from the sidelines. You know the type....

She looked in my direction, I caught her gaze for second, shot her a 'what a tosser, you have my sympathy' eye-roll and got a resigned smile in return. If I'd been on your train I'd have tried something similar....

I like that solesource, it's catchy

I did the eye contact thing - she kept looking away. I did wonder about following them up the stairs saying Mumsnet loudly!

We need Mumsnet calling cards :)

This sort of scenario happened to me this week while I was cowering from the rain in a small lane near a place called the wine cellar in a certain city.....he was being SUCH a dick, going on and on at her about her 'trust issues'. It was all I could do not to screech 'Leave The Bastard' over my shoulder as I left. Woman in the alleyway: that man is no good and we both know full well you have trust issues because he cannot be trusted!!!

We seriously need MN calling cards. A bloke called his girlfriend a retard the other day within my ear shot. She had started queing at the wrong checkout, he'd already put some stuff on another one. He shouted "it's over here you fucking retard". I did stare at him in disbelief but think it was lost. Should have lobbed a cucumber at him.

This would never have happened in Clapham Junction in my time lol! Should've carried on to Balham at least!!!! Seriously what a tosser!

I'm liking the idea of an MN calling card.... I could go around like the Milk Tray bloke, quietly slipping them into pockets and handbags. :)

or just 'leave the bastard' cards with a link to a stickied thread on here explaining the cards and our mission.

Yes, yes...ltb cards

I passed a couple and their toddler sat in a car in the car park of the hospital where I work. The man was screaming and ranting at the woman so hard the car was shaking. She was sat in the driver's seat sobbing. Little boy in the back seat seeing and hearing it all

I stood and glared at him until he noticed me and told me to fuck off, then told him how disgusting his behaviour was. I thought the woman needed to know that other people thought he was a twat, that nothing justified his behaviour. I was so fucking angry I ended up telling security about it and they went to have words too.

I said something because having been in an abusive relationship I know how easy it is to believe a twat when they say 'it's all your fault'. For me, it was other people saying 'no that's not normal' that made me realise it was him, not me.

Plus, I have a big gob I can't keep shut

:)

I love the idea of calling cards and LTB cards.

I hate seeing things like this. On the train once me and my friend heard a man tell his wife that her friend was the "most beautiful woman" he's ever seen in real life. He went on and on and on about how sexy, how amazing her figure was, how she could be a movie star. His wife looked so crushed.

Me and my friend were looking at each other, mouths hanging open. I said under my breath "what a nob" and my friend (who is camp as christmas) leaned over to the couple and said to the man "Listen darling, you're already punching above your weight with your gorgeous wife here. Don't go giving her more excuses to run off with a younger model!"

Her face lit up and I was so proud of my friend for being bolder than I was and making this woman's night. He is fearless though.

It could be like Ghostbusters. "Do you have a cocklodger in your life? Is your man a wankbadger? Who you gonna call?"

I saw a couple on the bench at the park yesterday. The man was lecturing her very loudly about her finances and I heard him say 'my ex wife never listened to my advice either, you need to listen!'
I just thought , no wonder she's your ex, he sounded horrible!