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Original poster

Red Flags?

164 replies

EasyTigeress · 16/05/2014 20:00

Been seeing a guy for a month or so but getting warning signals and seriously thinking about just calling it a day now. There a few things I think are red flags and really just looking to make sure I'm not seeing things where nothing is there due to past crappy relationships although I would be quite shocked if I was told that. A few of the things are listen below:-

Makes very loose plans (probably more suggestions) and then doesn't mention them again for example "I'll come round tomorrow if your free, will text you tomorrow to confirm and then no message.

Makes firm plans and cancels at last minute.

If I have plans makes a big deal about having wanted to see me at that exact specific time Hmm

Doesn't like when I basically won't cancel said plans.

Wants to intrude on other plans. For example girls night out and want to come along.

Doesn't like when I don't allow him to intrude on said plans.

Can become very huffy about above with messages like "great, thanks then", "just forget about it" etc etc.

Writing it down makes me think he has control issues or something and whether I'm seeing things or not I'll still be ending it but there is just something not right about this is there?

OP posts:
sonjadog · 16/05/2014 22:47

I wouldn't block his number. I would want to know what he is up to and what he is saying, just in case he is about to turn up or if he is making threats.

ballsballsballs · 16/05/2014 22:49

His response made me Shock

I hope he doesn't get in touch again OP.

Original poster
EasyTigeress · 16/05/2014 22:50

I've had practice at spotting the crazy one's although this one slipped under the radar for longer than most. I honestly think I send out some signal for them Confused I think I officially need to give up on dating.

However on the bright side we were meant to be out tomorrow night so DD is already away overnight which means I can go to the pub with friend to watch the football instead Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
EasyTigeress · 16/05/2014 22:57

Oh FFS I actually think he is on his way to my house Shock

OP posts:
Salazar · 16/05/2014 22:58

Dear god. What a complete nut job.

waterlego6064 · 16/05/2014 22:59

Right. Could you phone 101 or whatever the non-emergency number is, to explain your concerns?

CrockedPot · 16/05/2014 23:05

I don't like the sound of this, hoping you are ok. Whatever you do, don't open the door. He sounds like a nightmare.

FunkyBoldRibena · 16/05/2014 23:10

Yes, call 101 and explain the situation, and ask someone to just check in with you in (how long would it take to get to your house?) x hours.

AtrociousCircumstance · 16/05/2014 23:10

Is there a friend or neighbour nearby you can explain the situation to? Perhaps someone can come over?

I know it's late but this sounds worrying to say the least.

FunkyBoldRibena · 16/05/2014 23:11

This is why you should never let them know where you live until you know them better.

wileycoyote · 16/05/2014 23:11

I would phone him and tell him to his face. It is bad being dumped by text - however deserved!

Cabrinha · 16/05/2014 23:17

Make sure your phone is charged. Do not let him in "to talk".
I really would call 101 for advice.

Salazar · 16/05/2014 23:26

Tigress are you okay?

pictish · 16/05/2014 23:36

Hope you're ok. He sounds dead intense and you were right to abort the mission.

Original poster
EasyTigeress · 16/05/2014 23:42

I knew him, he knew where I lived before the first date.

He's definitely on his way. Will take approx 40 minutes from now. Have a male friend on route. Such a pathetic thing to say but I will feel more safe with him here than any female friend.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 16/05/2014 23:42

Yes, call 101 and let them know what is happening. For him to come to your house after you have told him not to is seriously unacceptable behaviour and a big red flag for possible danger. Have you got good locks and bolts?
If he does appear do not open the door. If he starts banging and howling, lean out of an upstairs window and tell him to go away or you will call the police. If he doesn't go away, call them and they will come and shift him.

SolidGoldBrass · 16/05/2014 23:44

Xpost - whatever you do don't let the male friend go outside to speak to the arsehole. Your friend is there to reassure you, not engage in competitive willy-waving.

Original poster
EasyTigeress · 16/05/2014 23:51

He won't be going outside because he wouldn't speak to him if you catch my drift, he's purely here to keep me calm.

OP posts:
DeliberatelyDreaming · 16/05/2014 23:52

SGB is right Easy. Don't engage with him apart from to tell him to leave or the Police will be called and don't open the front door. If you let your friend speak to him that could enrage the situation. Keep as calm as you can and tell him to leave. Have your friend as support for you only. Good luck sweetie. As an OLDater, this is one aspect that worries me, meeting a dickhead!

Back2Two · 16/05/2014 23:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

Original poster
EasyTigeress · 17/05/2014 00:01

Back2Two

Ok will do.

OP posts:
Back2Two · 17/05/2014 00:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

Salazar · 17/05/2014 00:18

We don't actually know that this man has a disorder.

People can overstep boundaries for other reasons too.

Original poster
EasyTigeress · 17/05/2014 00:20

I am not saying he has a personality disorder. It was not meant as derogatory. It was a turn of phrase because of how he was acting. A poor one, quite possibly but it was still not meant as offensive.

OP posts:
Tinks42 · 17/05/2014 00:24

It all sounds a bit dramatic on both parts for a month?