Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Red Flags?

164 replies

EasyTigeress · 16/05/2014 20:00

Been seeing a guy for a month or so but getting warning signals and seriously thinking about just calling it a day now. There a few things I think are red flags and really just looking to make sure I'm not seeing things where nothing is there due to past crappy relationships although I would be quite shocked if I was told that. A few of the things are listen below:-

Makes very loose plans (probably more suggestions) and then doesn't mention them again for example "I'll come round tomorrow if your free, will text you tomorrow to confirm and then no message.

Makes firm plans and cancels at last minute.

If I have plans makes a big deal about having wanted to see me at that exact specific time Hmm

Doesn't like when I basically won't cancel said plans.

Wants to intrude on other plans. For example girls night out and want to come along.

Doesn't like when I don't allow him to intrude on said plans.

Can become very huffy about above with messages like "great, thanks then", "just forget about it" etc etc.

Writing it down makes me think he has control issues or something and whether I'm seeing things or not I'll still be ending it but there is just something not right about this is there?

OP posts:
wyrdyBird · 16/05/2014 21:34

Ignore.
If he harasses you, deploy SolidGold's strategy - warn him, once, and block.

Juno321 · 16/05/2014 21:36

Get rid he'll only get worse if he's like this after 4 weeks!!

Original poster
EasyTigeress · 16/05/2014 21:37

He predictably tried to phone and left a voicemail saying phone me back, I want to speak to you.

I'm fine though just dreading the messages which I think will come.

OP posts:
JaceyBee · 16/05/2014 21:41

Do you feel safe? Is there a friends you could crash at for the weekend if you're worried?

You're doing the right thing not engaging with him, keep any texts he sends just in case you need to get the police to have a word in his ear. Although I'm sure it won't come to that

cjelh · 16/05/2014 21:42

Hold tight Tigress, Remember what he wants doesn't have to happen(x)!!

JaceyBee · 16/05/2014 21:44

Oh and congrats on your finely tuned bullshit radar! Smile

AskBasil · 16/05/2014 21:50

Jesus.

That's an offensive and threatening message. You don't get to make that decision why? Because you have no right to end a relationship with him, he gets to call the shots.

He's an A grade nutter.

Keep that message because you may get more and you may need to pass them all on to the police.

Are you OK?

SolidGoldBrass · 16/05/2014 22:08

Oh dear. I suggest texting back 'I have already made the decision. Do not contact me again.' Then ignore ignore ignore. If he turns up at your home, do not let him in and if he makes a fuss call the police. But do not engage any further.

teaandthorazine · 16/05/2014 22:15

Fucking hell, what a creep. What is wrong with these men?

Ignore, ignore, ignore, and block. Do NOT call him (am sure you won't but just to emphasise). Agree with SGB that you may have to invoke police involvement if he doesn't go quietly. Men like that need to understand they do not get to make the rules.

teaandthorazine · 16/05/2014 22:16

Yes, and don't delete anything, just in case. Hopefully he's just being an arrogant twonk and will leave you alone in a bit...

Original poster
EasyTigeress · 16/05/2014 22:19

Got a message saying "I'm on my way" so replied saying "If you turn up at my door I will call the police, you are not welcome here. The relationship is over end of story." NO KISS!! Grin

I'm ok it's a bit (ok a lot) creepy but if he turns up which I actually doubt he will I'll call the police immediately although I'm pretty sure I could take him

Seriously where do I find these weird men? I think I have a stamp on my head, or possibly my ass saying "if you have a borderline personality disorder apply here"

OP posts:
AskBasil · 16/05/2014 22:26

Well done on the uncompromising response.

teaandthorazine · 16/05/2014 22:26

And you've only been seeing this guy for...how long? Bloody hell. Who does he think he is?

Do you have a friend who could hang out with you tonight?

SolidGoldBrass · 16/05/2014 22:27

Well done. If he does turn up (which he might do, bearing wine and a bunch of flowers from the petrol station, quite probably) don't open the door, don't engage at all. Men like this don't stay nice for long and even if he arrived with a load of promises to be Wonderful Boyfriend, it wouldn't last.

Original poster
EasyTigeress · 16/05/2014 22:33

I know! It's 4 weeks and not what I would even class as a relationship but surprise surprise he didn't like me not too. He also didn't like that I wouldn't change my FB status even though my current status is nothing.

What was I thinking? It's weird how writing it all down in one go makes it seems like so much more.

I'm ok by myself, the little one is all tucked up in bed and I'll be heading the same way shortly, once I know he's not showing up at the door.

Just got another message saying "I NEED to see you" Hmm he's not one for taking a hint or even a blunt fuck off it appears.

OP posts:
Original poster
EasyTigeress · 16/05/2014 22:33

It's fine the wine won't sway me, I have plenty Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
EasyTigeress · 16/05/2014 22:38

Next message "are you being fucking serious?"

For an intelligent guy he really isn't that smart when it comes to common sense.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 16/05/2014 22:40

Ugh, creepy guy. Definitely call the police if he turns up. Don't let him in.

waterlego6064 · 16/05/2014 22:41

You've done the right thing Tigeress. Don't engage now- you've said what you'll do if he dares to turn up at your home. I hope he makes the sensible choice.

Original poster
EasyTigeress · 16/05/2014 22:42

Trust me I won't

OP posts:
Botanicbaby · 16/05/2014 22:42

completely agree with SGB's posts.

I too would have said "I already did." in response to his "you don't get to make that decision" text. Who the fuck does he think he is?

What's with the "I NEED to see you". As if he'd put up with that kind of shit if things were the other way round.

He is truly awful. Glad you are shot of him. Hope he doesn't harass you any more by text or turn up at your door.

matildasquared · 16/05/2014 22:42

Oh god Easy.

Please just block his number.

Hope you're okay.

Original poster
EasyTigeress · 16/05/2014 22:45

I can't block his number, Don't think it's possible from my phone. He tried ringing the house phone too so I've unplugged that.

This guy really is crazy eh?

OP posts:
teaandthorazine · 16/05/2014 22:45

He sounds deeply unpleasant. Well done you for spotting it so early, though.

I really really hope he's not stupid enough to turn up, and you have a peaceful night.

Entitled little prick.

FunkyBoldRibena · 16/05/2014 22:46

Yes, he certainly sounds it.