DH said no more tattoos

[ICanSeeTheSun]

My vision is to turn my back into a canvas, I believe tattoo are art, so far I have 4 on my back.

I love them and it is a part of me.

I always wanted a tattoo but could never think of what I want to get! I went for a nose piercing instead

You know, I get more and more keen on tattoos the older I get. In my early twenties I wanted one but worried that in another decade I'd hate what I chose, or that I'd think I'd spoiled my body. After having DD, getting generally saggier and more stretch-marked, acquiring numerous scars, and gaining, losing and regaining weight, I'm reaching the conclusion that there's bugger all point worrying about what future me is going to think of this body. It's going to change whatever I do, and different times in my life are going to leave their mark, so I might as well get in on this and make my own marks too.

Similarly, if you sign up to be with someone for life, you are going to have to accept that they will change a bit during that time! Loving DH the way I do, loving his personality and the way he thinks, I can't imagine him inking anything on himself that I couldn't accept. It would be a bit more of him showing on the outside. I'd be happy to see it, I'd enjoy his self-expression because it's his self that I love. Isn't that how love works? I dunno though, I can't think of one physical trait - apart from poor hygiene, which is rather different - that I would find inherently unattractive in a person I otherwise loved. Possibly I'm missing something.

I have only skim read this thread, but why have loads of tattoos on your back where you can't see them? Given that your husband is the one person who will see the tattoos all the time and doesn't like them, and you won't enjoy the benefit of them it does sound a little like you want to piss him off.

I quite like small, understated tattoos, but find whole swathes of tattooed skin unattractive, but that is just my personal opinion. If OH decided to get himself covered in tattoos I wouldn't think any less of him, but I would probably tell him that I don't find them attractive, in the same way that he might say that a certain outfit I wear isn't the most flattering.

The Mumsnet logo would make a very good tattoo in my opinion.

I can envisage having no tattoos, & being with someone who finds them repellent or objectionable somehow - as in, they'd have been a deal-breaker when the two of us got together - & so in these circumstances I probably wouldn't get one, even though I might rather like one, because 'not having tattoos' would be part of the understanding between myself & my partner.

I'm not saying that the partner in this situation gets to veto the tattoo; but they do get to say 'I don't want to be with a person who has tattoos - I've always felt like this, & you knew that when we got together, so if you do decide to get one, I'm off.'

But if OP already has 4, her dh obviously doesn't have any sort of tattoo-phobia - either he originally got together with a tattooed woman, or he's not objected to #1-4 in the course of the relationship. At this point he can disapprove of #5 all he likes, & again how he reacts is up to him, but he's hardly being reasonable to try to lay down the law!

I like my tattoo, & I'm planning more. The one I've got was originally a cover up of a faded one I had done at 18. The place I went to for the original cover up didn't do a particularly great job of it, & I've had it much improved by someone better since.

My tattoo's never been a problem in my rather responsible & respectable teaching job.

I'd be honestly bewildered if anyone did think it was something they could comment on negatively, tbh. It's fine if someone doesn't like it & wouldn't have one, but good manners surely require them to keep that opinion to themselves, exactly as I don't make rude remarks about, say, shellac nails or botoxed faces, despite privately thinking that both look ghastly.

Bunbaker my back piece is probably my favourite of all my tattoos. I don't see it very much, that's true, but I absolutely feel the benefit. It felt like my first 'proper' tattoo when I started getting it done (I am aware of the lips curling among the anti-tattoo brigade as they read this) and I think it's absolutely beautiful. I don't need to see it all the time to know it's there.

As I said on page 1, my husband has no tattoos but, thankfully, has been nothing but supportive and appreciative of my own; and each one I've discussed with him at length before I got it. I'm so relieved that's the case, as I do believe in compromise in long term relationships and it would have been hard if he'd been really against them. Although I can't think of anything divisive in our 10 year marriage that we haven't eventually agreed on, even if we've started off in diametrically opposed positions.

TBH, chavvy is bandied around too easily. And wrongly?
The definition (original) of chav wasn't about tattoos. People saying that having tattoos is chavvy just don't know what to call people with tattoos and chavvy is just the most current derogatory term they can find. Shame on you.

You might say that there was a fashion trend for the small tattoos, but to cover large sections of the body with tattoos is beyond that. It's a very personal choice and it's not about fashion. It's a personal expression like a lifestyle or clothes style or hair style.
You may change hair colour, but some people keep changing their hair colour and their characteristic is exactly that.
Some people tone their muscles. Is that chavvy?

I really don't get the effort some people are making to tell others who like and want tattoos that what they are doing is wrong.

How does having tattoos impact on your life (the ones criticizing) or anyone else?

Even husbands/wives don't have to look at them all the time. Most of the time at home we tend to be covered and even in bed we don't stare at each other's bodies continuously.

And what about the people whoh want to look chavvy? Is there anything intrinsically wrong with looking chavvy? Or being chavvy? Why is your lifestyle better than a chav lifestyle.
Stop judging people on looks.

We need a like button. Well said Lweji.

bunbaker two reasons I have mine on my back. Firstly, I'm building up to a whole menagerie of mythical creatures on there one day I hope! It has been a dream of mine since I was about 15 and I can't envisage having tattoos anywhere else. Second, I am the same as a pp and work in an sector where, although in the office people don't care, some of my client facing work would suffer because some people still make judgements purely on appearance :( So my back was the easiest place to cover up if I needed to. I love my work so although I rile a bit at the discrimination, I have to accept this is the way it is if I want to do what I do. Attitudes are changing though.

As for why the back? I know they are there and that's all that matters. When I catch a glimpse now and then it gives me such great pleasure to see them. I feel I appreciate them more because they aren't in a more obvious location so I don't get to see them as much - but that is just me. DH has one on his upper arm and one on his wrist, both same arm and is planning one on his neck, a sleeve on his right arm and getting his leg done. We live in the Netherlands (he's Dutch) and it is a much more relaxed attitude here to tattooing and general workplace attire etc. He was quite shocked by the UK

sarkina There are some phenomenal Maori tattoos. I lived in NZ for a while and the history behind it is fascinating.

lewj that is a brilliant post.

If my OH got tattoos all over his back I wouldnt care if 1000 people thought it was ok, his body, etc...if its unattractive to me then its unattractive. Simple as that. Their opinions arent somehow going to make it attractive to me. I don't mind a couple of small/medium tattoos but a load of tattoos/a back canvas would repulse me..I feel itchy at the thought of it. I just like bare skin not loads of drawing over it. Its a turn-off.

In this case OP Id say go ahead if its really, really important to you. Its your body. As long as you don't have an expectation that your OH should love the look of it, when he's already very clearly told you he'd find it unattractive. Its not as if you don't know.

I love my back tattoo because a) a lot of the little details like the skull flowers & bats were DH's own drawings b) I love catchy a peak of it in the mirror and admiring it c) even though many have a similar tattoo (corset and skeleton - mine with added bats, flowers, and skulls) mine has personal meaning behind it and the personal touch.

I agree with posters above; We currently live in Germany and tattoos here are more accepted and DH (German) finds the UK quite "uptight" and stuck in it's ways. My dad is Russian amd says that even Russia are less judgemental when it comes to tattoos and piercings although DH could get arrested for his back piece!

I've lost track of what I was gunna add now. Damn. It was a good snarky comment too. Sigh. Oh well, the posters above explained it better than I ever could.

It's your choice to change your body knowing that it's unattractive to your partner. He also has choice and can find someone who cares to make themselves appealing to him. You're both adults, if defacing your body is more important than your relationship, so be it.

can find someone who cares to make themselves appealing to him

If he is that type of man.

So she should stiffle how she wants to look and feel to please her man?

As long as you don't have an expectation that your OH should love the look of it, when he's already very clearly told you he'd find it unattractive. Its not as if you don't know

She already has four tattoos. It's not like her love of tattooing should come as some huge shock to him. It's fair enough you and many others don't find it attractive - you've made a conscious decision to be with someone who also does not like tattoos which makes sense.

The difference is that her married her knowing this. He obviously we take bothered about it to not be with her before. Why should she have to change something that is so important to her? There's doing things to please your other half and then there's being forced to make changes that run contrary to your beliefs. The latter does not sit well with me. If she'd come suddenly with a head to toe dragon tattoo and no warning I could understand his reaction (even though it's still her body!) but to try and change something she loves so much not seem right.

if defacing your body is more important than your relationship, so be it.

Who are you to be so judgemental about what the op or anyone else thinks is a beautiful thing to do to their body? Dislike it, fine, judge, no.

multiplemama my husband used much stronger phrases than 'uptight'

We take? Phone fail. Meant to say, was not.

"So she should stiffle how she wants to look and feel to please her man?"

Or deliberately do something he doesn't like? Neither of them or right or wrong IMO.

Another one that agree's with Lweji.

Again why do people think it is ok, to judge and criticize some one who chooses to have body art ?? Are we suddenly mass murders, or something worse because we made the decision to have tattoo's??

I don't have tattoo's for any one but myself and yes I understand and accept that due to having them, people will look and comment.

I understand that some people don't find them attractive, but thats no different to saying I don't find blondes attractive but in no way would I then criticize someone for been blonde.

This thread reminds me of an ex of mine who got with me knowing I had my entire back tattooed then expected me to keep it covered up all the time. I'm so glad I didn't stay with him

livingzuid - So did mine with much profanity but "uptight" was a much more polite term .

Or deliberately do something he doesn't like?

She's not doing it spite him, she wants one because she likes them and wants them. If he didn't like them that much then why did he stay with her? He must have known she'd one day might like another.

People are just so rude about it to. I have my arm sleeved, it's made up of different things related to my family and my legs have quite a few and I remember a delivery driver from work stopping to use our canteen for a cuppa before he went on to the next shop and he literally asked me what EVERY single bit of my sleeve was for then went on to rant for the whole half an hour in front of me how much he hated tattoos. It's so rude! He also had a big beer gut and was receeding but I didn't sit there for half an hour ranting about how unattractive men are with big bellies and no hair.

I don't like "in your face" tattoos, but I would never be rude to anyone about it. I just don't think they are attractive. You would look at me and not find me attractive in any way, and I would expect you not to be rude about it either.

Exactly bunbaker and infact, you are right, he was not attractive but I'd never dream of sitting there being rude about it! Mind you, it's not just tattoos that attract people, i forgot how much pregnancy attracts rude comments to, this seems to be invitation for people to comment rudely on appearance to!