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Original poster

DH said no more tattoos

366 replies

ICanSeeTheSun · 15/05/2014 22:52

My vision is to turn my back into a canvas, I believe tattoo are art, so far I have 4 on my back.

I love them and it is a part of me.

OP posts:
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6
NoArmaniNoPunani · 17/05/2014 14:21

That makes me feel old, I had my first tattoo in 1997

MultipleMama · 17/05/2014 14:25

Great choices RandomInternetStranger Grin

Lweji · 17/05/2014 14:46

The woman with the neck tattoo will have a wrinkly neck tattoo when she is 70 though, won't she.

Are you 10 or blind?
That woman is easily over 70 already. Grin

RandomInternetStranger · 17/05/2014 16:27

I plan on a lot of surgery so saggy tats and tits won't be a problem. Grin

TheCatThatSmiled · 17/05/2014 16:29

A friend of mine, when we were discussing my tat (small horse on my back) and what it would look like when O was old, said that when she's looking after her ladies (works in a nursing home) if she sees a tatto always thinks ' she's lived a life' and it reminds her that they weren't always old, forgetful or incontinent. That they are still young in their head, and still people.

RandomInternetStranger · 17/05/2014 16:34

I think by the time were old it won't be so weird, because everyone our age with tats will all be old together. It doesn't look weird to see an old man with tattoos, you just assume he was a sailer or in the army or a bit of a lad when younger or something and I think in another 50 years time our grandchildren will just think oh that was the fashion when Nana and her friends were our age. My 60 year old mother is contemplating her first tattoo which is hilarious as she's always HATED them but her attitude as she gets older is more so what than it was when she was young. Plus she's had to calm the hell down about them when her only daughter is a walking doodle pad and started at 15. Grin Not an awful lot of choice was given to her in the matter.Grin

FoxInTheDesert · 17/05/2014 16:40

I find the "It's my body and I can do whatever I want and my partner should just accept it" quite selfish. Being in a relationship means compromise and considering the other person's feelings and opinions. Do you really want to do something you know your partner dislikes that much? Very inconsiderate.

You can go on and do whatever you want and not respect your DP's opinion on this, but then don't be surprised if your DP will no longer feel attracted to you. Regardless of how much he loves you.

I would be very upset if my DH would do something he knows I would be unhappy about just because he thinks he can do whatever he wants, and I would not do something I know my DH would be unhappy about.

RandomInternetStranger · 17/05/2014 16:56

Fox I couldn't disagree more. I think a partner should love you for you, warts and all, and love you for your individual style and choices and likes and dislikes. Stopping them having a tattoo is like the stereotypical bully who won't let their partner wear certain clothes, do their hair a certain way, gain weight, wear make-up... that would be considered control and even abuse, why shouldn't stopping them having tattoos?? It's all in the way it is said, obviously, and it is one thing to say "blue really suits you, you should wear more blue, it really brings out your eyes" and another to say "you look dreadful in grey, I don't want you wearing any grey anymore, I don't want people seeing you with me when you look like that, it's embarrassing" which is what my ex said to me, blocking a tattoo would be the same thing. Saying "I personally really don't like tattoos, I wouldn't get one myself, I really hope you'll seriously think about this and hope you get something you won't regret, but ultimately it's your body and I'll love you regardless" is very different to "no wife of mine!" of course. However you are supposed to love a partner for everything about them, not for how they looked in one snapshot moment when you met, and people change, style evolves, taste changes and you can't stop loving them because they decide to change their look! Would you have the same attitude if someone said they didn't fancy their wife anymore because they put on weight since getting older and having kids, or for going grey, or dying their hair red??

I can't believe how many people still judge books by covers.

Mckayz · 17/05/2014 17:08

Completely agree with what Random says. I hate beards but if DH wants to grow one then it's up to him. I love him for who he is. Not what he looks like.

BuggersMuddle · 17/05/2014 20:01

Would just add to the many other comments about stating that it's perfectly possible to be tattooed and have a respectable job.

I work in banking. You don't get much more staid and respectable than that. I work with many tattooed people, male and female.

With most of them, you wouldn't see their tattoos when they are wearing suits, but come dress down Friday and particularly in the summer it's a different story.

People with client facing roles tend to have easily covered tattoos because of the assumptions some clients (sadly) would make about their competence. For the same reason, I would imagine that pink hair tends to be seen in IT & back office roles, rather on a sales director.

One of the most tattooed people I work with is a fairly senior accountant. I was going to make a facetious comment, but I won't - I'll just say no-one gives a shit.

FoxInTheDesert · 17/05/2014 20:20

Really Random, abuse??? Not wanting your partner to pollute her entire back with ink is abuse? And you actually think something permanent as a tattoo is the same as a hair colour or make up? You can't just not wear your tattoos when your partner is around, you can wear a different shade of lipstick. It is about not respecting the opinions and feelings if your partner, and them not liking you to do something is NOT abuse. Really here on MN the word abuse is used so easily. Really if all people have the same attitude as on this thread, people woudl be better off single so they don't have to make any compromise or respect their partners wishes. Very very selfish and immature.

MrsWolowitz · 17/05/2014 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

samsam123 · 17/05/2014 20:47

I think they look horrible on men and women totally chavvy

IamAwitch · 17/05/2014 20:47

I think one of the greatest things I have ever read about people and tattoo's is

The difference between tattooed people and non tattooed people is that tattooed people don't judge non tattooed people for not having tattoo's

I have lots of tattoo's including a full sleeve and back and thighs and feet lol
I also own and run my own business, very much public related and have only ever had one negative comment, some people on here are small minded, in that when you have tattoo's you suddenly became scum hahaha
I don't care if they don't find me attractive because I like been me, luckily for me though my husband is a tattoo artist

As for compromise and respecting their partners wishes that works both ways, so op may be your dh should respect your wish for more body art

Mckayz · 17/05/2014 21:05

It's really really childish to use chavvy. There is nothing remotely chavvy about me thank you very much!!

MrsWolowitz · 17/05/2014 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MultipleMama · 17/05/2014 21:14

IamAwitch, completely agree.

^The difference between tattooed people and non tattooed people is that tattooed people don't judge non tattooed people for not having tattoo's"... and a few on this thread have just proven this point.

Compromise works both ways. I think it's okay for her DH to say he doesn't like them and rather not see them on her, but it's also okay for her to say I respect your decision but I like them, and I want another.

She could get one, and have her DH find her unattractive and leave, or she could give in and not get one which may lead to her being resentful and people (including some on this thread) will think she's being selfish. Either way, she's dammed if she does, dammed if she don't.

Luckily, I married a man who has as many tattoos as myself, and doesn't find me "chavvy" Hmm.

Why is it so hard for some to say I don't like tattoos, and leave it at that instead of ending it with an insult. Jeez.

Mckayz · 17/05/2014 21:31

It is something I do not understand. If you don't like tattoos then fine. But why do you need to insult us? We never insult you for not having them.

Lemiserableoldgimmer · 17/05/2014 21:54

Multiple - we form ideas about people's values and self image from the way they present themselves. Tattoos aren't neutral, any more than a Margaret Thatcher hair do or fishnet tights. Or, indeed, tattoos. I don't like visible tattoos on otherwise conventional looking women because I think they look um, rough. It's not that I think people who have them are nasty or stupid, just... rough. Sorry.

MultipleMama · 17/05/2014 22:19

Then why not simply say we don't look conventional, I'd rather be told that then be told I look rough, chavvy, common etc.

IamAwitch · 17/05/2014 22:22

I don't look rough, and I am sure all the other ladies don't look rough either just because we have tattoo's.

Its your choice not to like them, but I am sure you would take offence in me saying I thought you looked rough without tattoo's Sorry

LondonForTheWeekend · 17/05/2014 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

livingzuid · 17/05/2014 22:34

In this particular instance the op has had made her feelings known for quite some time. And I believe before the marriage. It should come as no surprise to her Dh that she wants more. In which case, he married her knowing tattooing is a passion of hers and shouldn't be trying to force her to do something she isn't comfortable with.

As for the 'respecting a partner's wishes' statement to me that just sounds like a load of submissive rubbish. It is her body and her choice ultimately. If he's so shallow as to leave her over something in time he won't notice anyway as it becomes familiar, then they could both be better off with other partners who are more compatible with the way they want to live.

Stereotypes are the sign of low intellect and a narrow mind.

This is exactly it and so well put. The measured responses as to why not to tattoos or why the op should think of a different approach have been interesting to read and restore my faith a little with people being tolerant of others differences. It is the really quite vitriolic language used by some posters on their dislike of tattooing that has shocked me a bit. And to be frank a lot of it comes across as quite irrational. Still, it's a reminder to me to try to keep an open mind as possible no matter the situation!

RandomInternetStranger · 17/05/2014 23:17

I love it. Chavvy & rough. Grin I would put money on it that I could out upper-middle-class the majority of contributors to this thread, if not these boards. I just choose not to wear the uniform.

Anniegetyourgun · 17/05/2014 23:22

My dh would hate it if I cut my hair short so I keep it long.

Mine hated it if I cut my hair short, so I... cut it anyway. I was the one who had to wash it and style it and try to look tidy at work all day, not to mention have it blow into my eyes in windy weather, and when the DC were small little sticky fingers grabbing handfuls of hair, ouchy ouch. So I did what made me comfortable. I can't help it if he had a fixed idea that "women have long hair" Hmm After I LTB I had it cut even shorter.

Re tattoos, definitely not my thing, and like some of the older posters here I remember when it was considered rough to have 'em; but fashions do change, so they really don't have that connotation any more and haven't for decades. Some tattoos do look not only fine but quite classy; I remember a friend having one of a trail of ivy curling over her shoulder and down her arm, and it was beautiful. I would certainly stand up for anyone's right to jolly well dye whatever they wanted as long as it was their own.