DH said no more tattoos

[ICanSeeTheSun]

My vision is to turn my back into a canvas, I believe tattoo are art, so far I have 4 on my back.

I love them and it is a part of me.

Can you genuinely afford them? It would annoy me if my DH made a tattoo a priority financially.

DH is having a procedure done today that I'm not totally keen on**

DH and I will sit in heavily tattooes in our rocking chairs and laugh at the youths that stroll on by

How boring for you, I will be travelling the world and having a ball!!!

I think they let tattooed people on planes too, doziedoozie.

Well it depends, it's your body, but if you are wasting family money that you can't afford or expecting him to pay for your art that he doesn't like, or sacrificing other family treats to pay for it, then YABU. If it's out of your "me money" budget and you aren't expecting him to fund it or reduce his or your DCs lifestyle, then YANBU.

also if he finds tattoos unattractive, you have to accept that. It's still your body and your choice, but you can't expect him to just be happy about it, nor can you expect that doing something to your apperance that you know he'll find replusive will have no negative effect on your sex life...

It is your body, and you can do what you like with it.

He also, of course, is perfectly entitled in leaving the relationship if he no longer finds you attractive once you have covered yourself in tattoos.

How have you, a person who "believes tattoos are art" and has several, ended up married to someone who doesn't like tattoos?! That's quite an incompatibility, maybe it seemed unimportant earlier in the relationship? Either way there's some compromise required here if you want to stay together I think.

Should start by saying I'm a tattoo fan and yes, it isyour body and your choice but you probably should consider the fact that he has a choice about whether he is in a relationship with you or not and if he really dislikes tattoos then he may leave.

He absolutely should not be decreeing that you cannot get more and I'd say this is a bigger relationship problem than the tattoo incompatibility. It demonstrates possible inequality in your relationship if instead of compromising he thinks he can dictate to you.

MrsW - you can love someone but no longer find them attractive because they have covered themselves in tattoos or having umpteen body piercings or put on excessive amounts of weight.

I know some people see that as heresy but you read it on these threads all the time - that someone's sex life has gone downhill and they no longer fancy their partner because they have put on a lot of weight. That's just fact of life.

If someone really doesn't like tattoos, then of course they could no longer find someone attractive if they started covering their body in them. And often when the attraction wanes and the sex life wanes then the love can wane too. Bye bye relationship.

I don't mind one or two small tattoos. But if my OH suddenly decided to start covering their whole body in them, I'm sorry, I would find that unattractive and sexually unappealing. I wouldn't stop loving him overnight. But I'm afraid it would spell the end.

MrsWolowitz - her decision to go grey is not hte same, a) it's the lack of changing herself, just being who she is, not actively changing the way she looked, b) hair colour is not permanent (or costs a vast amount to change) and c) doesn't cost the family anything.

I remember another thread about someone who's DH had got fat since giving up sports. There was lots of comments about "start serving healthier foods" and "suggest you want to go to the gym together" along with people saying she should just love her DH just as much no matter what he looked like. Realistically, I'd still love my DH no matter how fat he got, but I don't think I'd find him anywhere near as sexually attractive as I do now. If one partner stops finding the other one sexually attractive, it's bloody hard to keep a relationship strong.

Some of us love tattoos, some of us hate them which is absolutely fair enough. We're all different. Will I give a damn what some know it all twenty something decides to judge me as someone in my 70s? Actually anyone right now who chooses to be prejudiced against me for having tattoos? Nope, I really couldn't care less. I'll be off to the tattooist to get more.

If you would leave your wife over her getting a tattoo then there is far more wrong with your relationship than that. Did you ever say to Dh you wouldn't get any more, or have that conversation? Tattoos are a bit of a lifestyle choice I think, in that if you are with someone who hates them then it's not that compatible.

Agree very much on the money point. We don't have money to spare on tattoos as other things are a priority. Is this perhaps one of your Dh's main objections?

I don't think tattoos are a lifestyle choice in that way though, most people who have 1 or 2 tattoos never have more. I actually find one or two tattoos attractive, they are more of an 'enhancement' or decoration of a body - but once you've gone over a certain level of covering the body, then I no longer see the person's body, just the tattoos. No matter how 'hot' the body is underneath, I don't see it after a certain % is covered, just the patterns. I can't find a heavily tattooed man sexy, even if he's got a six pack and fabulous body.

Most people who have 1 or 2 tattoos don't decide to turn their body into a canvas, and most people who do decide to turn their body into a canvas did that before they'd had any tattoos.

If the OP's DH met her at the "1 or 2" stage, then it's quite reasonable to assume that's as far as it would go.

Living - I think there is a world of difference between "getting a tattoo" to getting most or all of your body in them. If my wife got a small tattoo on her shoulder, say, I don't think I would find her less attractive. If she started tattooing her whole back, whole arm, or her face, then I absolutely would find her less attractive. I'd also wonder why she felt the need to do that because I just don't 'get' it. Neither of us would be wrong in our respective feelings.

But this is clearly a thread that will be very divisive and those who don't like tattoos often don't understand the need or desire to want to cover up huge parts of your body in ink will obviously have a different view to those who do have tattoos.

For feks sake let's imagine this from the other point of view. Husband comes on here complaining that he wants his body to be an art canvas and wife is complaining as he already had 4. Said couple don't have much money.

Do you lot think there would be so many 'she can't tell you what to do' comments.

I think the comments are pretty evenly split, actually.

@MrsWolowitz : Yes I do love my wife and marriage is all about compromise and unselfishness.

I really hate tattoos but luckily so does my wife. We watched "Body Shockers" (www.channel4.com/programmes/bodyshockers) in disbelief that people would actually pay money to do that to themselves.

And don't get me started on the 'every one means something to me". A tattoo is NOT a life experience, it's ink injected into your skin by a not very well known 'artist'.

If you want a life experience or feel something is missing from your live, do something that will give you true memories.

To the OP: After your back, maybe you could save up for something like this?

www.pinterest.com/pin/414331234439703312/

And maybe your husband could have one of you like this:

www.pirate4x4.com/forum/general-chit-chat/692847-crappy-tattoos.html

Or maybe this:

www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=45118

I guess with the tattoo being on your back, at least you won't have to look at for the rest of your life, just your poor husband (if he stays with you)

We don't know that they "don't have much money, just that the husband thinks it's a waste of money.

I'd be telling the same to anyone.
A husband or a wife can't tell the other what to do with their bodies, they can't punish each other for changing their bodies, but they can choose to leave and can certainly say if they like it or not and have a voice regarding the expenditure involved if it is family money.

www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=45118
Wow, that's at least a B cup.

If you want a life experience or feel something is missing from your live, do something that will give you true memories. Sorry are you God or just a random person on the internet? You have no right to tell people what is a "true" memory to them. :S Also, I feel sorry for your wife, as you clearly don't actually know what true love is.

I have plenty and despite what the God poster says above (he talks shit btw) there are some bloody good tattoists out there, get yourself to some conventions and get to know what are good and bad tattoos, if you have four, you probably already know though. I totally agree, it's your choice and if your husband doesn't like it, not really your problem. As long as you aren't over stretching the budget and going wild then it's fine. If I have ever wanted one I tend to wait till birthday/christmas and I usually get money as a gift (as i am hard to buy for) and use that.

Also ignore the "eww it will look horrible when your older" 1) you won't give a fig what people think when you are old 2) there will be a lot more tattooed people anyway and 3) people that say that generally have little knowledge on tattoos nowadays, the ink and techniques used are completely different and don't fade the way they used to.

GH35, all of my tattoos mean something to me even if you don't think they do. And all of my future ones will mean something to me too.

OP, I think you and your dp need to have a full and frank discussion about your finances.

You say you pay for everything 50/50 and he feels that tattoos are a waste of money.

These feelings must be taken into consideration - you say money is tight, so his objections are valid.

I don't see this as a fight for your rights over your body, and your rights to cover it in tattoos, this is a financial question, and as part of a couple who share the costs of everything equally, he does have a say in how you spend money on your hobby.

You need to step away from asserting your rights, and start to think about your responsibilities within your partnership.

I've got lots of tattoos, I do regret some of them, but also I like that fact that I was a bit wild when I was younger, my ex always told me that he didn't like certain ones, but it's my body and the most important thing to me is that I like them. I know it does put some people off, but thats their problem, not mine. If he won't let you get more, what else will he not 'LET' you do? It's your body, you should be able to do what you want with it and decorate it how you see fit. Go for it!