Dating thread 75

[DeliberatelyDreaming]

For everyone OLD or even RL dating. Tell us your stories, share your woe's and get and give support.

jesy, why don't you back off from him a bit? That's pretty much guaranteed to make him come running. I absolutely hate playing games like that, but they work!

I am going to I texted my idea but at end said I'll catch you later
I don't have anything to do tonight but I k ow he does lol

He so encouraging with me ect , even the other night he kept stroking my hair so I really don't want to mess up I like him
Had an ex before who basically did t give a crap but he seems different but I'm also aware age difference life style his sexy looks

How old are u jesy and how old is your bf?
If I was u I let him do some of the running
Hope u feel better

Jesy, I agree with the others, back off a bit and see what happens. Distract yourself with something else. I think you do need to give him the space to come to you.

Hi all, can I join in? I've lurked for ages and read all your stories, I love the way you all support each other, so some advice would be welcome.
Sorry in advance if I ramble,
So I split from my now XH over 3 years ago (he left for OW, still with her) I've 3 DC 2 at home, 1 grown up. Started OLD back end of last year had a few dates but no one special. Then I met the chap I'm still sort of seeing. Very slow to start the odd date / txt. Since Christmas it has become more of a regular thing. From the beginning he has said he doesn't want any big commitment. (he is going through a messy divorce at the moment and his life has been totally turned upside down). He is self employed and at the moment he is working 7 days per week and for 1/2 the week he works away from home. This is a temporary thing and he is doing it to help with legal fee's etc. We don't get much time to see each other because of this, usually once per week sometime evening or lunch time. One of his contracts was supposed to be ending soon and I thought we would maybe get the chance to see more of each other, Then it just came up in conversation that it has been extended for a few months. I was a bit hurt that he hadn't bothered to mention it to me and it just came up in the conversation when I asked something about it. He is lovely when we're together, so considerate we talk about our families although neither of us have met each others, we give each other advice and support so in that way we are like a couple. We do the gift thing at birthdays, valentines from holidays etc. I know he likes me and I think I'm falling for him but his commitment comment bothers me. Does he mean he wants casual, the way we are now forever ? Things have progressed since that conversation. I don't want him to move in etc. but I do want more than we have now. It would just be nice to have someone there to go for dinner etc with friends (I'm always the odd one without a partner) I just want us to be a couple but with our own space and lives but just more than this.
I know I need to have the conversation with him but I'm so scared to being rejected and to find out he doesn't have feelings for me and that i'm just his weekly shag. God we're not sprin chickens (55 & 50) Why do I feel so pathetic feeling like this at my age but I just don't want the "well it's been nice knowing you text"
Sorry I have rambled, xx

The thing is jesy, you need to back right off. I don't mean just once, I mean don't text him or contact him at all for a few days. He sounds like a bit of a player to me, tbh. Just because he's kind to you doesn't mean he's not.

Can you not look for someone else?

Fucking end of my tether with trying to date. Spent a week chatting to someone who lost interest as soon as we moved to whatsapp and wouldn't show him my tits. Totally sick of players.

I thought whatsapp was notorious for that kind of thing, Ursula ?

What would any of you recommend is the best site to use to avoid the weirdo's?
Are some sites better than others for different age groups?

steelchic I know how you feel, or at least I think I know how you feel not being a spring chicken myself. Reading through your post all I could see was FB, no relationship and while he has sex on tap why change it?

You, like me want more than just sex, we want the whole nine yards. I just don't see it with your guy, certainly not the way you have described it. Could you sit him down and talk to him, explain you know his divorce is painful but you have feelings too? If he won't chat, then you know where you stand and the decision then is yours. Good luck.

UrsulaBuffay I'm sure there are men out there who are genuine. The players seem to be in the majority sadly. Chin up love, we all know OLD is a numbers game and while it's no fun sometimes, like what you're going through now, I have to believe there are genuine men out there, I just have to keep looking. Block the ass hole from What's app.

neiljames77 From reading here and my own experience all age groups are the same. Some genuine people (we do hear success stories) but mainly players. It's all about sorting the wheat from the chaff I suppose.

Whatsapp is notorious but most people use it instead of texting these days and it's natural to progress from the dating site in some way. If it's a numbers game bloody hell, my numbers are sky high. Ugh I know there are genuine people out there I am just annoyed at the nobs who parade as genuine but aren't.

Thanks for your reply DeliberatelyDreaming. I know you're right I've just been kidding myself that things would move on and that I was not his FB because he has taken me to dinner cinema theatre etc. I do need to have that chat with him. As I say I don't want a relationship were we live in each others pockets but just a but more would be nice. I wasn't really physically attracted to him at first but I liked him as a person easy to talk to, interesting, funny but he has grown on me and I now do fancy him but I don't want to be a FB. Maybe I'm just clinging on hoping things would progress and he'd fall for me. I suppose if nothing elese he has helped me get over my ex (I took the split really bad I was heart broken). But now I feel i'm going to be hurt again, best get out now xx

Oh steelchic it sound like were in the same boat! Ive been seeing this guy since January, want it to be more than just FWB, but Im so nervous about having the conversation in case I get an answer I dont want to hear, hes coming over tomorrow night and its going to take all the will in the world not to get pissed and ask him what hes really thinking Im not going to bring it up this time but see if we can have a nice night then Ill play it a bit cooler than I have been and hope that it has the right effect. Im hoping he might start to chase me a bit more if Im not chasing him. God I hate playing games but I have been doing all the texting and initiating meeting so Im going to see what difference it makes if I leave it up to him Ive got that same feeling about needing to get out now before I get hurt, but its so hard!

oh bugger, forgot about the copy and paste bugs from word.....!

I Know ChickOnaMission I'm terrified of the rejection. I'm going away for a few days when I come back I'm going to play it cool and next time I see him I'm going to have to ask where he thinks we're going. But how do you start that without sounding all heavy and needy. Do you say its over if he just wants to keep things as they are. Do you accept things and go on having lovely times with a guy who is now a very good friend but know he's never going to take the next step. Why does it have to be sooo difficult !! One of my RL friends says as I play it quite cool maybe he feels the same about me but thinks I like it as is
Our contact is 50/50 he initiates meetings as well as me. He was on a holiday with some of his family a couple of months ago and I was surprised how many times he texted me and with all the wee gifts he brought me back from some of the places he visited (I was half thinking he wouldn't be in touch and after a couple of weeks away he'd forget about me) One off his work contracts was to finish and I thought right this will tell how he feels as he'd have weekends free, but now its extended for another few months. I cant wait that long to find out where I stand. How often do you see your guy ? We need to remind ourselves of oner of the thread rules "We're the prize" x

God I don't know whats wrong with me... maybe time of the month.. dam hormones ! I'm usually ok and we had a lovely evening yesterday. Lovely walk then dinner at his, I think i'm falling for him wanted to say the L word but resisted. We have this thing going on he thinks started of as a wee joke him saying I'm a bit like Bridget Jones always on dies weighing myself etc (he says I look similar too and i'm sweet like her... I wish ) so he calls me Ms Jones and I call him Darcy I got in the car and a song from the movie came on (out of reach) I just burst into tears listening to the words, and I start thinking is that a sign ... why am I thinking like a teenager when i'm a middle aged woman {sad}

steelchic God I could have written all of that about me! I feel exactly the same way, I want to bring it up and find out exactly what he's thinking, but like you, if he says "no sorry lets stay casual" then what? I am quite happy with what we're doing now.... We see each other every 2 weeks, sometimes once a week, I have 2 small kids and he stays when they're at their Dads, but my Ex is away for a month from next week so no Daddy nights, so no opportunity to see him. I'm 35, he's 28, he lives at home, and I know that he will never ever meet my kids. But I'm not looking for a full blown boyfriend out of it, I'm too soon separated from my ex and it would be terribly confusing for the kids, but I am falling for him and would be very happy to just have our weekly/fortnightly nights together with a few texts inbetween but I'd just like to know if he has feelings for me or not, but like you say, if I ask him and he says no, then I'd feel like I have to walk away, and I'm left with nothing!

steelchic pesky hormones! I know, I thought I'd left all the teenage angst behind me, I sit and listen to bloody sad songs and think about him, then catch myself and think come on 'Chick' pull yourself together woman!!

OMG we are so similar. He hasn't met my kids but always asks about them esp my wee boy as they share a love for footie, and his ex makes it difficult for him to see his son who is a similar age. I'd love them to meet but as you say best not to confuse kids. I need to know how he feels and I probably would continue seeing him even if it it is going to be just FWB but I don't think it would be the same, all our wee cute text messages Ms Jones and Darcy wouldn't be the same. But at least I'd know and I would probably go back on to Match and I wouldn't feel bad about doing it as it would be his choice, sometimes I think I put up with this situation as i'm lonely ok I've got a busy life with work kids etc, but its just nice to have that special someone. You are still young keep seeing him but try and get out there (not so easy when you're 50 oops just realised I'm 51 ) x

Yes I think I'd settle for the FWB thing if I got a negative response. I do really enjoy his company and I just haven't got the time for a proper boyfriend, 3 year old & 9 year old, I'm studying for a degree, and I work full time. I met him on POF and I found that whole experience fun at first but quickly got fed up with the weirdos. The Ms. Jones/Darcy thing sound lovely. Your fella sounds more romantic than mine, and the fact he's interested in your kids is great. That's the downside with the fact my fella is so young, we connected on facebook and next time I saw him he said " I knew you had kids and everything, but it was a bit weird actually seeing them" But I entered into this telling him that he'd never meet them. And I really don't want to introduce my kids to anyone for a very very long time, my 9 year old has been very sensitive about the split. I'd quite like a double life, I can be Mum to them, pursue my career, do my thing at school on the PFA but then have this fantastic 28 year old hot guy to come and visit me once a week and inbetween send me lovely text messages, that's the fantasy anyway, knowing me I'll drink too much wine tomorrow and be back on mumsnet on saturday morning confessing I told him I loved him in a drunken stupor and he ran away! Must be strong tomorrow!

The FWB does sound good in your situation, but feelings always get in the way and yeah there are a lot of weirdos out there so it is nice to meet someone normal. Stay strong tomorrow maybe you could just say "I really like your company and I have feelings for you BUT I want to keep things casual, is that ok with you" It might open the conversation up and your turning it around to make him think your not wanting to hurt him. Also he must like you, at his he will have opportunity to meet other girls without kids etc but he's choosing to spend time with you, there has to be feeling there x

It's funny, you just listen to the advice you want to hear on here! (well I do anyway!) When I read what you said about he must like you, I thought yeah, 'He Must!' I've posted about him before and other people said, mmm, if you started this as casual you've got to expect him to say 'no thanks' if you're changing the parameters... I'm going to bed tonight with the idea in my head that yes, he must like me! He's absolutely gorgeous, has an AMAZING body and could have any woman his own age he wants, but he's coming to see me! :-) Thanks for the positive vibes :-) I like the idea of turning it onto him, like "I'm all cool and casual are you ok with that".... thing is once I've got a bit of wine inside me the sensible side of me goes out the window, maybe I should slip him wine and I'll drink Ribena! ;-)

Ok - I need some advice! Got chatting to a guy on POF. It's been very light hearted, we discussed the fact we both found this meeting online thing a big weird and preferred to meet face to face etc. but not really an lot else.
He asked if I fancied going out tonight. I explained I couldn't as I had the kids with me. I suggested a coffee at the weekend - he can't as has his DS. So, we finally agreed to try and meet up tomorrow afternoon, but I have to find out if I can get out of work first so I suggested I would message him. He sent me his mobile and said I should text once I knew. I suddenly realised we hadn't actually exchanged names (I said it had been a light hearted conversation), so I told him mine and asked his. He replied "I'll tell you if you text me!"

Now, I know I'm just getting nervous - this is the first actual date I've had - but I feel really weird about going to meet someone who's name I don't even know! It's only going to be for an afternoon coffee, so it's not like I'm stuck on my own with him, but is it a bit weird???

BigBird Sounds a bit exciting to me!!

Besides, you will know his name. He's going to tell you it when you text him. It's a little game! It's quite good fun. It's something you'd never do... so do it.

I would...