Dating thread 75

[DeliberatelyDreaming]

For everyone OLD or even RL dating. Tell us your stories, share your woe's and get and give support.

Folk...I can't believe your mother said that. No one is the sort of girl someone settles for.

Can I also say I have dated traditional extremely handsome men and those who were not and fancied the less attractive ones just as much because physical attractiveness is not the only thing that makes someone appealing.

If his ex girlfriend was so perfect for him, he would still be with her!

neijames77 to update you on my dilemma...

I did end it with him, and explained why, and he logged into the account and showed me that not only had he not responded to the pages and pages of message he got...he didn't actually even open them. So he was actually innocent and while I apologised he's now pretty annoyed at me for a) accusing and b) snooping. Hope I can bring it round...grr!! Online dating creates these opportunities to completely screw up!

I do like a good dating thread!! Been loving some of the stories on here. I met my man on match.com after some hilariously bad dates, both online and 'organically' (set ups, random bar meets up etc). We are getting married and expecting a baby this year.

One thing I will say about dating, online or not, stick with it people! When the right one comes along, I promise, you know right away and there is no uncertainty or game playing.
I never would have met my man if not online, despite the fact we live in the same (small-ish) city.
By the way WISH, no harm in sending an email!! Men always write that they want younger women but that's because they're (cheeky generalisation) a bit more "aesthetically aware" (shallow) than women. But I'm sure you do keep yourself "in good nick" as you said, and this is why he has written a younger age specification. He just doesn't want to date someone who looks like his nan. Men haven't yet cottoned into the fact women nowadays still look amazing into their fifties, sixties and beyond, she stupid buggers. I'm sure he'll like your photo and that's (lets face it) the first hurdle.
Anyway, apologies for the essay, all I really meant to do was say hello to all daters and wish you all luck.
Just enjoy it all, even the crap dates, they'll give you something to laugh about with your mates for years to come.

Izzy Oh she also told me I was unloveable generally, which is where my deep seated 'knowledge' comes from in that respect. But I'm not sure that no one is the sort of girl someone settles for. Both of my LTR's had a 'one that got away'.

I've had counselling and I can tell I feel so much better than I did even 6 months ago, but there are some beliefs I just can't shift.

Well it would seem that being "really lovely" isn't really cutting it at the moment. I know what you're saying, I could say the same, but I'm not sure the same can be said of men.

I don't know. In terms of how I see myself, I'm back where I was 6 months ago. I just don't feel quite so floored by it anymore.

But I'm not sure it would matter how compatible I was with someone personality/values/aspiration wise if they had an ex who was thinner and prettier than me. I would always feel like the consolation prize. How fucking shallow is that

Oh and my 'boyfriend' had a one that got away - beautiful, blonde, tanned, slim, sexy... She was the one who hurt him 20 years ago.

I'm the slightly overweight, pale, ordinary, 'lovely' woman he didn't think would have the opportunity to hurt him. But I think that all that he has really realised is that I'm just not really much of a catch after all.

I think that's it.

I think what men find attractive about me is my lack of attractiveness. I think they feel fairly confident that I'm not going to cheat on them because I wouldn't have the opportunity to do so.

See, I don't think I am unattractive. But I'm also acutely aware that the only people who tell me I'm attractive are other women. So perhaps I have a look that other women appreciate, but that isn't attractive to men.

And furthermore...

Perhaps other women only feel comfortable telling me I'm attractive because I'm not.

They've got no reason to feel threatened by me because I'm not attractive so they're not in any 'competition' with me. So it's easy for them to say it.

Sadly, I think that whilst that little ray of hope is still lying at the bottom of Pandora's box, I'm going to continue to feel this way. I just need to squash that little bit of hope and just accept it isn't going to happen.

But it's hard because I am, essentially, a very positive person and I have a pretty much 'can do' attitude to most things. I've done and achieved so much since my exH and seperated. In some respects my confidence is higher than it's ever been and I feel happier than I have done in a very long time. It's just this one thing.

I've likened it to the lottery before and that's how it feels. Like believing that one day I will love and be loved is like believing that one day I'll win the lottery. When I'd probably be much happier in that respect, if I just accepted my lot and realised it ain't ever gonna happen!

Folk from a mans perspective you seem too have an engaging caring personality.
Looks are not everything some men are attracted to a person personality I know I am. I like all types slim not so slim women etc
The worst thing you can do is settle for someone because you cannot get anything else. I would rather stay single than just settling for somebody
Hope you feel better soonx

Folk so sorry that you think like that. I'm actually a little shocked that someone can so rationally argue why they a 'not worthy' of love when they so blatantly are!

I'm feeling completely disillusioned by the whole thing today as well. I guess I put all my eggs in one basket too soon - from the moment I started to chat to Beardy he just seemed different. I stopped chatting to the other guys I had been talking to and now I feel like I've been dumped, which is a pretty stupid and over the top reaction when I hadn't even met the guy!
Don't think I am thick skinned enough to cope with dating. Maybe it is too soon, but I hate feeling this lonely

Oh folk I am sorry you are feeling so down. You sound like such a lovely lovely person x

bigbird me too today. Over between sporty and I and it came out of nowhere after 2 months. Oh well going to brush myself off and get back out there. Just feeling very low had a tough week then this and dcs at their dads so I'm all alone til work tomorrow

It is hard when all off a sudden they are gone.
I made a huge mistake yesterday and so ashamed of myself .
Went on pof started to chat to some one but it is for company not after anything
I really did like the guy I'd been seeing more than it was wise to.
A day on my own to but nothing new there
Did get up n make a Banoffi pie lol trouble no one to share it with

Folk, parents can be cruel in the things they say to their children. It doesn't make it true. I had the same message, unloveable and not worth it. It's gots nothing to do with levels of perceived attractiveness and everything to do with how you/we feel about ourselves. We must learn to like/ love ourselves. This is hard given the message received but I hope it can be done.

Thanks Folk and Always - the guy I messaged viewed my profile a few hours ago but hasn't responded to my message - does that mean he's not interested or can it sometimes take a while?

Hello all - newbie to the dating thread.

My back story, divorced from exh for 7 years, dated casually during this time. I didn't want anything full on due to my DC's but they are all grown up so I am ready for something more meaningful. I thought I had got this with my last BF who quite frankly broke my heart. It shocked me to the core just how much I loved and missed him After declaring his feelings for me, which he wasn't prone to gushing declarations of love, he ran scared leaving me lost and bewildered. That was 2 months ago now and I finally had a light bulb moment thanks to my family and friends and got online yesterday.

What an ego boost that was. I didn't waste any time either with messaging etc I got in there and have some dates arranged, the first one being later and more next week.

I plan to go and enjoy the company of an attractive man with no expectations other than a lovely night out.

Izzy821 - I should put a disclaimer before any suggestion I make.
"Warning, following Neil's advice may result in dropping one's self in the shit and making things much worse"

Hmm has anyone else got a greggs advert whilst on mumsnet?

Izzy, regardless, he shouldn't have been on anyway. Is he a child showing off how many messages he'd had? (Hungover cross, less patience)

Yes Rummikub is right...he should not have been on there regardless and he did admit that neiljames77 and that he would have been very pissed off if he'd thought I was still on there so your advice was probably sound. Still...he isn't even opening the messages so I guess he's not guilty of shopping around. I was perturbed a bit because he had literally got 60 new messages in a week :( Way more than I got on there!!!! That said, he is very photogenic and took time making a good / funny profile. I liked it so much I contacted him which I rarely do. I'll delete the account with him next time he's here. Right now I don't feel in any position to be making demands but I am sure he's not (currently) interested in anyone.

Folkgirl, I think your view of yourself is quite far off base here. The magazine version of beauty isn't realistic. When I was in my twenties I have a "perfect" figure, no wrinkles, no stretch marks, no random hairs popping up in odd places and no grey hairs. Now at 37 I have all those things and I have never felt more attractive because I started to be comfortable in my own skin and to see that a lot of "beauty" comes from how you make people feel. If you are a positive person and a nice person who is not arrogant then I am not surprised people are attracted to you - I would be! One of the things people say attracts them most is a "lovely smile" so put one on and stop letting the absolute bull shit your mother gave you run your life! You're no man's consolation prize!

Hear hear Izzy - well said!

Folk I hope you can let some of this advice override the crap you've been told in the past.

Well done izzy totally agree with everything you said

At his ridiculous. I don't have a picture up, only filled in 20% of my profile. Not written a word and yet apparently my profile is proofing popular! Bullshitting bastards.

Match.com is ridiculous. The above was meant to start.

I hate auto correct. Proving popular.
Hmm I might be a bit grumpy.

I know what you mean Rum, when my paid subscription ended and my profile was still active i seemed to be Much more popular all of a sudden had loads of men looking at my profile and loads of Winks, funny That when you cant actualy see who has looked unless you paid up again . Hmmm.
Goodguy to answer your question, yeah we met on Match. Have you thought anymore About walking club