Dating thread 75

[DeliberatelyDreaming]

For everyone OLD or even RL dating. Tell us your stories, share your woe's and get and give support.

So what do yo think of my situation Neil ( From a guys perspective) . Started seeing him in October had a few dates spread out. Since around Christmas we got a bit more serious. Only see each other once maybe twice per week , due to his work, he has apologised for this and has asked me to keep things going as it is a temporary situation. When we see each other we get on great, talk about all sorts and he is very loving and attentive. He is going through a horrible divorce and his life seems to be in limbo, he will have to move house and it will be the end of the year before things are finalised with his ex. I know how he feels I was in the same situation last year. He said at the beginning he didn't want a big commitment, when we see each other it's not just about sex, we do go out dinner, cinema theatre etc. am I kidding myself that we are more than FB's :-(

I only joined for a month too to see what it was like. If u go via top cash back website some deals on membership :)

steelchic - He's bound to say no to heavy commitment at the start because of what's happened. It's good that he's reassuring you that his situation will improve over time. He must want you to be patient and stick with him. Everything seems good from what you've said.

I hope you're right Neil, I don't want the full big joined at the hip thing. His work situation is unavoidable at the moment. He just doesn't give anything away about how he feels although I know he really likes me. All my past relationships ( not that there's been many) have moved really fast. I usually wear my heart on my sleeve but I'm more guarded this time as I don't want to get hurt I'm older and I hope wiser now

I'm just older.

Ok so, I've joined match ... dear oh dear.

It's too soon, I know, as I'm just out of a relationship of about 11 months (10 weeks out) and I thought I'd marry him. He had one of those on/off exes (of 7 years' standing) that I'd call a fuck buddy rather than a partner but he's already back with her... she's just his comfort woman but I think she's deluded enough/insecure enough to think they're 'meant to be'. Anyway, to distract myself I wasted money signed up when I found out he was seeing his comfort woman again.

It's crap. The men that have contacted me are dross and I feel kind of insulted that they think I'd be interested - is that really bad? I have one photo - I 'm sitting on a rock in an idyllic countryside location with no make up on but looking very friendly, smiley and you can see that I'm in good shape. I'm pretty certain that if I used a super glam photo that I'd get more appealing hits (not that I'm in fancy mode really) but I'm being honest - most of the time I look like the natural photo. I don't want an ONS (not like me...), I don't want a fling, I just want to meet a nice bloke who doesn't want to raid my knickers the minute I say hi. Is that so unreasonable?????

"I feel kind of insulted that they think I'd be interested - is that really bad?
No it isn't BeforeAndAfter, that's the reason I lost interest in it. I was going to email them and tell them, "how dare you think that these are potential matches" Tight curly perms, loads of blue eye shadow and a threatening look on their face.

I've joined match but not paid. The men don't look that different to pof! I don't get the whole wink thing, how do you message each other? Looks hard! Maybe that's a filtering system in its own right!

I think the idea/con is that you wink at someone you like, they send you a message, then the dating site says you have to pay them to read it, then after you've paid them you open your messages really really excitedly and it says, "Janey1972 says fuck off"

Lol. That sounds about right.... sigh. Sometimes I find od sucks.

Bigbird01 - It isn't being pushy at all. In fact, if I told a woman I wanted to meet up with her on Friday but she didn't text back to ask where and what time, I'd assume she wasn't bothered. Forget all these rules and just ask. Everyone seems to be walking on eggshells but it'd be worse in the long run if things went unsaid for months, only for you to get the answers you didn't want to hear.......eventually.

Maisie0 - People used to shy away from od because it had a reputation of being full of weirdos. To a certain extent it was. It's improved a lot now because more and more 'regular' people are using it. Doesn't mean the weirdos have gone away though. Pity there isn't a weirdo filter. Then again, if there was and I used it, I'd be afraid of it saying, "Neil, you have no matches".

at Janey says fuck off!

Hmm I'm not liking the matches they're giving me, I certainly don't want to pay to see messages. The wink has to happen first? Before any messaging? Or can you message first if you've paid? All sounds needlessly complicated to me!

Ok, if your a woman, how young is too young? I'm feeling a bit suspicious of the 2 33 yr olds. They seem pleasant enough and I said I was only chatting not meeting as they're too young. (Not together clearly!) I'm mid 40s.

I find OD to be a bit of a risk to be honest. It probably changes a normal person to a psycho or something. I still cannot believe the people who post pervy naked pics of themselves online. It is scary cos I cannot predict these people. I am weary that I also normalise this in some ways. I sense some anxiousness in myself when I use OD to be honest.

I got two more messages just this week. Both of them in their mid-20s. One wouldn't let go. (And then he told me the line of "but love transcends age line" But really, I wanted to say "I want to find someone to make babies with and settle down." ) The other one was respectful and said thanks. I probably need to change my profile. Maybe I appear quite childish there. I get the really older ones, and then there are the younger ones. I do not get the normal my age group kind of people. What is wrong ? Sometimes I do not get this. I do feel very evil when I turn down those kind of guys. I'm not sure if OD is doing me any good if I continue at this rate. It just becomes a habit for me then.

Just checking in all, well after yet another failed relationship (3 months) I've decided to learn to love myself before I put my profile back on pof. My ex is already back on it.

I really liked him though

I'm sure that quite a lot of the online dating profiles are non paying fakes, or profiles just set up by curious people to have a browse through with no intention of going anywhere with it. Thanks to Facebook and similar websites there are now tons and tons of non professional photos and information of people freely available on the internet that people can use to pretend to be someone else for giggles.

Obviously there are real profiles, but it's easy to be an anonymous weirdo that appears genuine on the internet these days.

Lol ok much for avoidance
At the same charity thing well I'm not going home lol
No idea he was coming to this I've walked 2 mile into town no chance I'm giving this night a miss

Are you sure it's a good idea going to it Jesy?
Firstly, it's going to hurt you seeing him and secondly, he might think you're being obsessive and following him.

Everyone seems to be walking on eggshells but it'd be worse in the long run if things went unsaid for months, only for you to get the answers you didn't want to hear.......eventually

Do u know what Neil u are so bloody right. Going to work on remembering that and act on it right now

No my charity fuck him I'd booked my place months ago
It for akid I cared for him I belong here
I'm stronger than that lol

I've not been logging in much recently so only just found the "new" thread.

Things are going well with the punk, I hadn't planned on getting into anything with anyone but he's so lovely! I've stopped using websites and Tinder in the last month, he jokes about how many women he has on the go but I think it's just joking because if I push it he does say no. He's so sweet, I asked for a hug the other day just after we met up and he got on my lap (he's smaller than me!) knees either side like a child does, head buried in my neck and held me tight. I asked him if I'd get a kiss and he shook his head and said "no, I'm having a hug". He's having problems with his ex and their child so I have days where he won't talk at all which stresses me out wouldn't be so bad if I knew that he was having a bad day. My work has led me to just getting a deal with a hotel chain to do a review for them at any hotel so we're going to be making the most of that

Had a lovely week last week (sarcasm) I went to a group meet with my friend through a website that does activities. Met a guy there who I got on with, hadn't thought it would be anything, he added me on Facebook (the website logs in using Facebook) and two days later I was out at work and had 10 messages from him that I missed, very stalkery! He got upset with me because my relationship status is "complicated" with my ex, mostly because we don't want everyone to know we split up and didn't want to draw attention to it. He refused to accept that and said we must be FWB. Anyway, long story short I'm attention seeking (for not wanting to draw attention to my separation) ASD (which is not an insult BTW and Aspergers is not the same as autistm) a liar and a cheat, but when am I free for a date? Oh and he wanted me, whilst I was out with a babysitter at home to stay out later than planned, he said if he always considered his carers (he's in a wheelchair) then he'd never get out, he couldn't see the difference and my friend is refusing to allow me to babysit any more(???) Glad things are going well with Punk or I'd be upset lol

I'd suggest you act surprised when you see him then Jesy.

What happened jesy?

Hi guys and girls how's everybody doing?

Well I got a reply first thing this morning saying 'yeah definitely' with a smiley face. I sent a smiley face back and haven't heard from him since.

I kind of want him to take some initiative and ask about when I'm I'm free etc. Maybe I'm just being really stubborn, but I've been a single parent for 9 and half years (daughter 10 and a half), I do all of the organising all of the time in my day to day life, if I'm going to have a relationship I think I would like the other person to take control now and then. Maybe I'm completely over-thinking but I can't help feeling if he can't even ask me out that's probably not the best start!