Dating thread 75

[DeliberatelyDreaming]

For everyone OLD or even RL dating. Tell us your stories, share your woe's and get and give support.

Jesy
I'm sure you look fine. We notice our faults where others don't and remember no one is perfect in fact what is perfection? Everyone has different ideas of what is attractive.
I lost a lot of my confidence when my XH left me for someone 10 years younger than me, i felt I must have been so unattractive and old and spent a year hardly going out and my body language was all wrong. Walking with my head down, not making eye contact etc. when I saw his GF I was so shocked she is very ordinary looking, looks older than me and tbh not as attractive, so I reckon he must have left me cos I'm a horrible person LOL. I started to get my confidence back by listening to my friends. I am attractive, I do look younger and I am a nice and good person. And I got compliments on my appearance and personality when I started dating again, so I realised I'm not an old bag, my body language has changed, I walk with my head held high. Confidence is very attractive ( ok I still have days when I look in the mirror and say yuk, and want to hide under the duvet ) but then I say get that lippy on Steel and smile.
What I'm getting at is we don't see what others see in us, x

True, Goodguy wise words

Goodguy Maybe we are being absolutely honest here, but is that a bad thing ? I would not use the word "insecurity" than "vulnerability". Maybe the women that you meet do not show this aspect of themselves directly towards you, but I assure you that it is an intrinsic part of a woman, and why should she not be so ?

I will admit though, even as a woman, sometimes reading this section can also get to me a little bit too much too. I have to go back into my RL and do various other things to ground myself again. It can be emotionally intense here. But, where there are joys, there are woes too.

No I much prefer people who are honest about things and hence I learn about different scenarios you never stop learning about people and their behaviour
The women I meet in Rl seem very confident and don't often show their vulnerabilities so while they maybe insecure they hide it well
Yes it is quite intense in here but interesting because it gives me an opposing view and look at a particular situation from a female perspective
I don't like to have a close mind on issues but like to have a rounded viewx

Maisie's when you said that vunerability intrinsicly exists in every women in what sense did u mean it?

Steel - absolutely agree! Confidence is a huge thing. Jesy try and believe that you are beautiful and others will see your beauty.

I think this is why I struggle with online stuff. I love sitting in a room with someone and feel quite comfortable chatting to men (I do still get the insecurities - I just have learnt how not to let these show). But online isn't about your personality - it's about how someone else interprets the words you write. Hence why I haven't yet had that first date, I guess... (Beardy still a reasonable possibility for the weekend though)

Jesy You sound like me way back. I would have a lot of "male platonic friends", and in a way this actually defeats the point as well, because it means that my emotions are spread across quite a lot of people too. I had to curb back a lot there, and just spend more time with female friends, but focus on one guy. That was how I kind of took control of my personal and emotional side again.

The dating thing has derailed me a little bit, which I admit. I think the OD medium is making me "think" rather than to go with my heart.

I found this series from this lady, and it has made a lot of sense to myself. It grounded me again. I followed my intuition today and did everything that "felt right", than a "I need to do this". I felt so wonderful.

These really triggered my internal instincts again. I really felt each decision today, and was happy for once.

• What would someone who love themselves do ?
• If there is a lot of confusion, a decision that makes you feel relieved if the right one.
• The "rightness" feeling means that is the right decision.
• The intuition comes as a form of correctness, an affirmation, or a feeling, or a body sensation. (I can vouch for this for some of my ex. I ache for them.)
• Love and freedom. Without fear.
• If you are dealing with fear, and an intuition, then be cautious.

I have read what you wrote before, and if the guys are giving you a lot of confusion, then step back. Or to turn them down. We shouldn't need to overthink when we want to be with somebody. It is too much hard work. If it feels right, then it feels right with that person. Like in that birthday thing, you expressed your feelings for the guy, but it is down to the guy to accept it or not. He should appreciation, but the fact that he didn't, isn't a wrongful decision on your part especially if you felt it truly in your heart that you are doing the right thing. His reaction speaks volume of where he is as a person. I hope that you will be able to find someone who is more emotionally available for you. You shouldn't always be their healer in their lives, but they should take control of that aspect of their own lives too.

goodguy xpost - yes we do try and hide our vulnerabilities in RL - I think a lot of men do too...

Goodguy To be honest. I found your comment offensive to me. What I personally see here on MN is that, a lot of ladies have created a personal openness. I dare say that a lot of the ladies here have put themselves on the line here. As female camaraderie goes, it is useful and helpful, cos we try to be supportive of one another and "heal". I see some of the comments here similar to what goes on between very close friends. So for you to say that comment is quite to be honest, hurtful. To me, I see it as antagonistic.

In real life, people put on masks, and who actually talk about their personal lives in this kind of level and context with you ? Maybe you should see this as an opportunity to learn about women instead. You may use the term "insecure", but in reality, if we do not have feelings, then we are just robots and stoic people. I for one, would not like to be pigeon-holed that way at all.

Bigbird once I have got to know a woman I am open and honest and tend to show the real me
I find seeing somebody vulnerabilities endearing because she is showing me the real person behind te mask

Goodguy By the way, in RL, you will be lucky if a woman opens her heart this way as we ladies have here. So you should appreciate the fact that we have. I dare say that, with you exposing yourself to this side and seeing it as a negative thing. I am not so sure if this is doing you any good too. Cos maybe it may change your perspective of women in general. The whole point is to have one single person whom you can be vulnerable and open with, and not with many people. My ex was similar. He wouldn't have gazillion female friends. Just one close female (gf) is enough. Then he has his family, and siblings.

I felt the same Maisie

I don't often post but have read this thread from waaay back, and to me, it's a thread of open, raw feelings.

It's not necessarily a case of insecurities, or vulnerability, but more that people can be open here whereas not in real life. Posters here probably aren't a bumbling mess of insecurity in real life, you would probably never know. That's precisely what this place is for.

I'm new to this thread and new to dating really. I've been happily single for quite a few years but decided to join an online dating site a few months ago. I'm maybe excessively fussy but I've got as far as a conversation with a couple of guys and no further.

Anyway I've just suggested meeting up with someone who I've been messaging with for a couple of weeks, he's seemed interested, initiates conversations and replies when I do. I think I like him but its so difficult to tell online. So I've bit the bullet eeek! Hopefully he'll he reply soon. Even if he says no then at least I won't waste anymore time with messages if there's no chance of it going anywhere.

Just needed to tell someone!

Sometimes I don't feel confident, we all have our bad days but I feel if you make an effort to act confidently you feel so much better, people react to you more positively. Also I feel if you think positive thoughts good things happen ( or maybe we just see them more) feel down and negative you only see the down side to things. I never show any insecurities to the guy I'm seeing, tbh he is a positive person ...well he acts positive anyway. I'm sure if we get more serious we will let our insecurities show but hopefully if we get serious they will no longer be there x

Maiseie I'm not on here to antagonise anyone Im sorry if you think I am
I find it refreshing that people on here give each other support and comfort during trouble times
I enjoy chatting to women like yourself because it make me look at tissues from a different perspective
My mind is not closed and I do like to be educated
Like every men or women I do have shortcomings

Masquerade
Good luck, I hope it ends up in a fab date for you. If not well onwards and upwards, there will be someone else.
Maisie
I don't think Goodguy meant to offend anyone, I think he was talking out of concern.

Thanks steel you got it right
I am not on here to offend anyone just want to understand issues from a female perspective and maybe see where I am going wrong!
I think it is nice that we can discuss and be honest with each other about life highs and lows

Good luck Masqueradehow your date goes well

masquerade Hey... something to smile about.

steelchic I do like MN. It's like the biggest girly chat place I have ever come across. It feels nice to be honest. Ok, I will put down my bun. (I learnt that term here, "bunfight". )

So how do u ladies like a confident guy ?

Throw away the rulebook Goodguy. Really.
I work in IT. I used to have a lot of male friends, but you know what, it brainwashed me way to much. As some of the ladies here said, which is also similar to what some of my female friends in real life mentioned too. If it feels right, then it is right.

I do not look for a "confident guy". I look for someone who knows what they are about. Bravado doesn't do it for me any more. Yes, I have met a lot of guys who were the kind that says "this is my credentials". "I want to be the next PM", kind of person, but as I get older, this is not what I truly want in a partner. It took a while for me to come to my senses. I want someone who I can co-exist and be with for the rest of my life. So yes, I guess I am super picky more now these days.

There nothing wrong with being picky Maisie I am too
I am quite a shy person sometimes but I am comfortable with what and how I am and ultimately know I'm a good person and would mike the right woman very happy

So, going back to the rules of this thread. What have you done recently with regards to dating and finding that dream girl ? Let's get back on topic I suppose.

Tried online dating recently but was not getting anywhere found it quite depressing really gonna try another tact

Go masquerade hope he replies soon. :)