Dating thread 75

[DeliberatelyDreaming]

For everyone OLD or even RL dating. Tell us your stories, share your woe's and get and give support.

That's a bit crap, Bigbird

I did have one man who went cold after seeing a photo of my children and reality hit. If that does happen with Beardy, you just need to tell yourself that he wasn't the right man for you, or your family.

It doesn't really help, but it is true.

It might be that he just needs a bit of time to process it.

Oh and sorry to hear about your step mum too. Hope she recovers soon.

I really do hope it is just processing time, folk, he seemed really different.

Odds aren't with my step-mum unfortunately, she had a brain aneurysm, but thank you

Well, I hope he is processing. But I noticed a change in the man I was seeing. I knew. I thought it was fair enough - I liked him, I quite fancied him, we had a lot in common, but I wasn't over invested in him emotionally (fortunately!). And the bottom line is, my children are, and always will be, my priority. And I would rather have known early on, than have him spend months pretending he was fine with it when he wasn't.

If I'd been really keen though, I think I would have been gutted.

How long have you been seeing/in contact with Beardy? Sorry, I can't remember

Oh, no, so sorry to hear about your step mum. That's awful. Have you had the opportunity to see her?

It's not been that long really - only about 10 days. I agree though - I'd rather know now (no matter how much it hurts) than it eat away at any relationship we might have. I think I just got excited that someone I really felt a connection to actually seemed interested. And the kids are more important than any 'maybe' relationship...

My family live about 3 hours away so can't visit easily. Also, no one has been able to get hold of my dad all day. He sent me a text at tea time saying she made it through surgery, but turned his phone off again straight away.

Sorry to hear of your bad news big bird hope u your situation improves

So sorry to hear what you're going through. I hope your step mum is ok, I suppose no news is good news. Hopefully your guy is just processing things but if not it's best finding out now. Too many people get into relationships when their partner isn't 100% happy about the other having young kids thinking it will work out. There are plenty guys out there that are fine with it. X

Oh bigbird I am really sorry. That's a whole lot of stuff going on there

God, my emotions are doing loops tonight. Been sitting sobbing to myself for most the evening and suddenly in the last 10 minutes...

Beardy has been in touch - all normal - just had a busy day..

And, much more importantly, dad rang and my step-mum appears to be defying all prognosis! She has woken up and been complaining of being bored ...

Can hardly breath now - feel so relieved!!!

Oh Bigbird!

That's such good news!!!

x

Oh bigbird that's brilliant on both counts, especially about your step mum. I am glad :)

Hope this gets easier.
Cried myself to sleep and woke up thinking about him.I know he wasn't go I g to last didn't stop me falling for him.

jesy I might be talking bollocks. It is early, after all, but I think you're going to have to turn off your emotions to an extent. I know it's easier said than done, but it's not going to do you any good at all to 'indulge' the way you feel.

The next time you feel yourself crying yourself to sleep; don't. Don't let yourself. Talk to yourself. Get up and do something. Put a film on. Stop thinking about him.

I know it sounds easy, but this is something that lasted a few weeks, not a 10+ year relationship. It's not the end of the world.

I hope I don't sound harsh. This isn't meant to be a 'criticism' of you, but a way of you feeling less shit and bad about yourself.

You've mentioned weight and things a few times. I'm told that men don't worry about it as much as we think they do, but if it makes you feel unattractive, then take a bit of time out of dating and do some exercise. Or start some new hobbies. Read a new book. Start an evening class. Not to meet a man, but to really discover who you are. Reinvent yourself!

I know I keep saying about the listing the positives about you, but it can really help. Then you'll begin to see yourself as a more rounded person and not just as someone who keeps being let down by men.

Not only that, but if you start to realise your true worth, you'll also begin to make more reliable man choices.

Not harsh at all.
Not sure do with out u guys , he never going to want me back and we agreed to be mates I'd rather be mates than nothing I'd rather make a friend than anything
He a serial dater he always said that .
Cunningly I got asked out this am by some one I chatted to for a year.
Doubt I'll go it was only dog walking thing x got a go another day of being attacked by a three year old x

Jesy If I were you, I'd honestly stay away from men for a while.

I've not been out with many men - was with my husband for 13 years, single for a year or so before that, in a 3 yr relationship before that. And since, well I've met up with a few men doing OD and dated a couple for a few weeks before meeting my boyfriend. (Oh and bizarrely getting asked out over the weekend!!)

At the very beginning, when someone shows an interest, I believe that they are attracted, but as soon as I start dating them, I begin to doubt myself and feel less attractive... Then when we become 'boyfriend and girlfriend', well that may as well be the death knell for me. I morph overnight into a huge, ugly blob who disgusts them (and myself) and then they are only waiting for the opportunity to cheat on me... Typing this, I realise that I feel less attractive and secure in myself in a relationship that I do when single. In fact, I think that the more they claim to like me, the less I believe them; the greater the commitment they make to me, the more I doubt them. I seem to equate relationships with a lack of respect/love!

You must be attractive, because you seem to have men asking you out all the time! I didn't even realise this man at the weekend was flirting with me, I'm so unused to it, although I did realise he was being 'affectionate/flirty' - so it's not that it happens all the time and I just can't see it. I can't remember the last time I was asked out - it was even me who instigated the relationship between my husband and me! I don't really count OD in that because it's kind of what you're there for! But in the real world men just don't look at me and find me attractive. And they certainly don't ask me out!

I get the impression at the moment that your lovelife is like a game of pinball in which you ricochet from one man/relationship to the next. I might be completely wrong, so sorry if that's the case! And it seems to be more about whether he likes you than whether you like him. (That's just my impression, not saying it's the case).

Enjoy your day with the 3 year old. At least you can hand them back, eh?

Being on this thread for I while it has shocked my how insecure some of your ladies are maybe you should get so some counselling
Sorry if I sound harsh but some of you have got a lot to offer a potential partner but you can't see it

Goodguy11 - I think insecurity is understandable. If someone (man or woman) invests their time and emotions in someone and it doesn't work out for whatever reason, it can be draining and confidence can take a bit of a knock.
Unfortunately, some blokes,( I think), have their default settings firmly fixed at "knobhead mode" and it doesn't matter how much a woman has to offer or how nice she is, he'll behave the same regardless.
The only answer is to use it as a learning curve rather than trying to apportion blame to yourself for someone else's shitty behaviour.

And how about you Goodguy? Are you dating?

I see your point neil I'm not blaming anybody I think all these ladies have a lot to offer and are hard on themselves but you got to move on with your life if you have had bad experiences

No Talisa I'm not currently dating anybody just seeing what's out there

I do think it's very easy to say that goodguy from a bystanders perspective

But when you've just been crapped on from a great height it does make you feel pretty insecure, and it's easy from an outside perspective to just say 'oh, I know what'll fix you, go get some counselling' but that's why this forum is so great, when you feel like shit and you've got kids/work/all the other stuff to deal with and you can't just get professional proper counselling immediately there's someone to talk to.

venting on here makes ME feel much better :-) And I've had some good advice that's made me consider my next move.

folk and steel you were absolutely right, my gut reaction yesterday was to text and say wtf! I thought we had plans?!, but I waited and played it a bit cool and said oh poor you, no problem if we don't meet and he replied instantly and backtracked a bit and said actually I think I probably have got time... He never normally replies instantly, so I think he justis really busy and I was overreacting a bit!

I really don't like that version of me when I get too worked up over silly texts! Thanks for the calming influence

jesy I've been reading your posts for a few days, You've had some great advice on here and especially what Folk said about having a bit of a break, I recognise myself a bit in a really awful messy break up I had a long time ago, it dragged on for SO much long than it should because I couldn't just break all contact, but once I did it made a HUGE difference. You will be fine, and you have to remember that if he treats you so badly he doesn't deserve you. And YOU deserve someone Much Much better than him.

Fair point chick its not easy I guess
Sorry to hear you had a bad time of it
Yes there a lot of good advice on here
Hope things work out for you

Long time lurker and nc-er.
Been dating a man from okc since Jan and it seemed to be going really well.Were due to meet this weekend . he rang me just now to say there's no long term future as he wants to travel and I find it difficult to arrange dates due to childcare ,so have to be organised and plan ahead. He has lots of money - works offshore and has his young dc at planned times but is very free in between.
I have 5 dc. Youngest 3. middle dd ASD.eldest dd 18 and doing well as a singer,just been signed to a publisher. I work ft in mh.Life is full on.
I really liked him. We have had lovely times.We had plans for summer.
I guess it was good that he let me know. he also said not enough spark for him to work at it for long term.

I've worked hard at recovering from DV relationships with ext and exp - youngest dd father has never met her.I'm 46 next week.

I feel like I am always going to be "too much" for anyone to get involved with.
I think i did everything right this time ,it was a lovely ,positive experience. But I wasn't ready for it to end. I did get the vibes the last two weeks,but tried to keep it in balance and be positive. He was the first man I dtd with since conceiving dd. I am really upset. We hadn't ever discussed feelings or a future,but I guess it was the time to do that,or split. And thats what he decided.

I feel old and sad. I can't face the thought of dating again. I think I am unrealistic even to try ,given that I cannot offer a lot of my time to myself.

That's the thing he didn't treat me bad apart from dumping me.
Treated me so well affection caring