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Original poster

Dating thread 75

999 replies

DeliberatelyDreaming · 15/05/2014 13:54

For everyone OLD or even RL dating. Tell us your stories, share your woe's and get and give support.

OP posts:
Rummikub · 26/05/2014 23:31

Had a date, not my type. Lovely guy, insisted on paying, good eye contact, easy going. We talked about everything. But no.

jesy · 27/05/2014 04:24

I miss him this time last week I was cuddled up with him now I feel alone

FolkGirl · 27/05/2014 04:32

Hi jesy are you still there?

Do you want some company?

Mini Give him a bit longer, there might be a reasonable explanantion... Flowers

FolkGirl · 27/05/2014 04:41

I'm having a rather sad early hours myself.

In the past couple of weeks, my boyfriend and I have both made reasonable and positive changes to our lives (I started a new full time job, when I was previously working part time, and he has moved house to a much nicer area. For each of us, our quality of life will be improved).

Last night, something happened that made me realise that, whilst these changes are good for both of us individually, the combination of the two might mean become a dealbreaker for us.

Also, due to diary commitments on both our parts, that have unfortunately coincided, we will be unable to see each other again until July anyway.

I can see this meaning that we will break up, not because either of us has done anything, or changed our minds about the other, but because our lives might have just become incompatible. Sad

FolkGirl · 27/05/2014 04:45

Sorry, should clarify, the much nicer area is an extra 15 miles away which will take my journey to him to about 1 hr and 20-30 mins.

FolkGirl · 27/05/2014 04:49

Rummi That's a shame. Sounds like you had a nice time anyway, though.

Onwards and upwards, eh?

Rummikub · 27/05/2014 05:39

Thanks folk I'm not stressed about any of it at the moment. I'm viewing it as meeting some nice people. I'm using this tine to decide what I want.

That's such a shame folk. Have you discussed it all yet?
jesy try pushing him out of your head when you start to dwell.

jesy · 27/05/2014 06:44

I wish icud I'm gutted I knew it had happen but this has really hurt
Wish cud stay in bed all day
It was so hard not to send a morning text today

Minime85 · 27/05/2014 10:44

Oh folk I am sorry. It doesn't mean its impossible. It does sound tricky though. Try and stay positive Cake

Minime85 · 27/05/2014 10:46

But folk it is so good that you see the positives for you both and that you accept that too is positive self awareness. I'm trying to think as positively as you do :)

somedayillbesaturdaynite · 27/05/2014 11:14

Oh Folk, try not to worry, easier said than done I know. Hopefully you will be so occupied with the new job (congrats btw) that the time will fly by and this break in seeing each other is a rare occurrence x

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 27/05/2014 13:17

Hi folk
It doesn't have to be a deal breaker. I once had a long distance relationship... Four hour drive away, and we still made it work...in fact I ended up marrying him! Yes, it does need a discussion soon though...even if it's just to set your mind at rest.

SuperFlyHigh · 27/05/2014 13:21

I'm back with an update. My last contact with MBB (Mexican Boxing Banker!) was he wasn't sure if he was over his ex. anyway I decided to text him and say did he want to stay in touch. He did. we left it about 2 weeks and then met up on Saturday night - this was the first proper date after 2 rushed lunch dates.

well it went very well. we kissed, danced and then I saw him for lunch/drinks yesterday afternoon. we also talked. he IS over the ex but was feeling insecure as he didn't have a new job (started one a week ago)and he now feels on more of an even keel.

Rummikub · 27/05/2014 13:25

Long distance can work. I've known it too. It takes compromise and keeping that connection while your apart, as well as organisation.

jesy you can push him out. If he pops into your head, get a cushion and throw it. Imagining its him. Do it every time. This is important. I promise it will get better, but you have to help yourself.

I am relieved nice man from date not been in touch today!

FolkGirl · 27/05/2014 13:32

Thanks...

To be honest, I'm less worried about not seeing him over the next few weeks. I'm going to be really busy over June anyway with my own stuff - with dances, shows, rehearsals, performances, weekends away with the children...

It's more the distance between us due to his move and the extra restrictions on my time caused by my increased work hours.

To be honest, a hour is the most I think I'm comfortably prepared to travel. An hour and a half is pushing it a bit...

I think the few weeks apart will give us both time to reflect on things and decide whether we feel this is worth 'working for' in that respect.

As I've said many, many times, this was never going to be forever. I'm just not sure either of us anticipated it ending for this reason or at this time. That would be quite sad.

The other thing is, I'm not sure I want a long distance relationship that's longer in distance than it currently is. I'm still not hugely confident in myself, I still worry and feel insecure... I'm also a bit anxious about bringing it up. My ex would have been all emotional blackmaily about something like this and, whilst I haven't seen anything from him to suggest he would be, the very thought of bringing it up is making me feel a bit anxious.

Sad
FolkGirl · 27/05/2014 13:42

The saddest part is that, in my head, there is a little space that's protecting me by telling me it's already over Sad

I don't want it to be, I love him.

Goodguy11 · 27/05/2014 13:51

If you like each other enough folk you will find a way to be together

Rummikub · 27/05/2014 13:56

Folk, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Otherwise it'll be self fulfilling. A talk is needed. I have done distance before and it was hard but worth it. It's not impossible.

FolkGirl · 27/05/2014 13:59

Thanks again. I think a talk is the only way forward. I suppose the big problem with not seeing him for a few weeks, is that it's a talk that needs to happen in person and there might not be an opportunity for another 5/6 weeks!

Oh well...

He is lovely. It would be a shame to lose him.

Rummikub · 27/05/2014 14:04

Meet half way.

Rummikub · 27/05/2014 14:04

Sorry for being pushy, it sounds like a good thing you have and I'm an old romantic.

FolkGirl · 27/05/2014 14:07

Rummi That's a good idea! I'll have to see where is halfway, though... :) I've got a feeling it'll be the arse end of nowhere... Grin

I don't want it to end. I think I'm just feeling a bit despondant today and it's all looking a little bleak and hopeless. It's not, though.

Rummikub · 27/05/2014 14:16

And that might be a good way to keep things going. There must be a nice b&b halfway. Or a field where you can pitch a tent...

ChickOnaMission · 27/05/2014 16:17

oh for gods sake I really don't know at all where I stand with this guy.. we met friday, he announced immediately he had to tell me something, and proceeded to confess he'd kissed a woman from his yoga class in the week between me last seeing him. We've never had an exclusivity conversation, it's been very casual and once I got over the initial shock I said it was ok, we never made each other any promises or anything, I was glad he told me, but I didn't like it. He said he was going to tell her about me when he next saw her at yoga, I asked if they'd communicated in between and he said they'd exchanged a 'that was weird text' I was very surprised, why did he even tell me? I'd have never found out. But I was very pleased that he was being so honest, thought it was a good sign.

I'd planned not to have any kind of serious talk that night but seeing as he'd started it I told him I cared about him, didn't want a serious boyfriend, but it would be nice to know if he cared about me, he said he did care for me, we had a lovely night, we made tentative plans to meet this week, my last opportunity for over a month as I have no childcare, then today I texted something lighthearted, got a reply 'oh god I'm so behind with work' I said oh dear does that mean you haven't got time to meet this week, he replied he doubts he'll have any free time at all this week.

After Friday night I was really looking forward to seeing him this week and he's been so flippant about it.

As I'm writing this I'm thinking he's probably been communicating with this other woman he kissed.

Do I text him and have it out with him, ignore him and see what happens?

FolkGirl · 27/05/2014 16:31

On the basis of what you've said, Chick, I'd ignore it.

How long have you been seeing him? It sounds like he's a bit of a flakey drama llama at best and manipulative and intending to wrong foot you at worst.

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