Dating thread 75

[DeliberatelyDreaming]

For everyone OLD or even RL dating. Tell us your stories, share your woe's and get and give support.

Goodguy

It's ok I'm not going to again whats the point I look at me n see ugly fat old cow men do t want that .

jesy I'm so sorry to hear this has happened.

I think I've suggested something to you once before, I'm not sure, it might have been someone else, but did I suggest to you doing the About Me thing where you focus on all the good things about yourself and create a 'thoughtshower' of all the great things about you and include all the aspirations too.

So you might include 'volunteers at animal shelter' if that's something you do already, but you might also include 'runs three times a week' even if it's not something you currently do, but is something you'd like to see yourself doing in the future.

You can then celebrate all the already great things about you, but also work towards all the things you don't yet do but would like to.

I did it, and it made a huge difference to my life.

x

On another note, I was asked out by a real life man in the real world at the weekend!

It's someone I've known for a while, but not someone I know personally (he didn't know I have a boyfriend, for example).

But I can't believe it. An actual real life man who has seen me looking pretty rough, as well as ok, thinks I'm "really lovely" and wants to go out with me.

Fuck me!

Although, I had absolutely no idea until he asked me that he was interested. He'd even done something earlier in the day that made me think, "hm, that's odd, I'd have thought someone would only do that if they were interested in the person". Without it occurring to me that he might have been interested in me!

Idiot!

Was really flattered :)

Get you, BigBird

Hope it goes well. Are you still dancing..?

jesy please don't think that of yourself!!

I had a very brief relationship which was never destined to go anywhere, but he did make me feel beautiful and helped me get over some serious hang ups I had about my body (carrying twins full term gives you stretch marks from hell!!!). It ended for the right reasons - but I hung on to how he made me feel and how it obviously made him feel, even if it was only for a short while. I know I'm no Kelly Brook, but I also know that a man can lie in bed with me and admire my body - flaws and all.
Even though this relationship has ended for you, try and focus on the fact that he DID want you and DID find you sexy. If you are only a 14/16 you are NOT fat and there are a lot of men out their who appreciate curvy women over stick insects!!

jesy sorry it has ended. Please don't beat yourself up about this and more importantly dump that horrible 'friend' of yours that keeps putting you down.

folk what did this guy do earlier that made you think he might be interested? See you're really blossoming now...not long ago you said you could never tell when someone liked you!

You weren't stupid and you aren't any of those negative things your brain is telling you right now. I've discovered that other people's decisions rarely have anything to do with me, and even if they wouldn't have maybe acted like that towards someone else well I can't help who I am so there's no point battling that idea in my head. I hope you can think similarly, you never seemed to be able to rest and I think when it's right there's no second guessing. For now just be kind to yourself x

Yep - still dancing Folk! Although I think I may ask you for lessons :-)

And Jesy, think of all the women society deem beautiful who don't have any luck in love. It really isn't about looks at all. Who have we got? Cheryl Cole, Jennifer Anniston, Cameron Diaz. Two supermodels have recently split with their hubbies. In fact just look at celeb land and that will tell you all you need to know really!

Jesy you way to hard on yourself I prefer women who are not stick insects you just haven't met the right guy yet tats all I'm similar to you in that im around your age but still looking for the one if she exists
Looks are not everything prefer a nice personality everytimex

MyChild Have PM'd you :)

Well done folk you ladies really should realise some men find you ladies attractive

Ursula I agree. Nobody can change themselves for anybody. We can just find someone who loves us instead.

On a different note. I have now sent a message to all the 5 people that I thought I could date in OD. That's it. All done. Not sure if I am meant to be single at this rate....

I have been also reading a lot of self help kind of videos too.
Like this one.

I knew about the "finding yourself" thing in my 20s, and doing things which you love will turn you into the person that you want to be. That is why dancing is also important to me too. But I came to also realise that, I have given too much in the pursuit of my own hobbies instead of giving as much in the intimacies in building relationships with others too. I find this area quite confusing really.

I did message a little bit with this guy that I mentioned before that I have known him in my 20s. It was really pleasant, and he was kind with his comments too. Maybe I judged him too harshly before. We haven't really messaged one another after, and I do not know what to say to him at all...

On another note, I have been going out with this girlfriend and having a laugh about our foibles. It does feel less lonely doing this alongside someone else too. We both came to our realisation that we had been picky, a little bit. Although it isn't our set out intention to be picky, since we have not been picking, but we did eliminate someone very quickly without going for very deep meaningful relationship first. I really think that we are both quite scared to be honest...

GoodGuy and MyChild are both right.

But I know that doesn't help right now. And I'm guessing you also have a sickening feeling of disgust with yourself.

I often think like you. But then I remember exactly what MyChild has said to you. It's so hard because we are fed the message all the time that the only thing that matters about a woman is how thin and pretty she is.

But there are men who see beyond that. (Or so I am led to believe...)

Agree with you Folk in that some men see beyond Whether a woman is thin pretty i much prefer a woman with natural beauty who is a nice person and fun and good company to be around

do they really?? All i can see when i look in the mirror are my imperfections. I always feel i'm punching above my weight with the guys i chat to, i am just not attracted to the ones who are similarly as fat as me. Maybe i'm too shallow :/

i am just not attracted to the ones who are similarly as fat as me

I have that exact same thing! someday

But I tell myself that it's because women are supposed to be soft and marshmallowy. Where as men aren't.

However, I also know that a lot of men worry about losing their hair in a similar way to women worry about weight and I really don't care about that.

At the end of of the day we all lose our looks over time then what are we left with a shallow person or a great kind considerate person

I take no notice of hair like that either. I'm not sure how to explain, it's not like I look for model types at all, there has to be some level of attraction for me, like an inviting smile or something. I genuinely do wonder if it is me being shallow or if most of us have some kind of instant turn off

Advice please. Not heard at all today from sporty. Completely in contrast to every contact we've had for last 2 and a bit months or so. I can see he hasn't been on what's app at all since yesterday evening. Which he uses to contact friends as well as me. I have just sent a message asking if he is OK.

I don't know if to think something has happened to him or his phone? Or if he is blocking me? Which would make no sense based on how he had been up until last had contact with him. But I know perfectly possible. If so I completely got him wrong.

So don't know what to do or think? If to be concerned or pissed off. Any ideas folks? :(

Well I have instant physical turn offs, someday but I don't think it's being shallow.

If you saw the men I do find attractive, no one would accuse me of being 'shallow'. I find conventionally attractive people quite boring to look at.

I think if someone has a personality you click with then, in some cases, you can overcome instant physical turn offs, but not very often.

After all, a turn off isn't the same as just not finding someone attractive, it's something that's particularly unattractive to you.

But that's fine, because they will be attractive to someone else.

Mini there may be a genuine reason (phone battery dead, somewhere with no signal). Try not to worry too much so soon. It does seem slightly strange for him to switch off contact so suddenly without any hints...

I agree with Big Bird. Do not overthink. I am also bad at this too.
Do something and not put everything into him right now. When he is ready he may come round. And also, do not think the worst of the situation either.

Mini this happened to me on Friday,I was sure I'd been blocked as the one tick never changed:-(,but it turned out that he had uninstalled his whatsapp by accident,so pure paranoia on my part,try not panic I know easier said than done :-)

jesy so sorry. But it really isn't you, it's him. I second writing down the stuff that you do, any achievements, nice things that happen to you, nice things that people say.
I did something similar, and I noted simple things like when friends sent me a text. It does help, bit by bit, it does.