Partner won't accept pregnancy

[Caucasus]

I've posted about this issue before, so sorry if I'm covering some old ground, but my (ex?) partner is driving me crazy. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and he wants me to abort. At the moment, he refuses to accept that

a) I'm not going to get an abortion and
b) That I have the right to make that decision (against his will)

All he says is that I am selfish, that he has a right to have a say, that if I loved him I would do this for him ("I would do it for you"), that it's not a big ask (in his words, from a text: "Literally everyone we know has had one. I've just had the bad fortune to have to deal with your choices, I feel everyone else has had a get out of jail free card issued to them and I've had the bad luck not to, because of you").

If ever I accuse him of not supporting me, he says "you are not supporting me" or if I say that he doesn't care how I feel, he says "you don't care how I feel". If I say he should be ashamed of himself for being so cruel to his pregnant girlfriend, he says my actions (not getting an abortion) are cruel to him. It's just impossible to argue with him, and he's convinced I'm the bad guy.

Is there any way at all I can make him understand my position? He REFUSES to accept it, and now that I'm pregnant with his child I kind of have to deal with him, and it's a NIGHTMARE.

[MeganBacon]

Op, as others have said, it's time to stop trying to change the way he feels about it and look after yourself and your unborn baby. For now, it's not worth debating the rights and wrongs of what as happened wrt contraception and previous promises.
I was once in a position very similar to yours. You may worry about him leaving now but once the baby is here you will be much more focussed on the love you have for the baby and you will wonder why you bothered about the reluctant father. Your heart is telling you to keep the baby so listen to that. I managed fine and so will you. I wish you all the best.

[Viviennemary]

I agree totally with Megan. You can't change the way he feels or his actions. And torturing yourself with the whys and wherefores and what could have happened is not good. Just think about yourself and the baby and do what is best for you.

[WildBill]

I can see both sides here, yes it's OP's choice to have a termination or not however he father has made his view on the unborn child very clear so why the OP is still imagining he will want something to do with it and 'come round' is a mystery.

I'm sure we've all known someone who is in a rocky relationship and then has an 'accidentally on purpose' pregnancy in order to try and seal a committment to it.

Not saying that is what happened here but I'd be curious if this pregnancy was discussed prior to conception or the state of the relationship and when you the OP broke up with the partner.
OP if you have this child you will be on your own, don't expect anything from the father except financial contribution. Give up trying to change his mind - he's already left.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

Wildbill, read the Op's posts for your answer. You can highlight them with Customise.

[superstarheartbreaker]

Does it really matter HOW the op got pregnant and any supposed carelessness that may have led to this? The fact is she IS pregnant and her ex is an arse. Who cares about him op. Get rid. Same happened to me and he buggered off, regretted it as came round but I won't take him back as he should have supported my pregnancy.
Am using copper coil now...and celibacy as contraception!

[SolidGoldBrass]

I agree with whoever said that, given the Man was the one who was keen on not-very-protected sex, this might be more about his wish to control the OP than anything else.
Some men are very fond of impregnanting women because they are obsessed with the mightiness of their own dicks. But they don't want children so they then try to force the women to terminate.

[jaykay34]

Hi OP....Just a few weeks ago, I was in a really similar situation to you.
I did write a post on here about it as I was so confused at the time...basically, I found out I was pregnant at 15 weeks...it was a huge shock to me and I deperately needed reassurance. My partner's reaction was really negative and I was accustomed to the fact that we would split up.
He didn't want the relationship to end - he just didn't want the baby.
We lived in a strained environment for a couple of weeks...then I had a bleed (I'd been having periods before I realised I was pregnant) and he suddenly became all worried and caring. I was hospitalised overnight but refused to let him come to the hospital as I was so angry about his earlier attitude.
It turned out everything was fine with the baby and we told our families about the pregnancy, who were subsequently all excited and over the moon.
Since then he has attended the 20 week scan - which prompted him to buy a load of stuff for the baby. We had to return as the baby was awkward at the first scan and the sonographer couldn't get all the measurements she needed - and he also attended the second scan and then talked about the baby non-stop after.
Things have completely turned around over the past 7 weeks and I don't think he can believe his initial attitude.
I guess what I am saying is that things can work out. Obviously, I think at the moment, you are doing the right thing - and there is no denying that your ex is being an arse - but sometimes initial reactions can change. In the case of my partner - he was in shock and the baby threw whatever his little life plan was completely off balance. He's a practical person and was worried about being too old to be a dad again/money/space for baby etc. Now he has come to terms with it, he is completely different.
Congratulations on your pregnancy btw