I'm sorry, but I am going to sound harsh here now.
Happymummyofone: Harsh lesson in having unprotected sex, surely as adults you both knew it could end like this?
I agree, why would you go and use something like the rhythm method (which according to one of my medic gf, it is one of the more accurate method around ! )
Caucasus: I see this response so much to women in my situation - I knew there was a chance I could get pregnant, yes, which is why I'm stepping up to take that responsibility like an adult.
It is not a "chance" when both of you used unprotected sex, AND one of the more higher accuracy method for conception. To be honest, as a bystander reading this. It reads indirectly, or subconsciously "I want children". As a 37 year old lady, I too went past that early 30-something hormonal stage, and my body screamed "babies". I didn't realise it at that time, but it did. So I can understand your desire to say these kind of things and also want it too. I am not sure if you realise this of yourself right now.
Being the responsible adult is actually also to respect him as an adult, and as a partner and take either the morning after pill asap, or both of you should have agreed and locked down a decision on what you would do if it happened. You did not say this. So it is a white lie in an indirect way. Men will think that women who does this is trapping them deliberately.
Maybe you got confused over his comments of "I want a future with you, but I do not want children yet". He means this. You did not take him seriously.
I had no idea that he would become like this, considering the fact he wanted us to have unprotected sex, he's an adult man not a teenager, we're in a long-term, stable and (previously) cohabiting relationship, and we had discussed having children in the future - something he wanted long term but wasn't ready for immediately.
No idea? This is pretty real.
Now he is and has to be a father via a blood tie, and this is something that men also need to be prepared for too. Emotionally, and what about financially ? He will go berserk. As much as you do not think why men do not want children asap, they do care, and it does affect them biologically. It is indeed not a imaginary thing, cos at the moment, you are seeing things from your side. But he will and shall have an actual invisible tie to this child.
And yes, going through an abortion is also a horrible and bad thing too, and yes, it may also scar you a little bit and it does actually affect you psychologically also too. I have also had to sat through and counsel girls during my uni years in our dorms. They wailed so much. Cos they just aborted a child. The people that do not talk about it openly IS because it can and it does hurt and scar you.
I can tell you also privately that when my father was working away, he also started to be depressed cos he couldn't be with his children and he had to tough it out. He cannot switch off knowing if and whether his children were looked after. So basically, you have a choice now, and you are taking the decision now to push him away and say "hey, go away now, and I do not care for your psychological well being in the far future, and I do not give a darn".
As much as your maternal instinct will kick in. His paternal instinct to protect the child will also kick in too. That is how powerful a child can affect two people.
I do not mean to guilt trip you, and I think what you think is happening is a little bit biased. It is not the money aspect. It will all come through later on. It is the future aspect of it all too. To also see your child call another man "Dad". Everything.
I don't get why people can get into this situation, most people will try to go for double protections so that conception cannot happen....
It does not sound like you guys had trust in your relationship. Avoidance is NOT trust. Missing info is NOT trust... I hope that you will let him see his own child. Cos it will psychologically damage him as well. I am sure of it.