Partner won't accept pregnancy

[Caucasus]

I've posted about this issue before, so sorry if I'm covering some old ground, but my (ex?) partner is driving me crazy. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and he wants me to abort. At the moment, he refuses to accept that

a) I'm not going to get an abortion and
b) That I have the right to make that decision (against his will)

All he says is that I am selfish, that he has a right to have a say, that if I loved him I would do this for him ("I would do it for you"), that it's not a big ask (in his words, from a text: "Literally everyone we know has had one. I've just had the bad fortune to have to deal with your choices, I feel everyone else has had a get out of jail free card issued to them and I've had the bad luck not to, because of you").

If ever I accuse him of not supporting me, he says "you are not supporting me" or if I say that he doesn't care how I feel, he says "you don't care how I feel". If I say he should be ashamed of himself for being so cruel to his pregnant girlfriend, he says my actions (not getting an abortion) are cruel to him. It's just impossible to argue with him, and he's convinced I'm the bad guy.

Is there any way at all I can make him understand my position? He REFUSES to accept it, and now that I'm pregnant with his child I kind of have to deal with him, and it's a NIGHTMARE.

[struggling100]

I would take the question mark out of that ex? partner, and have nothing more to do with him.

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

It wasn't even a contraceptive failure? Fucking hell he's a prince isn't he
And at 16 weeks it's giving birth to a dead foetus, nothing like a period.
Honestly, cut him off. At least until you are paste the 24 week mark. And stop pandering to him! You are about to have a child, that child needs to be the one you think about, not him. Pursue him for maintenance and offer contact however make it clear that he has to commit to contact and it has to be in the child's interests otherwise it stops.

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

Oh Jesus he's a fucking dickhead isn't he.

[Cantabile]

Stop trying to placate him. He is being a spoilt brat and using this whole thing to gain advantage over you. Now he knows that whatever happens in the future - if he wants to see his child, if he doesn't, whatever he feels like at whatever time - you will bend over backwards to accommodate him. Don't, it will do you no good in the long term, and more importantly, it will do your baby, child, teen, no good.

Be strong. Do it yourself but fight for your baby's rights.

First, money. Your spoilt brat ex needs to support his child so get that claim into the CSA or whatever it is now as soon after birth as possible. That way he may think twice before he takes the risk of having unprotected sex like that again.

Next, father/child relationship. Your child has a right to a relationship with his/her father, not the other way round. It is important you get the distinction. So, let the father disappear for a few years as that won't make a blind bit of difference to the baby initially who will only want you, really. If the ex turns up in a few years demanding to see his child, then rather than agreeing immediately, tell him that there has to be a carefully managed getting to know each other plan, that he has to learn how to relate to his child, how to look after him/her, how to ensure that he/she is kept safe etc etc etc. With luck this will help to making a strong bond between them and your ex will be less likely to swan in and out of your child's life as the fancy takes him.

If you placate old GobbyChops all the time now then you'll be sorry later as the pathetic tosser walks all over you both.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

The harsh lesson about not thinking through the consequences of unprotected sex is definitely his. Your harsh lesson is finding out you were living with a complete shit.

I am largely 'pro choice' but threads like this make me very sad that some people extrapolate that possibility to mean that a baby is an inconvenience that can be easily disposed of like yesterday's newspaper. I hope there is a special room in hell for men that expect women to just 'get rid' because they're not quite ready for fatherhood.

[cutefluffybunnes]

I don't think I can add to the consistent and wise advice that you cut all contact with this arse.

But... you should be telling EVERYONE that you are pregnant! Congratulations! It's wonderful news and people will be over the moon for you. Find an NCT group. Take a baby first aid course. Post monthly FB pictures of your bump. Start looking at adorable tiny clothes. I bet his mum has already been out shopping and has itsy bitsy little booties she is itching to put on those perfect little feet.

Stop all contact immediately with this man and get on with enjoying your pregnancy. You're having a baby, woman! Stop feeling guilty and start feeling wonderful.

[cutefluffybunnes]

Oh, and stop making any promises about money & support. Don't make any longterm decisions or commitments about his involvement.

What you should be focussing on is pushchairs... have you seen how many pushchairs are out there? That decision can take the whole 9 months, so you're wasting time thinking about this loser.

[Caucasus]

His mum said she cried at work when she found out a colleague was becoming a grandmother, as she was too but couldn't share what should be happy news. She also won't let me send her the scan pictures - she really wants to see them but feels it would be a betrayal of him.

[ohldoneedtogetagrip]

His mum seems to be a bit of hard work too. Could she not see that a termination would be a betrayal of her future DGC. What happens when your DC is born if he wants not to be involved. Will she decide that she will be betraying her twat of a DS if she denies the DGC existance!!

Congratulations on your pregnancy by the way

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Forget his mother. Does she know he's putting pressure on you to terminate? She'll have to stick by him, right or wrong so she'd have been no use to you anyway.

[Ohwhatfuckeryisthis]

He's not a victim. He was a sperm donor.
Cut all communications with this knob. That's your closure.
Good luck with your pregnancy.

[expatinscotland]

Cut him the fuck out of your life! No more contact, he's s dick. His mum, too.

No putting him on the birth certificate.

[expatinscotland]

He is also a stupid fuckwit. A second trimester is a surgical procedure.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

If he was my son, I'd knock some sense into the little shit, I'd be thoroughly ashamed of him.

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

Is his mum going to opt out of the child's life 'to support her son'? What a knob she sounds too.

[SolidGoldBrass]

Yes, defiitely cut contact with this man (have you movedout/thrown him out?) Send him an email along the lines of 'I have heard your opinion. I am continuing with the pregnancy. I do not want to hear any more from you and further attempts at contact will be reported to the police' then completely ignore him. He might decide to grow up and behave like a human being, he might not, but the fact remains that he doesn't matter. There is no need to subject yourself to his nonsense and bullying.

Yes, I appreciate that he might not like the idea of having a child he didn't want but, tough shit. That doesn't give him the right to bully and harass you.

[HillyHolbrook]

I don't have time to rtft so sorry if I'm repeating anyone, but you should definitely cut contact with this man.
He doesn't want the baby so don't try force a relationship. Save all the texts and emails etc so if when the baby is born he tries anything funny like getting custody of the child he wished was aborted, you have something to go against him in court.

If he steps up, then take baby steps with him and make him prove himself for the sake of your child. A baby doesn't need a mum and dad, simply parent(s) who love and want them, which he isn't. I can't believe his mum won't have anything to do with the baby because of him, I almost understand where she's coming from but if she wanted to be a grandmother so badly, she should put her grandchild first and not her selfish son.

[Caucasus]

I think his mum will have something to do with the baby when it's born - she's asked if she can come and visit me next time I'm working near where she lives, and is being very nice to me, but she feels at the moment that the best thing she can do is be supportive of him. He's saying things like he can't cope and he wants to die, so I think she's trying to deal with that the best she can. It's different to how I would deal with it, granted, but her heart is in the right place.

[Caucasus]

We're not living together any more, and don't have much contact. We didn't speak at all for a while (3 weeks?) but recently started telephone contact to try and talk about things. I think I was thinking the time he's had on his own would have helped him come to terms with the situation, but it hasn't.

[Longdistance]

He wants to die? Nice bit of blackmail there.

[expatinscotland]

She needs to be cut out, too.

Tell him what Solid said, exactly.

Just ignore her.

[notapizzaeater]

He sounds wonderful

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

He wants to die because hes not getting his own way?

What a fucking twat!!

No contact, block him from all forms of contact, hes only gonna get worse because time is running out.

For the sake of your baby, your need to give up on this waste of space.

[Viviennemary]

I agree absolutely with no point in reasoning with him. You have made your decision. He doesn't like it. Too bad. You could do without this extra grief from this waste of space of a man. Just tell him to go away and come back when he becomes an adult. Which will probably be never.

[scottishmummy]

Get shot of him,he's unsupportive and haranguing you.and no to his mum stick oar in
You need to gather your supportive pals
Look at work mat leave,and start looking fir nursery place now,baby places fill quick