Being DRY

[Bigglesfliesundone]

This is the fourth thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol completely.

It's an arduous path at times, but we're still here!

We know how easy it is to slip, and how hard it can be to stay on the road, but we also know that we can't drink 'just one'.

The thread motto is 'Watch the film to the end'

Come and have a coffee!

Hi Popper, glad you found us. It sounds like you're very well aware of the reasons behind your drinking - have you ever had therapy around the childhood issues?

Given the history with your DH, it seems as if you can be pretty straightforward with him about your drinking - do you think you can sit down with him and tell him your decision and ask for help? If he is in recovery himself I'd think he could be a really valuable support for you.

Good luck, and keep checking in with us, it really does help I think.

MistressP, my drinking peaked when mine were both little as well. With my second, although I wasn't drinking the highest quantities I've ever drunk, I was certainly the most incapitated due to the sleep-deprivation conflating the issue. Sometimes I'd wake up in the morning, having brought her into bed with me, and have no memory of that at all. Terrifying, in retrospect. I was worried enough that I talked to DH about it and swore to stick to one glass of wine a night, which I did for a few weeks, but then she started sleeping better and I could drink a bit more, more safely, again. I feel a lot of shame about that as well, but here we are, sober, and our kids will only ever know us as sober, and I think we get to be proud of that.

Guggenheim I asked about your room because I wondered if there was a dream behind the desire - i.e., would you read in it, craft in it, play incredibly loud music in it - that you can somehow replicate without a physical room?

Hello everyone Happy Birthday Biggles !!! Hope you have a great day. :)

Lots to read and think about from the posts yesterday. Welcome Popper Your post was so powerful. Please stay with us. Not drinking just gets better and better. Your last sentence about drinking not dictating who you are - that so resonated with me.

I agree Sunday about getting annoyed when boozing is just seen as normal. A few weeks ago when I had constant headaches the GP suggested I drink a glass of wine to 'relax'. Um no, won't help.
I am trying to retrain my brain by whenever I see alcohol on the tv thinking 'yuck'. And someone last thread mentioned calling the alcohol, aisle the 'Aisle of Death'. I do that too. I laugh about it, but it does help.

But GOD, I am just loving sober mornings. How fabulous I feel.

Scarflady i also felt itchy when I first gave up. It passes. :) I had forgotten about that symptom. Well done on negotiating the pub. I agree though- I always want to leave early too. Eat a nice meal, have a good chat, then go home not stay on and on and on talking drunk rubbish that feels so profound at the time.

I find also that there are a couple of 'friendships' that were based around the pub which I am willing to let go gently.... people whose company I don't enjoy sober (there is a rather nasty gossip in my pub drinking friend group) and before I kind of tolerated it, but my ability to tolerate it has seeped away, because frankly life is just too bloody short. That is a good thing, and I feel okay about it. This has been a person I have wanted to pull away from for some time.....now I feel able to do so. I feel stronger in myself.

My drinking also peaked in the first year after DS was born. I know now that I had PND but that was not why. I was a serious drinker before. I recall feeling fear before I moved in with DH because I thought 'now he will know how much I drink'. It scared me.

But, not drinking. Today I am loving it. The crushing tiredness has even started to fade and I can sit up with DH and have a proper evening. It's brilliant.

I love the sound of your playhouse hyper. :) I love the idea of creating a physical space. I find it so interesting what we all have said about drinking being about 'time out'. There is alot to think about that. It connects with the crushing pressure we put on ourselves as women, I am sure.

Sorry, long long, ramby post.

Hello Scarflady. Just wanted to chip in on what you said about wanting to go home from the pub early… Totally identify with that feeling - what is the point of dragging out an evening unless it is an opportunity to drink? I felt very much the same way with dinners -everyone lingering around the table for hours. I still feel like that sometimes, but find one thing that is helpful is to make a conscious effort/choice to listen to what people are saying (about their lives, their views whatever). And to try to find that interesting/concentrate on it. I am painfully aware that the way I used to operate was very different - I was far more interested in where the next drink was coming from than what people were saying/where I was. So, for instance, I didn't notice or appreciate my surroundings sometimes when abroad in amazing places because I wanted to be in the bar more than the museums/looking at the landscape etc. Anyway, that is a tip I use sometimes and I find it can be v. useful.

Oh, and welcome Popper! Really good to have you with us. Agree with what Tortoise said about you hopefully being able to talk to your DH about your decision and getting support from him. It's not easy, but I think in a way making a decision to do something about it and take back control of your life is quite empowering. Goes some way to getting some self-respect back - especially where role as a mother is concerned (at least in my case).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIGGIES!!!

Morning all from a 50 year old sorry about my rant yesterday. I actually feel quite relieved I'm not doing the hm as was so stressed about it. Obviously I didn't grab the gin and fags, just muttered a bit and watched telly going to try and go swimming tomorrow.

Had some lovely presents - including some really thoughtful ones from my staff at work which is really touching. Dh has taken the day off feel guilty now!

will catch up later. thank you for the birthday wishes. sober on my 50th!! whoda thunk it
x

SO glad people came up trumps for you!

Happy birthday Biggles - I am so glad the day is looking brighter! Enjoy it.

Feeling positive on day 4 and still enjoying the novelty of being bright eyed(ish) and cheery in the mornings instead of grey around the edges and dragging myself around the place. Bit worried about how I will motivate myself when the novelty wears off - but I guess that's a way off and in any event is a good problem to have. Fingers crossed for the weekend when I'll be visiting people and places where there are lurking alcohol triggers - but am feeling cautiously positive and optimistic that I will make it through.

Hope everyone has a good day.

PS Merce - thank you for the support and the tip, good idea and I will try it out in a museum tomorrow! (See, only day 4 and already I am getting cultured )

Happy Birthday Biggles xxxxxx. - Yay for sober Birthdays :).
Day 7 here :). Feeling less sad and more up - sleeping a bit better - agree at to be sober - felt an inner peace all day yesterday until the evening when I suddenly had habitual cravings - batted them of and managed to stay awake until 11.00 watching dodgy TV (unheard of as normal passed out by 9.30). Hope everyone has a good day catch you all later :)

Morning, all

Happy birthday Biggles!

welcome, Popper.

Merce, great tip. I noticed at a work do a while ago that one of the women who doesn't drink is very, very interested in people in a very warm and engaging way. (I don't think she is in recovery, btw, I think she is just not a drinker - but who knows?) I decided at the time to take inspiration from that as a way to be more present.

There is an interesting intersection between this thread and the "women and space" thread in FWR. People drinking their way into privacy.

the saddest and most intense version of this is women or girls drinking their way to oblivion from abuse. Popper, my heart goes out to you. Well done for everything you have achieved. I hope we can be friends to you.

Thank you for your kind words everyone, I think in the past the enormity of never drinking again has always been my stumbling block, however, this time I think the 'just taking one day, half a day, the next hour, 30 minutes, 10 minutes' at a time is where I need to focus.
I have had counselling and it has helped, it's only when I drink that the pit of despair creeps back in, when I have clarity of mind, I have a strong mind.

Hey Tortoise! and thanks no chips :)
I wouldn't have got to 8 months on my own and have read sober blogs ,including Tortoise's, avidly I have also written my own daily sober blog which is part of the Blogger's Network here on Mumsnet called www.ahangoverfreelife.com. Yesterday was my day 250 and we had a sing-along to Frozen's Let It Go. Who knew that it would be purloined by the grown ups and made a sober anthem?! Now to catch up on the conversation that I've missed

Biggles That is such a good idea for your Dd! My Dd is a New Year's Day baby and we always struggle to get many of her friends who are around and free to celebrate anywhere around this day. May have to nick your idea - she'd be delighted! How did you put it to her?

Mistress Re books to read this is the collection that I have read ahangoverfreelife.com/2014/01/26/preparation/ I've linked to my blog as it is easier than cutting and pasting the whole list and also some really good recommendations are made in the comments. Plus not on my, as I've read more recently is: Almost Alcoholic by Doyle & Nowinski

Lucy - it was her idea!

Thanks Biggles for the reply and Happy Birthday! Maybe you could suggest a way to celebrate your birthday in a different way and follow her lead!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIGGLES!!!

Happy Birthday Biggles!

Just came to run around the room and yell 'NEARLY THREE MONTHS'

It's been touch and go, stopped the (antabuse) tablets twice before coming to my senses and restarting them before I could drink.

I can so relate to the drinking to create space thing. Although if you're so hung over that you can't get out of bed regularly enough it can get a bit boring (leading to more drinking in my experience) in the end

I am loving being sober but even after nearly three months I am still mentally ducking and diving and trying to work out when I can have a secret session, it's bloody annoying Things that are keeping me sober are having things to look forward to that I don't want to ruin by there being an atmosphere because I have fucked up again at some point.

I guess I've not been slowing up my brain enough. Back to the meditating I think...

Happy birthday Sippie sorry Biggles, you lovely lady.

Oh Tortoise, I've done the same and worse... cosleeping drunk, breastfeeding drunk, being in charge of my DC drunk. This is why Drunk Mom is going to be tough. I started it today and it's well written which is great. Thanks Lucy for your link too. I really hope no one ever stumbles across my kindle; the secret really will be out! I have about 20 books on alcoholism and addiction on there now.

Congrats LemonDough - 3 months fantastic :)

You're welcome Mistress. My Kindle is the same :) Congrats Lemondough on 3 months from me too.

Brilliant LemonDough, well done.

And while we're on the subject... It's my 90 days today. Apparently, according to the American books I've read, 90 days is a milestone at AA. Feeling very pleased I've made it so far.

Wow well done Mistress :). - When will I loose weight ? seem to have put it on :( How can that be ?

Well done Lemondough and Mistress. Agree 3 months/90 days is a meaningful period to stay sober. Bloody brilliant.

And 70hours - wish I could say something helpful. I put on weight too after I stopped drinking. And you think - how can it be? Was consuming about 1400 calories a day in booze. BUT then I suppose I lost interest in eating big suppers - and was often so ill with hangovers that I skipped the odd meal. Dunno. I have lost weight now, but it took 2 years of being sober before I really could stop shoving myself full of sugar/carbs. Tried to take the view that it didn't matter/wld sort itself out in the end/was way better than drinking etc. With mixed success. Do think, though, that if you beat yourself up about that on top of everything else you may be loading on too much pressure. Big fan of trying to be kind to yourself (not always good at doing it in practice).