Being DRY

[Bigglesfliesundone]

This is the fourth thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol completely.

It's an arduous path at times, but we're still here!

We know how easy it is to slip, and how hard it can be to stay on the road, but we also know that we can't drink 'just one'.

The thread motto is 'Watch the film to the end'



Come and have a coffee!

[beachywaves]

Thankyou for the replies. I totally agree with Cornchips about how it dominates your thoughts when you try and moderate it - its not very relaxing. I have had several periods in the last few years when I have stopped drinking completely and found once I got over the first weekend it was relatively easy. Like you Biggles, I would love to be a normal drinker, but realistically, I know I'm never going to be. Thanks again.

[Haggismcbaggis]

Hi Beachy. Sadly there are very few of us who realise we have a problem with alcohol, who haven't tried (and failed) to moderate in the past. In essence, it's almost the definition of having that problem.
As Corn Chips says sometimes abstinence is less of a head-wreck than moderation. Never is scary (yes!) but it is an absolute and harder for the brain to worm it's ways into making exceptions. That's what happened when I moderated. My brain kept making exceptions to the "only out of the house", "only at weekends" etc rule. It was exhausting! But it took time for me to be able to even consider abstinence - but suddenly I was ready.

Merlin! 20 years. Amazing - well done to you. What a total inspiration.

[Fontella]

I could never moderate either. No such thing as 'a glass or two of wine' in my life. The only time was during pregnancy and in the months after I had my kids and was breast feeding (and beyond) and the desire to drink just wasn't there. It was as if my body knew it had more important things to take care of, and any desire to drink disappeared.

I never went straight back to excessive drinking either. Two, three, four years on from there ... when the kids were still little, I was actually at a place where I was putting part bottles of wine back in the fridge with the cork in. Where a part-drunk bottle of wine would actually sit in the fridge for several days untouched! Where I could just pour a small glass and have with my dinner!

But sadly it didn't last. It was my maternal, biological body doing the self-moderating without any conscious effort from me. Once the kids got a bit older, started school etc. there were very few part drunk bottles of wine going back in the fridge, but lots of very empty empties going in the recycling bin to the point it was actually quite embarrassing how many there were. I was back to being unable to moderate and drinking to excess. Once that bottle of wine got opened .. it got drunk. And I don't just mean 'one' either. That went on for years and years.

So for me, there really was only one option and that was to stop. Now I can say hand on heart, I don't miss it, I rarely think about it. Life without booze is not the empty barren place I thought it would be. It's the same world as it always was, but now I'm fully alert to enjoy it, not to mention, fitter, richer, healthier and happier.

And Merlin! As others have said - 20 years wow! Fantastic. I wish I'd done it 20 years ago!

[stayingdry]

I believe like its been said already, an alcoholic brain is wired differently. we just cannot stay at one drink, end of.
MERLIN, wow 20 years, hats off to you I am 11 months sober very soon, celebrate my AA birthday in September, and like you AA saved my life, my family life. It has given me my sobriety and serenity, and the courage and knowhow to keep it one precious day at a time
And I'm an atheist too

[Tortoiseonthehalfshell]

I don't think you'll find anyone who has quit alcohol after developing a drinking problem, who didn't try to moderate first. The idea of being without alcohol entirely is so fucking terrifying that most of us will try anything at ALL to avoid it.

But then you give up, and it's like - wow, I should've just done this years ago. This rocks.

In other (mememe) news: YOU GUYS! I did a brave thing and pitched an idea for an article to substance.com AND THEY SAID YES. THEY WILL RUN IT AND THEY WILL PAY ME ACTUAL MONEY FOR IT. THIS IS AN ALL-CAPS EVENT IN MY LIFE!

[CornChips]

That is GREAT Tortoise!!!!!!!

Great news. :)

[Fattymcbatty]

Well done Tortoise!!

Happy Friday everyone, got my first social event tonight - red bull and diet coke for me. Feeling strong .

[Haggismcbaggis]

Good luck FMcB. Decided I'm not calling you THAT.

Feeling sad. My eldest DD is just back an hour having been away 10 days at her grandmas. Out playing football for 5 mins with my DS and it descends into almighty screaming fit. Why can these children not play together for a few minutes. It's unbearable. Now both in their rooms screaming / crying. Sigh.

[Fattymcbatty]

Lol, thanks Haggis!

I empathise re squabbling DCs. Went to m&s after school and my eldest two were squabbling so much that a shop assistant actually came and asked me if everything was ok! Erm, yep, just a normal day in parenting paradise .

Ps I had a lovely evening hosting a BBQ for friends tonight, happily pouring wine and beers for our guests and not feeling one bit tempted to have some myself. Quite proud of myself!

[Haggismcbaggis]

That's very impressive FMcB! I haven't hosted anything at home yet.

I went to my book group for the first time since going AF. It was good fun although I feel I will be the first to leave things for the rest of my life. But it was nearly midnight FGS.

Hope everyone had a good Friday.

[Lucy2610]

Hello all! :)
Passed 300 days yesterday. Never thought I'd be typing that!! For all those at the beginning of the journey or lurking and reading this please give it a go as it just might be the best thing you ever do - it was for me anyway ;)
Found a new drink in Saino's perfect for this hot weather - Fruitbroo Juicy Iced Tea Elderflower & Lime. You add a few teaspoons of the concentrate to a glass with some ice and water and voila - one nice refreshing iced tea.
Perfect accompaniment for ice cream

[allhailqueenmab]

Hi! we need a new thread soon. Or do we already have one?

Hot day in the park today - friend's birthday picnic - not drinking, which I don't take credit for as I had the car, but still, noticing things differently:

• how everyone else has the odd drink and then seems to forget about it
  
• how thirsty I was for watery drinks, and how shocking my headache would have been later if I had been drinking booze all through instead (which I would have)
  
• how delicious cold watery drinks are in this weather
  
• how soon you stop thinking about drinking, and how little it matters
  
• how you can open up just as well in the right context. This is the most amazing thing to me. My friend is a sort of genius at collecting interesting people, and I met lots of interesting new people, which is exactly the sort of context in which I thought I "needed" to drink, but actually to find again and again that I can have better conversations - more open, more relaxed, more sincere - is really interesting. (And there are other times which are socially bloody awful and you want to drink or get the hell out, but that is not the fault of not drinking.)
  

I can't find another thread so I started it so we can link to it before this one fills up. If there is another one and I am just being thick, I'll report and get it deleted

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2137624-DRY-5

[Fattymcbatty]

Lucy, 300 days, wow amazing, keep up the good work!

Well done allhail. Some really interesting points there and thanks for the new link.

[CornChips]

Yeah! New thread!

[Snowie2]

Hi can I join I gave up alcohol for a year went back for a few months & now fed up with the Saturday morning wine fatigue ! I found being off alcohol easy but the constant questions & conversation s & pressure from everyone very difficult. I didn't have a massive problem just very busy life & wanted some more time to do positive things eg exercise etc. I definitely achieved that but was still very tired all the time looking back though I looked much better. As soon as I went back on the odd wine I gave up exercise & put on loads of weight :/. Would love to go off it again (starting today) but with Xmas looming in the distance I'll have to have the same conversations over and over. "I'm not an alcoholic I just gave it up no I won't have just one etc" I felt so much more normal when I went back on it & terrified ppl think I have major problem. Last night had too much wine & really suffering today ! Also quite short tempered so that's it in off it again fed up !

[MaryAnnes]

Fascinating reading.

I used to be a heavy drinker. Could not stop at one or two. Turned to ten to twenty and nights out became a blur and often complete memory loss.

I've managed a year now not binging and just the occasional cider.

Amazing how much better you look / feel / sleep and also the amount of puppy fat you lose. Fortunately still in my 30s so hopefully given up the party lifestyle just in time before alcohol took over my life.

It become very controlling and as much as we think it's fun it's a very bad depressant and used to put me in a very bad place the day after a binge.

Best of luck to us all - an AF life is positive and healthy and hell saves a fortune with drinks now £5 a time when out or in clubs a double rum and coke £17 - £20 ! Per drink. Yes per drink.

Don't miss that feeling card cards finding receipts after receipt in the pockets!