Hi
More books - I am now reading this
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B008SG01RU/ref=oh_d__o00_details_o00__i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21
Lots of stuff - as in all addiction stuff - about honesty and authenticity, which I am really working on at the moment - it's hard for me.
Dealing with anxiety is hard for me too. One of the books I linked to yesterday stresses how you must replace alcohol when you give it up. For me, I have lost all sense of enjoyment a while ago (mostly - in most contexts) and what I need to replace is the anxiety crutch and the stress crutch. I don't know how to clear my mind of the thngs that whirl around and around in it.
I think this is related to the honesty and authenticity thing too. I am so so so afraid of being exposed, and have been since I was a child. I feel so vulnerable when I put things out there. there are lots of things going on at work which are requiring me to speak up for myself and every time I do, my response whirls around in my head for days as I imagine what punishment will be coming my way for it; what will people think of me? What do they think of me already, that I am being treated like this? (nothing - it's not personal - nobody cares about me, but nobody hates me, I guess, or even thinks much about me - I keep being left out of important discussions and this is because I am forgotten not because I am despised - so I keep telling myself - but it's hard)
Sorry to ramble on like this. I have a stinking cold and another long day and UGH.
Guggenheim thaks for the well done on day 8 (day 9 now). Day 0 was a one day relapse after a little while not drinking so I am feeling good, but also getting into the "is this it?" mind set - the feeling that all my problems are still there - and now I have to work out how I will deal with them or live with them
I am allowing myself to eat though. This is a new thing for me as I have been dieting or breaking a diet since my teens. I have consciously put aside all calorie counting, all notions of fat and carbs and so on, and I eat three normal meals a day, not trying to limit the amount. I am piling on the vegetables and salad but not because I am trying not to eat other things, just for taste and health. It is amazing how not being hungry boosts the mood. And looking at the fridge at a meal time, knowing I can have anything I want. Boiled egg and toast and butter! Go for it, girl. Crazy times.