Hi Endingthecharade. Welcome - you are in the right place. Your post was touching and raw. It took me right back.
I am late 40s and identified with almost all of what you said. I hid bottles bloody everywhere. There was a shaming moment when my DD (then 4) came into the kitchen from our laundry room brandishing an empty bottle of white wine asking 'mummy, why is there an empty bottle of wine behind the washing machine?'. Knife in gut moment.
If you've been lurking on the thread for a while you'll know that we are a mish-mash of people with different lengths of sobriety and different techniques. What we all share is a massive problem with alcohol and an inability to drink normally - no matter how hard we try/want to persuade ourselves otherwise.
I did seriously shameful things when I was drinking - but like you appeared to be v. respectable and competent on the outside (held down good job etc). I was totally enslaved to it by the end.
Specifically in response to your questions:
Yes - have got to such a low point (if not lower). Terrified of myself and risk of losing my family.
If you look further up the thread there is a link to loads of excellent (sounding) books. I haven't read them yet, but plan on doing some ordering!
Re. AA, I understand what you say and it's easy for me as I live in a big city, but if you bumped into someone you knew they'd be there for the same reason, right? So you wouldn't be judged. And in my experience anonymity is taken really seriously. I would never have managed to stay sober (2 yrs 4 months so far) without it. I think if you 'white knuckle' it - i.e. feel like you are constantly depriving yourself of something - it's a matter of time until it all goes pear-shaped. I joined AA to stop drinking, but found so much more (way of living, thinking, not getting so het up about small things, less ego-driven etc). All that helps me not pick up a drink so is worth it.
Agree with your experience of counselling. A woman I saw 10 years ago was lovely, but when I said I thought I had an alcohol problem she said she doubted it (little did she know how bad it was going to get).
Telling people: I have been really private. Just don't want to get into it. So 3 friends, my mum and DH. That's it. Everyone else thinks I am being healthy/can't take it anymore/whatever. They may have their suspicions, but haven't 'said it'. Sometimes I think that is weak of me, but it's the way that feels right for now.
This is far too long - sorry! But didn't want to ignore you, and wanted to reply to best of my ability to your Qs.
xx