Being DRY

[Bigglesfliesundone]

This is the fourth thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol completely.

It's an arduous path at times, but we're still here!

We know how easy it is to slip, and how hard it can be to stay on the road, but we also know that we can't drink 'just one'.

The thread motto is 'Watch the film to the end'

Come and have a coffee!

I'd love to join and if I were anywhere near Manchester I would have come too. :)

I saw that too, sadly I'm miles from Manchester

Hope everyone is doing ok.. we came back from a nights camping today and I am properly cream crackered. Went to a little fete/live music thingy yesterday afternoon and I had half a pint of lager. Bit disappointed in myself for that really but dh actually bought me a pint and I didn't want to drink it all so that is a bonus! I have noticed my oldest is becoming my "conscience" I really fancied buying some wine last night at the camp shop...she said its a bad idea, I agreed with her and reluctantly went. Camping for me is sitting outside watching the sun go down while drinking a nice glass of chilled white wine, I kind of missed that yesterday.

Feeling very tired today, not sure if I can count yesterdays blip as today being day zero? if not then today is day 6.

Evening everyone, I'm a newbie, only on day 2 but it's been a long time coming.

Oddly, I always anticipated I would make the decision to stop drinking as a knee jerk reaction to having a binge the night before. I've actually been working up to it for a while, I had 3 glasses (quite small as I wasn't pouring!) on Friday and made a conscious decision that that would be my last alcohol. I will post my story later this eve when I've had a chance to get my thoughts together.

For now I would like to ask some specific advice please. How do I make it so that I don't feel like I'm totally missing out at tines like Christmas Day evening when I would drink champagne with hubby? Or on holiday, sitting on the decking? It's these two events that are really worrying me, not that I wouldn't be able to stick to it, but like I'm spoiling the occasions to some extent for me (and hubby) by not drinking. Hubby said 'well, just drink on those occasions then'.... but I'm an all or nothing person, I'm either a drinker or I'm totally not, if I've had one I might as well have ten.....!

Looking forward to your words of wisdom, thank you :)

Hello Fattymcbatty and welcome
I got through my first Christmas last year and the the thought that went through my head when I read your question was could you not drink alcohol free sparkling wine instead or sparkling elderflower cordial?
As for on holiday a nice mocktail or alcohol free beer would do it for me instead of booze - again would that work?
Someone else may have better suggestions but those would be mine :)

Thank you Lucy, great suggestions, thank you. I particularly like the mocktail idea because it neds to be something I wouldn't usually have, in order to feel different/special. Loving your blog, have practically ignored my family all weekend as have been reading all your posts! Seriously thinking of doing one myself as I love writing :)

No problem and glad you like the blog :) If you like to write come join us!

Hi Fattymcbatty. Like your username . You are most welcome. I second what Lucy says.

Pearl - I'm sorry you had the beer if you didn't want to (does your DH know that you are trying to be off alcohol - even if he doesn't know why?). What's really impressive is that you didn't say "f*ck it. I've had a mouthful, I might as well get stuck in". I fear that's what I would do, so well done you. A little blip so onwards and upwards.
Maybe you could tell your DH that you are off alcohol so at least you aren't in that particular position again.

Thanks haggis he does know I am going thirty days but not full time! it's getting into practise isn't it? He did say on Saturday, after our weekly food shop, that he thinks I am doing really well. I don't know why he tried to scupper it really but at least it wasn't wine he bought me, think I would have gone for the "f*ck it" route then... Lucky escape methinks.

Hi to fatty, I started writing a blog last week, I'm not the best writer in the world but I have found it great for just jotting down my thoughts and feelings instead of spamming this thread welcome to you

Thanks Haggis.

I'm feeling incredibly emotional right now, like I've made a life changing decision. Well, I have I suppose. My plan is to take it one day at a time, I'm only on day 2 but, strangely, feeling great and strong. Last night I started a diary which I'm going to write in every night, tracking my progress. Two things of note were that I was laying in bed listening to the rain outside - it was a beautiful sound and one that I would not have noticed after a bottle of wine - and the other was that I had my beautiful baby boy sleeping in his Moses basket next to me and I knew that if he woke in the night I could snuggle him in bed with me as I hadn't had a drink. Oh, I also started a new book last night and this morning I could actually remember what I'd read. Simple pleasures!

My two main tools right now are this wonderful thread (thank you posters!) and the 'play the tape til the end' phrase - amazingly powerful.

I am going to try really hard not to replace wine with high cal snacks as I'm already carrying some extra pounds, however my evening treat last night and tonight has been a cup of tea with one of those m&s chocolate stirrers - seems to be hitting the spot.

First big challenge, where I'll have to come out of my little bubble, is having friends over for dinner next weekend. They are big drinkers so will have to plan my coping techniques.

Have a good evening.

Hi Fatty, welcome. Hi Pearl. Spam the thread any time. :) i get so much out of everyone writing! Hi Lucy, Hi Haggis. Hi everyone.

On your slip Pearl and what it 'means'. i am interested in what people think about this too. There are so many people on the thread with a great deal more experience at sobriety than me, so I am keen to hear what they think too. FWIW - I don't count days, as it depressed me in the early days and made everything feel like a struggle. I know it works for alot of people as they like to see the days tot up. I put a £1 in a jar every sober day though. (Thanks for that idea Tortoise. :) )But, I think, if the slip means that you thought well, alcohol really is awful, and I really am not missing out, and then you go forth with renewed committment and feeling sure in your heart that it is the right thing to do, then I don't see the point in 'throwing away' the 5 days you have already. It is part of the process of becoming sober, I think.

That is how I have approached the slips I have had. Otherwise, I would have curled up in shame and a sense of failure and thought 'I'm weak. I'm crap'. Truth is - I joined this thread in early March. For a few months I had slips, and just felt so awful. Those slips proved to me that being AF is the path I want to commit to, and pursue. So they were not negative, if you see what I mean. That probably sounds very garbled. :) I hope I kind of make sense!

That is not to say that I give myself permission to go on a wild crazy binge or anything. Just I pause, regroup, and go forth. I feel dreadful emotionally and physically when I drink. But I was so used to feeling like that all the time that it is only now I realise how truly awful the effects of alcohol are on me.

Anyway- like I said- probably garbled, but that is how I feel. I know I cannot moderate. I know that it is a very unwise idea for me to think i can drink 'only on special occasions'. I know that being dry has already had such an impact on me for the better.

I'm finding it really helpful about other people attending events and being AF,it helps for me to prepare myself. I'm the same ad haggis that I'm scared I will never be able to have a 'social' drink again. Just now I know I can't but I had hoped to be able to in the future, realistically I don't think I will be but that is a horrid, lonely thought.

Thanks Lucy for the heads up in CBT. I did think it would be emotionally difficult but I really want to try anything to help myself.

I'm going out for a meal tonight with a friend. I've told him I'm off the drink just now (originally he invited me out for wine as I haven't seen him for an age). I'm tired after being camping with my bairns last night so will need extra resolve not to think that one glass wouldn't hurt. I don't suppose one would but I know what I'm like, it means the next time I go out I will think 'well I had one last time and managed' so have two and so it would go on until I'm back on a bottle a night and waking up in tge morning after a night out not exactly sure how I got home. I'm 42 with 3dc's so well past the age of drinking til I can't mind.

Sorry a bit messy post, feeling a bit sorry for myself today. Kick up the arse is needed!

Oh and starting my pound jar today, great idea CornChips and Tortoise!

Fatty, are you on holidays on a balcony at the moment? Are you going to be, next week?

Christmas is six months away.

You don't need to have all the answers today, about how to be sober forever. You just need to not drink today. By the time Christmas comes, you'll know how to survive Christmas.

Hi everyone, just wanted to check in as haven't posted in a while. I'm now over two months in and I feel like a massive weight has lifted. It's only with hindsight that I can see what a massive weight drinking was psychologically. Also physically! Have replaced drinking with the gym as my stress relied and combined with the 5:2 diet I'm down 25 lbs in 2 months. I just wish Id done this years ago.

Holy Canoli - 25 lbs??!!

Right. That's it. I am taking weightloss seriously.

Congratulations skippy!

Yea its falling off. Have a lot to loose though. Was a very heavy drinker so already down about 2000 cals a day just by cutting that out. Then I find my appetite so much more manageable by not having hangovers/messed up blood sugar all the time. The last thing is I really love the exercise as a bit of me time and a stress reliever. I don't even recognise myself after the few months but in a really really good way.

Good for you. :)

The exercise bit is hard for me- I have chronic back problems. But am seeing my osteopath again today and will ask about cycling which is my exercise of choice.

That has really inspired me skippy, thank you. :)

Oh... I meant to tell you all yesterday, but my internet access was a bit dodgy. I am thinking of taking classes in jewellery making. Another of those things I always wanted to do but evening classes interfered with my drinking time. I have been finding beautiful sea glass in my beach combing expeditions with DS and want to make them into little pendants set in silver. So many of you have inspired me in a very profound way - Biggles with her running. Tortoise with her writing.
I always said that if I had another life I would make jewellery..... maybe now it is time to actually live that life. :)

Hi ladies, I hope you don't if I maybe join you? I don't know if this maybe the right place for me but if I tell you what's been going on maybe you can let me know?
I've always been the "party girl" - you know the one that gets steaming drunk and is "a good laugh". Recently I've started realising that a lot of the time, if not most, I have no control over it. And usually when I've been on my bigger binges it's been because I've been feeling really low before I started.

I don't drink every day, in fact I sometimes go whole weeks without it but when I need a drink - I NEED a drink.

The weekend just gone resulted in one of my biggest blowouts. I have never felt so ashamed or disgusted with myself. I keep crying when I think that I have literally lost a whole weekend of my life on a bender, I have no idea why I didn't just stop? Why did I keep going?

I've been thinking about stopping drinking for a while but i worry I'll miss the times that I have drank in moderation or what about holidays, Christmas etc? How do you cope with that?

I'm only 24 and want to stop this now before I do any more damage but I don't really know how.

Hi Salem,

You sound like the same kind of drinker as me. I never drank every day either and could go days, weeks in between. But when I drank I drank until I was rat-arsed. I'd get the urge, go buy the wine, tell myself I was just having a glass or two and end up sticking away a couple of bottles at least. One started, I could never stop until I literally couldn't drink anymore and would fall, pissed, into bed.

I'm twice as old as you, but started in my early twenties and it carried on for decades. I would hate for this to happen to you, or anyone for that matter. I've lost count of the times I've been embarrassed, ashamed, sick, ill, lost days and so on, the stupid, idiotic things I've said and done, the damage I've done to my body, the hours/days/weeks of my life I have lost nursing hangovers or sometimes unable to get out of bed. the money I've spent and just the whole sheer waste of it all. Originally it was socially, but as my social life dried up as I had kids, got into middle age, I would just sit at home (I'm a single mum) and get pissed on my own. I was doing that regularly up until a few months ago.

I finally stopped on 31st December last year and it is the best thing I have ever done. Life without booze is perfectly fine. So are holidays - I've been away and never touched a drop despite going out for dinner etc. I haven't done a Christmas without booze yet, but I'll cross that hurdle when I get to it. You can do all the same things ... but instead of having an alcoholic drink you have a soft drink. If anyone makes any remarks about it (although in my case, hardly anyone has) I just think 'it's none of your effing business what I drink' and smile and carry on sipping whatever it is I'm sipping.

I don't know how to advise you about 'how' to do it, but in my case I just decided to go a month without booze and see what happened. I never told myself I was giving up forever, and I still don't. I gave up for a month, got to the end of that month and just carried on and here I am six and a half months later.

I can honestly say now that booze - which was once such a huge part of my life, is something I hardly ever think about it. I have had only one real 'craving' - a Saturday evening standing at the Co-op checkout buying some bits and bobs for dinner, going back to an empty house and there was a rack of red wine (my favourite tipple) within arm's reach. I was so tempted just to reach out and pick up a bottle and literally had to will my arm to stay at my side. I got through it though .. and haven't had anything like that since.

I now live an alcohol free life which is something I would never, ever in a million years have thought was possible for me.

It is great that you have realised so early on that you have a problem. I hope you are able to do something about it sooner than I did.

Good luck
x

Hi all, sorry for self-pitying "woe is me" post but right now, and since last night I have been feeling very hard done by because I am not "allowed" a drink. I snapped at my lovely eldest daughter today in the supermarket, very close to buying (just the one) bottle and she said "no, no wine", I said "ill have some bloody wine if I want to ok" and she went quiet...feel like a bit of a shit for that

Needed to buy some wine for a recipe I am cooking today and actually bought one of those miniature bottles, rather than a big one (one slop for the food the rest for me)

What is the matter with me? I understand how evil I am when I drink and I really don't want to be that person again but...but

Please tell me this is normal?

I am not planning on having any of that miniature btw, not even one sip. The whole lot is going in the recipe

Oh pearl, tell me about it! I am going through that today. Just thinking 'fuck it'. Work is a pain in the arse, money is a pain in the arse, the kids are wonderful but a PITA ...you get the drift I have just had a (rare) lunch break and to get into the town centre, I pass four pubs/gastro poncy things. So many people in and out, pictures of wine bottles, pictures of sweaty cold lager :( So pissed off about it all. I was in tears when dh phoned earlier because I just feel life is passing us by, neither of us 'love' our jobs, we just work to exist and it's not enough.

Perfectly ok to crave the demon drink though pearl. You kind of forget what it really does and wistfully remember the first one, not the 15 after that and the awfulness.

Lets just be miserable old bags together today

Thanks for the detailed reply fontella. It's really helpful to know that it can actually be done.

Can I ask whether it is something that you tell/announce or do you just keep it quiet and mention it as I comes up? A lot of my social circle involves drinking and going on nights out and I'm afraid if I just announce "I no longer drink" they'll think I don't want to come.

I look absolutely awful today. Spent all of yesterday crying and being sick. I have 2 massive black bags under my eyes. I look like a drug addict. The shame and guilt is just so overwhelming.

Oh Salem. We all know how you feel. It's horrible. Especially that first day when you have finally decided 'this is it'. I gave up on October 28th last year and spent the entire next day in bed crying. I promise it gets better - physically, you will feel really well very soon.

As for telling people, I sort of just didn't say much, I drove a lot to start with to a) put people off asking and b) to stop myself drinking .

Now it's been a while, everyone pretty much knows I have stopped, and most people (those who have known me for a long time) are pleased.

Some people don't want to tell, some do. I don't really believe we should be too ashamed or scared to 'tell', it's a great and brave thing to do, and the only people who will be snarky and unkind are those who have their own drinking issues - a few posts above about idiots like that .

Just stick to your guns and recover this week, then decided your next moves. You'll be fine x

Hi Salem! Welcome. Only you know if your drinking is something you can't control. Some of us were habitual drinkers (who told ourselves because we didn't drink in the morning and maybe didn't have massive binges - we didn't have a problem until we saw thar we did). Some of us were binge drinkers as Fontella describes. There are lots if different ways of being unable to control alcohol.

I'm very new at this (32 days) but what Tortoise said this morning is what I cling to when I am worrying about Xmas or holidays. Am I on holiday right now? No. I take care of today and let tomorrow take care of itself. There a couple of other much younger people on the thread I think. Don't let the fact that we are old gimmers put you off (or indeed make you think you are too young to step off the merry go round)

Corn chips - well done on the jewellery making! Biggles & Pearl I really hope your days improve.

Skippy - that's amazing about your weight loss and more importantly your new exercise habit. That's so inspiring for someone starting out like me.

I told my sister yesterday that I'd stopped drinking for the last month. She's recently moved to Oz so I haven't seen her obviously. It seemed the right time and I told her the real reason for doing so. She's the first person I have told in RL who knows me (iyswim). She was a bit . But could empathise with my feeling of never being able to control the amount of alcohol I consume and constantly thinking about it.