Being DRY

[Bigglesfliesundone]

This is the fourth thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol completely.

It's an arduous path at times, but we're still here!

We know how easy it is to slip, and how hard it can be to stay on the road, but we also know that we can't drink 'just one'.

The thread motto is 'Watch the film to the end'

Come and have a coffee!

Haggis - you really have summed up my feelings regading parental influence. I vividly remember the anger and resentment I had for my mum growing up and what a negative effect it had on family life. I really hope I can cling on to that. I know in time someone might say you will be fine just have one it doesnt matter, but I know the destruction it can cause. Alcohol killed my mum and she has missed out. I dont want to be the lonely old woman whose kids hate her missing out on all the good stuff.

Like you Hagggis I have a group of boozy friends (non boozy are probably described as a bit dull.....) so not sure how that will go. I dont know anyone sober....

God I hope I can do this !

We can do this Clearhead

I have a spate of 50th birthdays this year (just had my own - meal and early night!!) and I am just having to say no to parties. They are all focussed around going out and getting hammered. I just cannot see how I could possibly enjoy it anymore :( They are all old friends who are, to be honest, either snippy with me, say 'oh for goodness sake, just have one or two' or, in one case, pleased I won't be there as I would be so 'boring'.

I don't care to be fair, but it makes me a little angry in another way. The majority of them knew me at my very worst and still can't seem to see that I am doing this as I am not prepared to be an utter dickhead any more. I guess it says more about their fear of stopping than my decision.

Hi
You lot are my heroes!
Day 3 here.

Please can I ask advice: what do you order in pubs? I have to go to a work function tomorrow. I need something ready to rattle off when someone gets a round in. I just can't think of anything that isn't too sweet. I would normally try to avoid sugar but I think I will need a pick me up tomorrow.

Thanks for all the "well done" posts, I'm so chuffed. I am sure I have taken a couple of nights off before (last year my dd was in hospital o/n for a couple of nights - funny didn't even think of drinking then) so goal is to get through today then on to day 3, I am sure there has never been a day 3 ever before.

Pleased to report the recycling has now gone, I'd like our guys to come in two weeks time and think "has she gone on holiday or something?" Hehe

Hello to haggis and many thanks for the welcome. Please don't feel like you are waffling by the way, I really enjoy reading peoples thoughts and experiences.

Clearhead - keep going lovely, remember that you want to do this and why. I have to keep reminding myself. Plus I am a miserable and argumentative drunk and hate the person I am when pissed.

Biggles - my dad and his do will be exactly like this, can't you have one? Or think I'm being boring while they slowly get absolutely wasted. I can handle them and look forward to observing what a mess they get into by the end of the evening. My only fear is going to be my abstinence being the focus of the entire evening iykwim? I will probably go with the medication option until I am ready to say anything to them.

Hi vezzie - I am only on day two so have yet to visit a pub I have already decided that I am going to ask the bar staff to make me a lovely non alcoholic cocktail :) other than that I love tonic water with ice and lemon.

My dad's DW not his "do" (stupid autocorrect)

Hi vezzie I usually have a red bull (!) or a J2O or grapefruit and tonic water! It is tricky

Biggles - belated happy birthday . That's sad that your friends can't be more supportive. Do they know your drinking was problematic? I have only told my friends I am doing 100 days as a sort of health challenge. But I will confide in some once I feel happy to.

Hi Vezzie! Very well done on day 3. Re drinks in pubs I ask for soda water and lime. At a cocktail bar I had a lovely limey mock tail which was good. I do get the fear though - what if there is actual alcohol in this by mistake. My first night out I said I was on strong painkillers I think. In practice though our non-drinking becomes very much a non-issue once those with their own drinking issues get stuck in or in the case of normal drinkers - they aren't even thinking about alcohol particularly.

Thank you! it was in May so I am almost used to being Five - oh! Oh yes, they are more than aware I had serious problems. We all did really, and I am certain some of them still do but just don't want to face up to it.

That, however, is their problem not mine . It's just a shame really as I would like to see some of them again. I can't though if one or two are being snidey and the rest trying to get me to drink :(

Hello everyone!

Well doe Pearl and Clear! I love how bubbly and happy you both are. :) Isn't being sober just great??!!

Hi vezzie! In pubs I order pineapple juice and lemonade if I need something sweet. If they have dry ginger i have that with lime.

On what to tell people- well, I have been wondering about that too. But today I had lunch with a boozy friend and when I turned wine down she said 'Oh that's right! Your New Year's resolution was to stop for a year!!! You are AMAZING!!!'. I had completely forgotten that this had indeed been my NY Resolution. So I was basking in unexpected praise.

So now I am just going to say that it was my NY Resolution to be AF for a year and its going great, thanks for asking.

Anyway, after a few false starts i have more or less been AF since the beginning of Lent. And..... tomorrow is my 1 month anniversary of when I decided to actually commit to it. DH is away, and he hates going to the cinema, so as a 1month anniversary treat to myself I have booked our baby sitter and I am taking myself out to see a film. I have not seen a film since Avatar came out.

As for non-supportive friends re not drinking Biggles- I truly believe that people who care or sneer at you not drinking are seriously worried about their own drinking habits. I really believe that. Normal drinkers really don't give a shit. Problem drinkers feel uncomfortable. I felt uncomfortable if people were not drinking and I was. I guess it is always possible to pretend you have a vodka tonic, and if someone offers to do the next round to say 'oh I'll just have tonic this time'.

Oh and on being AF..... last year my habit was to get back from the school run, pour the first glass and then just keep going until bottle number 1 was over and bottle 2 had started. I barely saw the summer as i barely went outside. This year, already we have been to the beach at least 7 times. We have had several days out. I have had about 10 picnic dinners out in the forest or at the park. I am thinking of taking DS camping. I feel like the whole world is coloured more brightly.

Oh, sorry, not saying YOU should pretend to have a vodka tonic Biggles- just sort of thinking out loud ' it's possible to' more a general suggestion thing for anyone who is not ready to make it clear to some friends yet.

Sorry, made it sound like i was specifically focusing on you Biggles, when I really was thinking out loud. (sorry). IYKWIM.

That's a nice post cornchips. The thought of living a half life is awful once you have got sober.

Biggles I had some hard times with friends too and I can remember being put on the spot to drink a disgusting booze which someone had brought back from holiday years ago.I said no and there was some nonsense about me having to drink it. Odd considering they have known me for years...

They have all come round, bar one drinking friend who isn't angry with me anymore but my relationship isn't close with her now. I have some friends who have never seen me pissed and I socialise with them mostly.

gah- that was garbbly,Ds decided to sit on my laptop and refused to get off.

Sober waves to all!
Thanks for the kind words about the blog and that you also identify with Zoe . I love Davina too and god knows how more bonkers she'd be if she was drinking!
Biggles have had a similar issue with snidey friends. Attended dinner and was not given any drinking glasses on the table and the host told us that they were going to give us toddler beakers with the word 'rehab' on the side :( Suffice to say we've not seen them since.
Drinks out tonic water with ice and slice as looks like G&T or V&T so don't get hassled.

Are you serious Lucy? Your 'friends' gave you toddler beakers???

That says an awful lot about them. I am speechless. I have a 'friend' who would think that is funny. She has a nasty streak too. Wow. [shakes head]

I realise my posts today sound a bit pink-cloudy. :) I have the type of personality that I always distrust happy feelings- as if it's all going to be taken away somehow. I am also hoping that beating the booze means I can take and enjoy my happiness where I find it. :) I am feeling pink cloudy. It's great.

Cornchips Pink cloud is good and what you describe about it being taken away is called 'foreboding joy'. It's something that Brene Brown talks about and there is a post on my blog about it :)
Thankfully the plastic toddler beakers were only verbally threatened not actually given and like you I was completely speechless although they thought they were being very funny

I'm off to read your blog Lucy. :)

I am taking the liberty of linking your blog post Lucy, hope you don't mind.

ahangoverfreelife.com/2013/12/03/pink-cloud-alert/

That really describes it well. I remember when I was young if i was happy various relatives would warn not to be 'too happy' because it would be taken away. When I have been happy I have told myself to calm down because 'it won't last'. Well- nothing lasts. I'm happy now and now is what's going on.

I am changing inside now. I have been stuck for so long repeating the same miseries and same habits. Sorry, this is garbled too- still thinking out loud so to speak.

Not at all cornchips the Brene/Oprah clip explains it really well & I so get it :)

Wow, those are some nasty friends, Lucy and Biggles. And yes, I bet x 1000 that they're problem drinkers. Nobody else cares, at all. It's like caring that someone has given up cake. Makes no difference to my life: more cake for me! Unless maybe I'm an overeater with shame around that, then I might want someone to join me in a cake binge.

Now I want cake.

Clearhead, well done! And this might sound very unlikely to you right now, but I promise you that the "the kids are being awful, I can't wait until I can have a glass of wine" thoughts don't exist for me any more - they went away around the two month mark. I still think in terms of reward sometimes ("Oh my God they're being horrible. I may need salt and vinegar crisps later") but I'm trying to work on the reward = consumption connection altogether. It goes away.

I think I will join you. Managed 6 months last year until my dad died. Then back on the terrible cycle of drinking. Go to AA but I just don't seem to want it enough, as in stop drinking.

I really hate myself at the moment. I am letting everyone down. My drinking is crazy. Don't drink for weeks then buy a box of wine, drink it and still need more.

I know when I don't drink I feel happier, and have more zest for life. At the moment my zest has gone. Not drinking, but coming down from a 4 day binge. I was so bad a year ago I had alcoholic psychosis, hearing things and seeing things. I don't want to go back there, but the thought of never drinking again scares me.

I am a professional woman in my 40's with a beautiful dd and a husband.

Good morning everyone. Day 3 has arrived.

Corn chips, thanks for the kind words. I am staying upbeat about this decision as I know it's the right one, I am sorely disappointed in myself as I have honestly been worried about my drinking for a few years now but did nothing to address it. I was thinking about it yesterday evening and I have likened my drinking to "self-flagellation" now I am just fed up with damaging myself.

I hope that you enjoyed your movie night, what did you see? I was thinking of going to the movies on Friday night, there's a film out this weekend my dd would love to see, and could be part of her weekend birthday treat (birthday Sunday)

Thinking this is amazing for me, before it would be resentment because it was taking up drinking time. I would also be desperate for film to end so I could get home and drink, I'm so ashamed of this. Certainly stopped me enjoying the evening films.

I also loved what you said about getting out and about more, I also spent too much time at home last year, thought my dd would be content with a swimming pool in the garden while I drank in the garden. FFS what a wasted life!

Started yoga yesterday, I used to do it many years ago and yesterday discovered just how horribly stiff I am, going to need to keep going with those stretches I think. Also baked a cake and cleaned the bloody oven, unprecedented! Today meeting dh for lunch and last minute shopping for bits for birthday weekend.

Flight dove - welcome, I am very new too and on early days. You have done it before and can do it again I am sure, have you done much reading? I absolutely hate that feeling of self loathing following a drinking session, hope you find the inspiration to stay sober this time round.

Hi everyone
I'm beginning to think my drinking is becoming a bit of an issue. I am drinking bottle wine every night and more at the weekend when I go out.
When I go out I wake up the next morning and can't remember most of the night and spend the day suffering.
I've had lots going on over the last 2 years, house moves, divorce, kids, upheaval, shit job and a serious injury.
I've been on antidepressants but life is starting to improve and settle down. I start a new job soon, ex is beginning to behave himself, I've moved house and away from ex, off the happy pills
It's become a habit and I keep thinking I'll stop when I go back to work, I'll just stop during week etc
I don't want to not not drink at all but aware I'm not exactly very healthy at the moment
I had so e bloods done last week and my liver levels were raised, dr said it was probably just because I'd drunk the night before however I know if I don't get this under control then it will be an issue

Hi I think realising and admitting its a problem is half the battle. I just want to be able to drink like other people, but I can't. And it feels unfair!

Afternoon all
Tortoise they are good people but coming from the heavy drinking past that I do my stopping holds up a mirror and their denial is just too entrenched. As childish and spiteful as their behaviour was I hope that they'll get over it and we can move on but time will tell. I was very hurt and saddened at the time.
Welcome from me to vezzie, flightdove, racmactac and any other new faces on the sober train I have inadvertently not namechecked. This carriage is getting full! :)