Being DRY

[Bigglesfliesundone]

This is the fourth thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol completely.

It's an arduous path at times, but we're still here!

We know how easy it is to slip, and how hard it can be to stay on the road, but we also know that we can't drink 'just one'.

The thread motto is 'Watch the film to the end'

Come and have a coffee!

that's amazing cornchips! Enjoy that pinkcloud

Yay for Cornchips!! Nothing like a pink cloud moment to make it all worthwhile :)

I was at the cinema at the 10am this morning with my girls. It felt so good that I was up and ready without feeling nauseous or with a banging head.

I spent the evening last night reading through all the blogs here as have only just joined you all and hadn't read them before. The writing in all of them is just amazing, everything resonating with me and hitting home, but then I had this horrible realisation that if they are describing being an alcoholic, then that's what I actually am. An alcoholic, like Lindsay Lohan or Russell Brand! Can't ever drink again.

It sounds crazy but even though I've joined this forum, and have been on other problem drinking sites, followed a years and years long pattern of drinking 2 bottles of wine every night/every other night, waking up at 4am with the fear and the anxiety, been told a few times by family/friends that I drink too much and booked myself into an nhs alcohol clinic - I still never actually said to myself 'you are an alcoholic'. There's just too much stigma attached to that title for me. Alcoholics drink in the morning, I don't. Alcoholics have red noses, I don't. Alcoholics lose their jobs and their homes, I haven't....I just thought my bingeing was a bit out of control - but that's the earlyish/mid stages of being an alcoholic isn't it? I don't want to be an alcoholic sorry for the moan (bit hormonal too at the moment!)

I really struggle with this too - even though it's coming up 10 months since I had my last drink. It's the finality of it - the can't ever drink again bit so I hear you thenamehaschanged If it helps the WHO doesn't use the term 'alcoholic' and has discouraged it's use since 1979 preferring alcohol dependence syndrome instead.

Thanks Lucy (10 months is amazing by the way!)

I just thought that it's only me that has started this and said no more. But that same me is also very capable of saying oh fuck it, what does one more night matter, I can start the abstinence again tomorrow....

I guess what i'm saying is that I don't have any faith in my strength of character yet, because it hasn't proved itself before, so the thought of 'never again...ever' is unsettling to say the least - and I have found myself thinking 'it's alright, of course you can have a drink if it all gets too much, who's going to stop you?'

This is just early days thinking isn't it?

the name I have been without a drink for just over 8 months and I still get that ' perhaps I could have one or two...' it is difficult to always remember how hideous I truly was!

I don't like the word alcoholic either. I always describe myself as having a 'problem with drinking' which is basically what it is!

All calm ish chez biggles today. I just had a moment really, menopausal, frustrated, all those things. Sports therapy bloke ( a proper 'oooh young maaan' minute was great. He explained why I was injured ( not running properly) and told me what to do (which involves pain...) however, I now know it will get better and can go and see him if I need to ( and have a spare £30!) mind you thirty quid is a few packets of cigarettes and a bottle so I think I may treat myself to more pain next month!

Day off tomorrow as your de France shutting the city down (outed myself there!) dh has two free passes for his gym so going there with him and dd for a swim and coffee in the morning.

I hope everyone has had a great peaceful weekend .

I'm envious Biggles Id love to get a glimpse of the Tour de france. :)

thename i often think 'fuck it start again' too.

I am shattered today. We were in bed by midnight, and up at 7, but DS had a nap this afternoon and is now bouncing off the walls. I am trying to persuade him he needs his bed time story in my bed so I can GO to bed!!!!

Night night everyone. :) Hope everyone has a peaceful, happy healthy, content week.

thename a case of the 'fuck it's' is always my biggest threat
Biggles I think we may live near to each other as the Tour is shutting down my local city tomorrow too ......
Night cornchips

Hi all,

I have only been checking in on this thread sporadically but to be honest I am not needing the daily support right now as I am really enjoying my alcohol free time. I am 6 months and 4 days dry now and feeling pretty good about it. Sadly other areas of my life are suffering but that can't be helped.

I am enjoying the lack of hangovers and the fact that I remember all conversations on a night out! Last night I went out for a friends birthday in South London and we had a great meal then went to a cocktail bar where I had several very tasty virgin cocktails :)

I haven't really lost weight but I have been eating more so I am using the last 6 months of this year to really get on top of my weight which is not great.

The thing I am struggling most with since giving up drinking is my mental health. I guess I buried a lot of stuff with alcohol and now everything has to be dealt with without having a release and I am struggling.

Evening all,

biggles and lucy I MAY know which town you are talking about. Might be my locality too...

In all seroiusness,if we are talking about then same place them it is somewhere which has a BIG drink problem,not just with young people either.

nikki much sympathy. I had a lot to contend with when I stopped drinking all kinds of memories had to be dealt with. it got better because I gave myself the chance to heal up rather than continue to drink.Good luck,it wasn't easy,but much better than pretending those things hadn't happened.

Would you all mind if I joined? I was part of a thread which was on chat but that has disappeared now.

I have been 'pretty' dry for just over six weeks. I had been trying to cut down for a long time, managing a few days at a time then having a few more back on it. I had a bad drink related incident 6weeks ago and I was so affronted by my behavior and the implications of my drinking that apart from one glass of wine I haven't drunk since.

I am seeing our local drug and alcohol service for help, so far I've found it hard (I have to make myself go) but I'm going to stick with it. My drinking started as a coping mechanism but then latterly was really an addiction. I am trying to learn to cope in different ways, it's not easy but I am determined to change.

Reading posts on here really helps, I like to feel inspired and also to feel that I am not alone. I feel quite lonely sometimes as I know people who don't have a problem like mine think that stopping drinking is an easy thing to do, they don't have the same internal conflict with it I do.

I've told my friends why I'm not drinking but I am still so worried about all the summer events. It is so helpful to read here others having nights out AF and managing, even enjoying themselves!

Thanks to you all.

How funny! I'm fed up with it already! Just saying to dh bet loads of bikes get nicked today as no one's allowed to cycle into town .

In some ways I'd really like to wander along but I really struggle in crowds so best not.

Maybe academia and drinking are correlated?! Steering well clear of the place myself
Imfeckin welcome! glad drugs and alcohol service is helping :) You are so not alone - if my blog stats are anything to go by then there are literally thousands of us out here

Welcome Impenfeckitigo (have I spelt that right) and Nicki. I'm kind of dreading the whole raw emotional stuff that I guess is on its way. But I'm still 100% convinced thar my life is much much better without alcohol.

Hi all

Have been reading this

www.amazon.co.uk/Anatomy-Epidemic-Bullets-Psychiatric-Astonishing/dp/0307452425

It's terrifying and upsetting.
And it is making me more ok about my mum not paying any attention to my MH issues when I was younger.

I think if I had ended up in "the system" so young I would be in a much worse state now.

(I am only talking about my circumstances - not at all making any attempt to talk about anyone else - or criticising others' treatment)

I think I have to accept that I am a difficult person. I do accept it, I can accept it. I have highs and lows. Things get me down, things bring me up. I need time alone, I need creative activities, I need really special relationships with really clever intuitive people and I need them not to be too overwhelming. I need exercise, fresh air, music, and time to have those things. And even if I take the best care ever, I am always going to be a bit weird and difficult.

BUT! - I am who I am. I am difficult, but I am also clever, loyal, honest, creative, and conscientious. That's ok! That's pretty good. I think we live in a time of looking for perfection. I am never going to be perfect.

Welcome all new people
Have a good day all

I have been lurking on this thread for a while, just interested. However something has happened to me that has made me want to be DRY.

I think you ladies can help.

I am not going into detail what brought me here to post but basically I want to stop drinking. Stop being the person in makes me and live my life not in a constant hangover or feeling shame over my actions.

I grew up around family who drank lots apparently my family has the gene that makes you drink. My mum destroyed my family life growing up and I had a glimpse that I might be about to do that to my children. I will not let that happen. That was enough for me to say no more. I will win. I never want my children to miss out or feel the hurt or shame I did. I want them to have their mum there for them. 100%. Not hungover. Not apologising. Not arguing with their Dad. They are my priority. In their eyes I saw the girl I was growing up and remembered how upset it made me feel. I vowed I never ever wanted to see that look again in MY childrens eyes. Ever again.

That is why I am here. I dont want to feel alone. I want to know other women like me who just cant have one drink and the alcohol controls them rather than me controlling the drink.

So hello everyone.

Welcome cleareyes!

Welcome cleareyes. :)

welcome imfeckin and nikki. :)

Love having new people joining us.

All okay here. Hope everyone is having a great day.

cleareyes I can relate to what you say. When I was growing up, DM suffered from deep untreated depression, and also drank too much. Not an alcoholic, but her whole personality changed when she had a few - still does. One thing that motivates me is that i never want my son to feel about me and his childhood as i feel about her and mine.

Welcome from me too. It is good to have new people here. I like to think everyone here has a story which can help and motivate. There's no judging, but lots of appropriate ranting!!

Stopping abusive drinking is like walking away from an abusive relationship. Sometimes you think you should just give him a call, just to see if he's changed, if you can try again, but, in this particular relationship, you really shouldn't pick up that phone. There are plenty of other things you can do, just don't be tempted to give it another go!

You probably will though, most of us have, only to find that your instincts were right. The way the relationship makes you feel is the same. Great at first, but after a while it's out of your control and a bit scary.

Living a way from it is also scary but you'll get stronger every day, and here there are plenty of people in various stages of this.

Get in that cinema and watch the film to the end

Hi everyone, welcome Clear :) I hear you about alcoholic mums and the damage it does and the being painfully aware of doing the same to our kids that they did to us.

Mine has never gone a night without a bottle of wine, ever, I have never known an alcohol free evening for my parents apart from when she had her gall bladder out. I went to see her at 4pm the day she left hospital and there she was under a duvet on the sofa, glass of red in one hand, fag in the other! I laughed at the time but I've also detested her at other times, the drunken rows with my drunk dad, crawling into my bed to sleep with me after the row stinking of stale wine - the complete and utter denial, the total focus on alcohol, it being the first priority - she's answered the phone to me a couple of times on a weekend when she really shouldn't have been answering the phone in the state she was in and it hurts hearing her like that so I avoid phoning. She has undiagnosed depression from losing her mum when she was 15 and from being in a verbally abusive marriage all these years - and I am completely following in her footprints, abusive marriage and all. It's true what they say, children learn by example and copy your example.

On a lighter note I was cornered by a mum in the playground this afternoon about the mums drinks this week that I'm dreading. Come and join all us nutters she joked, wine very much needed etc etc. I was like 'yeah sure, looking forward to it' - nightmare! I'm new at this school, only been there 4 weeks, I'm new to the area too, I want to make friends, I'm going to need to as I foresee my marriage ending by the end of the year and I've always been successful at making friends because of my relaxed, people pleasing, up for a good time exterior. Now I've got to approach new people sober, not join in on their bonding, come across as a bit of a buzz kill party pooper and no doubt be swiftly left out at the next mums night.

Needless to say the internal heave-ho tug of war has been in full swing this afternoon!

(tentative wave) Hello!

Another newbie here, bit difficult to type out the full story right now as I have DH here and he often hovers around me when I am on the internet. Right now he is in the other room talking to our youngest.

I NEED so badly to stop drinking, over the weekend I read the entire thread by JWN which prompted all of these support threads (I wonder what happened to her btw, has she had a NC is she still posting? is MIFLAW still around?) so inspirational as I have been where she was a number of times. Yesterday I started reading this one and today I finished it. I have just finished what I hope is going to be my last wine box...tomorrow I am NOT buying anymore..I am so going to need hand holding though.

I am 43 and have been sinking far too much white wine every day for too many years, I always buy boxes as they are easier to hide in the recycling (got embarrassed at my glass recycling box a long time ago now)

This thread, and the people posting here have given me so much inspiration and hope. The support you all offer each other has had me a bit teary at times today, the wins and fails, I have read them all and nodded along...

Child of two alcohol dependent parents who still drink to excess, dread going to visit my Dad as it always involves a very messy alcohol fuelled emotional clear out session. He has recently returned from Spain and hassling us to go and visit. There is a long long history with my parents I cannot go into right now but I will, I need to.

For now, thanks for your time and I am so glad to have finally posted, I feel like I know you all well already so can i take a seat beside you all on this journey into living sober? day 1 starts tomorrow.. feel nervous but actually ok right now (but then I have been drinking so its a fake ok, I know)

Hi thenamehaschanged just go for it. I bet that there will be other non drinkers,even if it's because they are pregnant.
Maybe consider the alternative scene,this may not apply to you but i was always the 'hilarious one' because I was always pissed first. I wasn't rowdy or horrible but I embarrassed myself over and over again. I'm really not saying that you would drink too much but how wonderful would it be if the new group of mums labelled you as 'friendly' 'interesting' 'relaxed' rather than 'the one who got pissed'

I enjoy staying sober with drinking friends now, doesn't bother me. I can say 1000 stupid things without the aid of alcohol and I'm not a buzz kill by any means. I tend to bail out when drinkers get argumentative which is a good thing,people remember and mock the pissed mums not the ones who stayed in control.

Good luck whatever you decide to do and I hope I haven't offended- I didn't mean to imply that you would behave stupidly.

welcome pearl well done for thinking about your drinking habit. Both threads are amazing and JWN deserves a medal.

How about making some plans for tomorrow,getting some soft drinks and something nice to eat. I had to white knuckle it when I first got sober so I went to bed very early with a book until the cravings stopped. They passed quickly. Good luck,you won't regret ditching the wine habit.

Yay lots of new faces :) Welcome from me and looking forward to getting you know.
As for me my dad is a recovering alcoholic of 17 years and my step dad was an alcoholic, probably my mum too really, so grew up with same abusive daily drunk arguing parents as you Clear and Pearl. Was also heading down the same path and had the same moment of horror when I connected some of my behaviour to how I felt as a child when my mum did the same thing and hence here I am

Haha not at all offended Guggenheim! I had the piss head reputation at the kids old school! You're so right and refreshing, thanks for that - I'm probably being a tad self absorbed about all of this, of course there'll probably be a couple of mums there who don't drink, it's just I always tend to seek out the crazy ones to sit with!

Aw hi pearl welcome! I'm fairly new too, only been here a week but joining here has opened up all the fascinating blogs and sites to me that I wouldn't have found otherwise and these have been such a help. You 'know' when you've had enough, it's not really enjoyable, it's sad, anaesthetic drinking, a coping method probably passed on by our parents. I want to be the first in my family to break this cycle. I mostly think I can, but then other times I really worry I can't - it's taking every day or even every hour at a time in the early days isn't it? Joining here definitely very positive first step! X