Being DRY

[Bigglesfliesundone]

This is the fourth thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol completely.

It's an arduous path at times, but we're still here!

We know how easy it is to slip, and how hard it can be to stay on the road, but we also know that we can't drink 'just one'.

The thread motto is 'Watch the film to the end'

Come and have a coffee!

Not sure about the carb and alcohol thing although I'm sure that someone else here will have the answer :)
Don't know if any of you read Unpickled's blog but she's got a blinding post today, where I learned something new about myself: dermatillomania! You can read it here: unpickled.wordpress.com/2014/07/01/3-years-sober-what-its-like-for-me

I am no expert on the carb/alcohol thing, but I suppose a link would make sense given that alcohol is basically sugar. Lots of people seem to find their intake of/cravings for sweet, carby food goes up massively after giving up drinking. Not sure if it's because the body misses the sugar that was in alcohol or because we translate our addictive behaviour elsewhere (my gut feel is the latter). So just be aware of that, Namechanged and try not to beat yourself up if you end up gaining weight to start with; most of us did. Over time it tends to settle down though - not a reason not to kick the booze!!

Hi all. Just checking in to say nighty night really. Not been posting, just reading.
RL has taken over somewhat and am a bit in crisis mode (too boring to talk about) and am by no means dry (so shouldn't really be here maybe) but drier in my thinking if that helps.
I am thinking of you all, especially you Mab, as what you write often resonates with me. I get that feeling of cuddling my baby boy and worrying how much I am going to miss those cuddles when he is grown and gone. I am single, but I know you can feel even lonelier married sometimes.
I was also thinking about the thing you wrote a while back about drinking even when you felt really good, to almost numb the elation. I read that on the bus to work and I was going "yes! I know!" In my head, obvs. The bus doesn't need more nutters.
Maybe that feeling of energy and joy is scary? I know I am a person, sans hangover, with an abundance of energy, and sometimes I don't know where to put it all. My mind goes a mile a minute, and I am restless. Wine slows me down, blurs everything, and I feel like I need that or....what? I don't know. A good friend of mine once made reference to my ADD, and I said "what ADD?", to which she went so maybe that's whats wrong with me!
Anyway.
Off to bed. Tomorrow is a new day x Sweet dreams lovely sober and soon to be sober ladies.

stayingdry no, nobody here is a pushover. I just think that a very essential part of recovery is learning how to get our needs met in other, non-alcoholic, ways. And the first step there is to recognise our needs as legitimate in the first place.

I read something the other day disputing the alcohol-is-sugar thing, actually. I mean, it kind of is, but actually the amount of sugar in a bottle of wine is not that much, so the sugar binges aren't quite what we think they are; they're their own thing. I'll go try and find it.

Hi guys. Long-term lurker, first-time poster. I am at the point now where I think I must be almost daring myself to see how bad things can get - because it could be worse it doesn't 'count'?! Or waiting for the 'hit rock bottom and bounce back' narrative so many books have??

Whatever it is, it needs to stop. It could be worse but it is already so awful - I have put (am putting), the DCs through unimaginable torture. The most I've managed for, oh, months and months is ten days (ten days!), not drinking. I really don't want to drink today. Or tomorrow. Or the next day. But I am going to concentrate on today.

(I am in a different time zone to the UK so it's just gone midnight here. Doubt I'll sleep tonight so will be hanging out online while I wait for the shakes to start).

lastday..welcome
1st day, stay strong and just focus on the now . like you say just one day at a time.
I remember in my first days standing looking at booze in shops and repeatedly in my head the phrase, ,1 drinks too many, 20s not enough.
just think how great you'll feel telling us you've done your 1st day x

Big welcome from me too, lastday. I remember when I first heard the phrase 'I was sick and tired of being sick and tired'. Just makes so much sense, doesn't it? And in terms of the 'bad enough' thing, I get it - but it's such bonkers alcoholic thinking really, isn't it? Like we want to suffer more before we stop having a hellish life… Stick with us - we'll be up through your night so can do some virtual hand holding!!

thanks guys :) I am a massive coward really - 'too many' amends to make, things to face, so I keep digging this hole instead. So clever eh! I have really got a lot out of this thread as a lurker over the past couple of weeks - so many thanks to all of you for sharing your stories. You are all massively inspiring.

Morning,just checking in to say how wonderful it is to wake up sober. Not just hangover free but knowing I will not drink today.My relapse had more of an impact than I wanted to admit and I'm finding that as I gain more sober time that I am thinking in a clearer way,I find anxiety difficult but I am working on ways to deal with that too.

My relapse did not wipe out all the things I had learned in recovery- rubbish to suggest that it takes you back to day one! But I suppose it halted my progress and took me back to an earlier stage of sobriety for a short time.

This may not make much sense- sorry! But I would encourage anyone who has lapsed to ignore the idea that all is lost and just give sobriety another go.It's working out really well for me- I am a very grateful recovering alcoholic and will not drink today.

Lastdayone hello from me too and here's to day 1 :) You mentioned shakes so just wanted to ask whether you've spoken to your Dr about stopping so that they might be able to support you? Just a thought.

Good morning! Guggenheim that's how I feel too this morning! Feel like I can some stuff done rather than lounging about hungover all day! Well done you for not letting a little relapse destroy all your previous good work.
Hi lastday - I'm new here too love, but definitely not new to failed attempts at stopping drinking or the overwhelming feelings of panic and guilt. Sick of tired of being sick and tired is such a good saying. I also like one drink equals a drunk! Have one, you'll have twenty! (Each and every time with me!) so the trick is not to have that first one - easy right! A good way of getting through a craving is when you get one, look up at the sky or ceiling, whatever's above you, and take a few long deep breaths. It distracts your mind and the craving passes quicker.

Good morning all. I hope the appointment goes well tomorrow namechanged. It does seem as though your thinking around drinking has shifted and that is a brilliant move forward.

I went to on a mini holiday last week, a bit of an event, with some friends. I have been dreading it for months but it was surprsingly good fun. I had my 'I am happy and sober' mantra buzzing around my head which was helpful as there was so much booze floating about it was staggering. I have found that my people pleasing tendencies have diminished since I decided to be AF so when people started egging me on to have a beer (!!) I went for a walk. I was grateful as well that I had my tape playing out right in front of me, but I know that if I picked up a drink I would have probably ruined the whole thing.

Anyway, day 110 today, and while it still feels like early days, it feels very freeing (without sounding massively wanky!)

Doesn't sound remotely wanky. It IS freeing. Hugely. Bloody relief not to be having the endless internal dialogue, bargaining, remorse etc. Well done making it through the holiday intact. These things can seem so scary at the beginning, but once we have one or two under our belt we know it can be done and it's not such a big deal either. Really happy to hear you sounding so chipper.

just worked out my sober days and if I can get through to bedtime tonight that'll be 300 days

That is fantastic, well done. I am determined to get there. I am wondering if I should stop counting days and just be dry, but it still seems new.

I am 2 years and 5 months and it still feels relatively new to me!

Hi all. HI to new sobersisters

I have relapsed I'm afraid. Not drinking, that urge is easier to deal with, but BLOODY smoking. I don't know why - actually I do, I can't run for another two weeks and it's like I don't care anymore. When I was running I could feel myself breathing and get all the 'rush' from it, but now, I just feel like what's the point. I have nothing else to do sort of thing and I'm so angry that I'm spiting my body :( ridiculous. I'm only smoking two or three a day, but that's purely because I can't let anyone know. Bloody hell. arghhhhhhh

I have't run now for nearly a month. It's pissing me off big time :(

Massive sympathy to you, Biggies!! It is just RUBBISH not being able to exercise. I do so feel for you. The good news is it's fags not booze. Also that it's only 2/3 a day - not enough to really get hooked so you can just ditch it when you feel able. Can you do massive walks (at fast pace) ?Realise not the same thing, but can get heart rate up and is (maybe) better than nothing xxx

Thank you. I'm able to use my cross trainer which I'm doing but it's just not the same. I have the children wittering as I'm trying to it, even if i close the playroom door (for that is where it is, only space!) and stick my headphones on I have had 4 today and have one left so will have that and just stop. I hope. Just feels awful. I had been doing so well, so proud of myself and now...I know I have to stop for it to be better, but I don't wannaaaaaa

katie..thankyou, really chuffed I find counting each day works for me . I cross each day off in my diary, used to do it religiously but got abit lapse this week or 2, let life take over.
biggles, just a suggestion, could you go swimming till you can run again ?

Thanks Kate, that is a massive achievement you've just made, going away with friends who are all drinking and you not giving in! Amazing! (I am so nowhere there yet!)
Don't beat yourself up Biggles! At least it was a fag and not a drink!
Congratulations everyone, you're all doing so amazingly well!
It's easy for me to sit here in the safety of my home without any temptation around me sounding like my attitude towards drinking has changed - I've been here a few times over the years. Faced with a challenge like yours Kate, going away with drinking friends, I don't think I would have passed the test. I'm naturally rebellious and self destructive so I would have probably undone all my good work and then continued the bender for another year until I try and face the demon again.
But, I've never sought proper help before so I'll see tomorrow.
Had a call from 'H' he's out on a bender for 3 nights with pals who are visiting and staying with him. He lives away in the week and then comes here at some point at the weekend. My immediate thought was to get some bottles of white in the fridge so I can at least feel some fun and 'release' while I sit in again, on my own, with the kids. But I'm not going to. I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I need out of this dysfunctional marriage and getting properly sober is the first step.
Love and light everyone x

I had an ally on the holiday, someone who knew that if I was struglling would walk me around or to the beach so I had to call on her a couple of times. I have also stopped trying to convince people that I have a drinking problem, which is what I was doing, as people found it hard to hear, for whatever reason. I have not 'cracked' it though, and I know I never will.

Asking for external help will be very reassuring and hopefully you will get the support that works for you. I wstill get upset and a bit confused at the of having to think about this every day; that still gives me a little sucker punch when it pops into my head in a needling and aggressive little way. I do not like the little phrases that go with recovery but I suppose the 'one day at a time' is so common because it breaks down the 'ever'. If that makes any sense.

FWIW, I used to loathe most of the recovery lingo .Found it trite and irritating. Weirdly, the longer I am sober the more I (grudgingly) accept they are quite useful and wise. The one I refuse to entertain, though, is 'fake it to make it'. Recovery needs to be about honesty if nothing else.

Hmm my last message was garbled! I also hate the 'fake it to make it', what is the point? In week one I was 'one hour at a time' and that got me through a good many weekends.