Being DRY

[Bigglesfliesundone]

This is the fourth thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol completely.

It's an arduous path at times, but we're still here!

We know how easy it is to slip, and how hard it can be to stay on the road, but we also know that we can't drink 'just one'.

The thread motto is 'Watch the film to the end'



Come and have a coffee!

[nochips01]

mab I am so thrilled you are enjoying it!

I agree that it was mindblowing to me that all the things I do are apparently so common.

One thing it has changed for me..... it has made me look at my terribly disordered eating habits and I am giving myself permission to eat- but choosing wonderful, fresh, healthy foods. The links between binge eating and binge drinking really spoke to me.

[allhailqueenmab]

for me it is really important to see my overdrinking as one side of a triangle. i have always felt a little uncomfortable with the blithe implication that as an alcoholic, all my problems will go away if I stop drinking. I know drinking is a problem and I have to stop - I am not trying to get off that hook! - but I also know that it is part of a bigger picture and it is such a relief to see it written down.

the key thing that has blown my mind this morning is the expression "self-focused coping" - not telling anyone what is bothering you, putting on a show of being fine, and turning things over and over in your head - which leads to self destructive behaviours.

As you all on this thread know, I am an addiction book junkie. But I think this may be the most important book I read this year

[MistressofPemberley]

Urgh. Feeling horrid today. Went for a very indulgent meal last night and I think it was too much for my vice-free body. I feel like I have a hangover. Very nauseous and a pounding headache. I'm a being a rubbish mum today.

CAN NOT believe I did this to myself on a regular basis up until 10 weeks ago. Never again.

[merce]

Oh poor you, Mistress!! I wonder if it was too much caffeine, chocolate etc. Just mainline some Neurofen and give it time. As you say ,thank God that isn't your daily experience of mornings anymore… And try not to beat yourself up about being a rubbish mum. We are all snappy sometimes - and actually I think there is no harm in children realising that no one is perfect and that parents get run ragged sometimes. I tend to apologise to mine when I am grumpy with them. Actually think it makes them feel more able to apologise themselves when they need to. Just wish I could persuade DH to do the same when he is short-tempered and foul to them, but that's another story/thread……!

Funnily enough, I woke up this morning and found myself feeling hugely grateful that I was waking up with a clear head. You are so right that is it just bonkers that somehow we thought it was normal/acceptable/worth it to wake up feeling like death most days. Insane thinking…..

[hyperhops]

evening all. this is my third dry friday now...and it does get easier.
I had a couple of moments, like when a colleague at work was talking about going home and sitting in the garden with a nice cold glass of wine....
but I have sat in the garden with a nice cold glass of raspberry lemonade,and, as Im not drunk, have actually managed to do one or two useful things with my evening! Ive got couple of bags of summer clothes down from the loft and stuck some washing on , then had a very nice half hour potting up my new delivery of plug plants that arrived
Im now going to do a nice snuggly bedtime for ds2 (have a new book to read) then I promised dd 3 and 4 a chapter of their book. It feels so good that Im able to do those things on a Friday evening
Hope everyone else is coping ok with Friday
skippy did you find something nice for your evening? Hope you're hanging in there.

[behindthescentedcandless]

Yep, all good here. Feel like the summer is going to be hard, something about long hot summer days... but raspberry lemonade and being useful sound good too. I love the extra time with the dc. And the lack of hangovers! X

[RachaelAgnes]

Hi!

Sorry I've been away so long - and sorry I can't name check, on my phone.

Well, after completing lent and my blip on Easter Sunday, I have now built back up to 27 days - up until now I haven't found it too difficult.

My DP is in for his surgery (kidney and tumour removal) on Monday, and I'm craving more and more a massive bottle of wine.....I feel the need to blot it out, and I would pass out and get some sleep.

BUT I'm not going to do it. I need to be there for him, not absent through drink.

I'm finishing a night shift shortly, another tonight - that gives me Sunday night to get through. As we have to be at the hospital early on Monday I'll be taking the 'early to bed' option, and then I've made it!!

Hope everyone is well and strong - will catch up with the thread at some point today

[Bigglesfliesundone]

so good to have you back Rachael. I hope your husband's surgery goes OK . You must be so worried staying so bed is the best thing you can do..

thinking of you x

[Bigglesfliesundone]

sober, not so bed!!

[SlippedDisco]

Day 72 and it's been hard going from the moment I opened my eyes - I've thought about getting shitfaced all day long, my head feels tormented and I don't know why this day has been different from any other but I feel so agitated and unsettled

I've been asking myself what the point is, telling myself I wasn't that bad, surely I can control myself, I've gone this long without so why not etc etc.....I know the answer to all of that, deep down, I think I'm just shocked at this bastard monkey on my back after all this time, thought it had fucked off for good, gah.

Sorry to go on, but here feels a safe place to offload.

Lovely to see you back Rachael, wishing your DH all the best for his surgery

[skippy84]

Hi everyone, day 9 here and still feeling positive and no cravings worth speaking of. Went to an AA meeting on Friday, everyone was very kind but I'm not sure if it's the approach for me. Will keep an open mind and go back a few times, I'm sure it's no harm and who knows it might help. Still a bit moody was very irritable earlier but comes with the territory I guess. Loving being fresh in the mornings though. Who knew I'm actually a morning person when not chronically hungover

[Bigglesfliesundone]

know that feeling slipped disco[e I just wanted to sit in the garden with wine or cider or lager or anything really . Ruddy warm weather.

but.

I finally know that it would be an absolute disaster. Instead, I foolishly decided to run what a splendid idea on the hottest day of the year. still, it certainly meant any thoughts of dehydrating myself with alcohol were shotnfor a few hours!!

It's hard, it really is and dh has been out for a few drinks and we don't have dd tonight so could have gone out, but I just didn't want to risk it. Sometimes it's just trickier than others.

[allhailqueenmab]

Hi
sorry to hear about your bad day, SlippedDisco. is it hot where you are? Does that have anything to do with it? What do you have to do now - any chance you can cut your losses and take yourself to bed? I fucking hate those days. at day 72 I am filled with admiration for you.

glad you are feeling good skippy.

hi everyone else. thinking of you and your husband, Rachael.

I struggle with the heat. It wasn't making me want to drink today, although it reminded me how everything that bothers me can be made a bit more fuzzy with alcohol: feeling fat in the sun, feeling sticky with suncream and glarey with the light coming in around my sunglasses, too many people everywhere, children always asking for something etc etc... zoning out with a cold lager makes it all feel easier but then worse later.

I do love the evenings though when it all mellows out. Warm evenings almost make the brutal days worthwhile. We went to an outdoor event 12 - 3 which was horrific. A normal UK May day would have been fine but it was too much for me today - had it been in Spain it would never have been scheduled for that time, everyone would have been curled up in the shade drinking something cool and fruity.

Good luck everyone

[allhailqueenmab]

x-posts biggles. Hang in there

Stay strong everyone x

[merce]

Hi everyone.

Rachel, I really feel for you. Must be horrendously tough. You are being so brave and strong. Brilliant that you are determined to stay sober and be present for your DP. Hope you realise how proud of yourself you should be.

SlippedD - sorry you've had such a shit day. Here is TOTALLY the place to offload. Such a joy being able to be honest… I guess some days are just like that as Biggies said. I have been like a psychotic bitch the past few days - deeply premenstrual. Weirdly not really craving a drink, but definitely feeling angry with everyone in totally unreasonable way. Tolerance around DCs pretty much nil. I always feel so ashamed of myself when I am short and impatient with them. I suppose need to remember at least I am sober so way better than how it was, but still don't want to let myself off the hook.

Skippy - so glad to hear you are doing so well and feeling so bright. I think right attitude to AA. Just give it a go - nothing to lose - nice people and another place to offload I guess. SO agree about the mornings. That is the best time for me. Firstly because I am naturally a morning person (when not chronically hungover!) and secondly because no one is drinking at that time so just not an option/conversation/issue if that makes sense.

Kids going to bed later and later these days (not helped by the long days) which I find hard as it means I get zero time to myself (which I desperately need for my sanity).

Wishing everyone a good evening x

[nochips01]

morning all. Nothing much to report here except that I have woken up angry and annoyed with the world! Am trying to finish a work project. DS has been unwell. DH was supposed to take over his care yesterday but his tolerance for a sub-par grizzling child is non existent hence I have been up since 4 am towork and I am extremely pissed off about that.

Made some raspberry lemonade yesterday.

Rachael your strength at not drinking during this time very deeply impresses me.

Have Caroline Knapps book 'Drinking A love Story' next to read. Has anyone read it?

[merce]

That having to step in and take over when a DH/DP is unwilling unable to cope with a grizzling child is just INFURIATING isn't it? You can't just step back and watch them be vile so have to take over. And then just simmer with resentment!! Had quite a bit of that myself over the past couple of days. Feel for you. Raspberry lemonade sounds good.

FUN NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK DISCOVERY (klaxon sound)…. I once had a really nice and VERY grown up tasting non-alcoholic drink in Italy and had forgotten what it was called. Found it yesterday in Carluccios - they sell little individual takeaway portions. Called San Bitter. It's a raspberry colour and you'd think it would be sweet, but it's anything but. It is almost like a Martini in that it's really strong and sort of sour. You have to sip it slowly. If you put an olive in it it really feels like a proper grown up drink. My top tip.

[Bigglesfliesundone]

morning for some reason I have woken up in a really down mood. No idea why! gah.

anyway, yes I have read the Caroline Knapp book - it's very good, very wordy and deep sort of thing (words not coming easily this morning!) my mother is home now...so, I have to go over today with shopping and sympathy. Not exactly overjoyed at the prospect!

another hot day looming. Off to pick dd up from her friends house first then mothers, then home for a lounge in the garden!

Have a fan sober day all x

[Sorcha1966]

Hi biggles sorry to have been so absent and quiet - still plodding on, less depressed and anxious but still not back at work. Have some HUGE decisions to make about my life and can't face them at the moment.

One day at a time

Its been 202 days so far ...

[skippy84]

Can I ask for a link to the raspberry lemonade recepie? Day 10 here, finally in double digits

[Fontella]

Hi all,

Just checking in. I've now been dry four months and 18 days, and rarely think of booze to be honest. Quite remarkable considering how much a part of my life it has been for decades.

Will I ever drink again? I genuinely don't know and something that has happened with my neighbour recently has really made me think about 'forever' and how vulnerable we all are.

She packed up smoking 14 years ago. When I moved here she was always outside having a fag. She then very methodically and systematically gave up using patches - cutting down and doing it all by the book. I admired her discipline so much - me I carried on puffing away for another 10 years after that before I too packed up.

So imagine my complete and utter shock when I looked out the other day and saw her puffing away on a ciggie!! It was like turning the clock back 14 years. I said to her 'why? Why after all this time' and she played it down and said ' 'oh I only have the odd couple' but, is really sad because she is not in good health already, and starting smoking again is really not a good idea.

She can't explain why she has started again after all these years, I think there may be some family issues going on - I don't know, it's not my business to pry, but it really makes you think that someone could abstain from something for so long and then fall back.

[LoveSardines]

Hi all

Just checking in. I feel bad that i seem to have dived in here when I wanted to stop and got so much support and now I'm just dropping by and saying hi sometimes. I do still read the thread and keep up to date and feel so pleased for those who are AF and such empathy with those who are struggling, it's a hard hard thing but so many on here have got there in the end - rarely first try and rarely in one "go" - this has been coming on for years for me, more or less since I first started drinking TBH!

Fontella your neighbour - it is shocking but it's easily done. I think anyone who has had an addiction needs to be vigilant, not super-aware all the time but just knowing what the triggers are and having things in place to cope with them even if they start to come years apart.

I gave up smoking in 05 and had recently started again when I was out drinking - another reason to stop drinking. I like the smell of cigarettes and feel like I want one quite a lot at the moment - not sure why it has started after all these years. Maybe as something to be addicted to instead of drink... Don't know.

I am going to stick to food as the lesser of all these evils, well try anyway.

Been out in the evening with people drinking quite a bit recently and has been fine - I am worried that the novelty will wear off or something - something has to go wrong soon this has been much less difficult than I was expecting.

Think it's about 2 months Toying with the idea of AA meetings near work in my lunch break.

Hope you are all enjoying the sunshine, much love to all xx

[hyperhops]

hi all
extremely tired tonight. Very busy weekend , and lots of time in the garden in the sun.. Had a bbq for dd2 bday yesterday and did find it hard for a bit not to have a nice glass of wine in my hand - but I survived!
sadly things are terrible between me and dh at the moment. Lots of ling standing issues really but I suppose that not drinking and blurring them all out means they are all just much more visible and I can't ignore them any more...not sure how to resolve really, but at least I can now tackle things with a clear head, even if it is making me feel quite fed up today.

rachel hope dps surgery goes well. You are being so brave and doing so well. hang in there.

skippy well done on double digits!

[RachaelAgnes]

Everyone - thank you for your kind words and wishes!

I'm coping by baking and cleaning, the house looks and smells wonderful!

Early to bed tonight, and hospital at 7:30 tomorrow.

Keep going folks, we can do this sober malarkey!

[allhailqueenmab]

Hi all

I struggled yesterday. Headache, bored, irritable, hate that scratchy feeling of not being able to focus on anything with two dcs. Everything we want to do is out of step for one of them.
They are only 2 years apart but that is a big difference when one of them wants to do intricate cutting and sticking with a definite end result and the other one desperately wants to be a part of it but is just too little and uncoordinated and impulsive. I know there are ways of managing this and I try to use them, but it takes full on concentration and patience all the time. I fantasise alternately about just having the one of them: how lovely and relaxing it would be to get deeply into one activity of exactly the right level.

(This problem seems to go away when they play together without me; I think it is because dd1 is happy to meet dd2 at her level under those circumstances, but when she is with me, she wants me to help her to do things at the top of her capabilities)


I did not drink but the blues are gathering hard overhead. I am wondering about PAWS; depression; even untreated PND (although my youngest is 3, for heaven’s sake); another post-viral dip from this cold that won't go away; general psychological hypochondria; bad relationship syndrome; whatever. It doesn’t matter what label could or couldn’t be slapped on my tendency to feel pretty shit a large part of the time. It is just there and I have to deal with it. It's damaging my enjoyment of the sunshine because I am just worried about clothes and being fat. I keep going over and over in my head what I have to wear and whether it is enough for work and what I can do about it, etc etc. Doing my legs at 10.30 pm last night felt like a piece of work I could do without. ("doing" means shaving and fake tanning. I have blue legs)

Feeling like this - just on the edge of tears - is confusing for me. Is this something I should listen to - and if so, do what? - or just truck on through - and then maybe have one of those pathetic mini-breakdowns that means I have to stay off work and P is really horrible to me? IF it shouldn't be ignored, what can I actually do?
I feel like when I had pregnancy nausea and I used to think: if I felt like this for one day I would take a sick day, but because it is every day I have to go to work anyway. This is how I feel about being such a depressio-bore

Ugh sorry to moan moan moan. Day 15. Good luck all you brave women x