Being DRY

[Bigglesfliesundone]

This is the fourth thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol completely.

It's an arduous path at times, but we're still here!

We know how easy it is to slip, and how hard it can be to stay on the road, but we also know that we can't drink 'just one'.

The thread motto is 'Watch the film to the end'



Come and have a coffee!

[nochips01]

I'd love a sober penpal. :) Thank you!

[merce]

Sorry to hear about your slip, nochips, but just get back on the saddle! You really can do it and it's brilliant that you are determined to. Post when you feel weak!!

Agree Mistress' posts yesterday were fab. So agree about the mad thinking we can get into. I think I've only relatively recently realised just how bonkers I was. I convinced myself that DH would 'chill out' and get onto the same mood level as me if I could just get him a bit more pissed… So I used do pour vodka into his (expensive) claret bottle. Utterly. Insane.

And also must say I take the same view on having alcohol in the house. I know some people prefer to have no booze anywhere near them - and that is entirely their choice and if it helps, excellent. But as Mistress pointed out, booze is all around us. I could pop down the road in minutes and be drinking before I knew it. Never stopped me before. So I am fine with DH drinking. Bless him, his max is half a bottle of wine (over an entire evening). We have a rather good wine cellar too, which is sort of sad, but I just have to forget about it. No wavering - no wondering - no self-pity. I draw the line at open bottles of white wine in the fridge (which I pour away at the end of an evening if we've had people round).

But I think key has to be getting into the mindset where you don't want to touch it. If you feel you are 'white-knuckling' it and constantly trying to deny yourself something then I suspect it's a matter of time before you give in.

[allhailqueenmab]

Hi all

Sorry to hear you lapsed, nochips. Hope you are not feeling too bad / beating yourself up too badly today. come on, get back up dust yourself down, and let's go. You can do this. have something nice for lunch.

Really great posts yesterday and this morning. thank you all.

I have arranged to see my family this weekend and that is usually tres tres boozy. Here is what I am thinking:

• 1 day at a time, or one minute at a time. Each moment is just one moment where I don't have to join in the drinking. the next moment could feel completely different. the next moment could be the one where I am suddenly flooded with joy and relief at not having started to drink. (that moment always comes, even if only the next day. but sometimes surprisingly soon.) (this, now I think of it, is very similar to the technique I used to get through labour contractions! And they were a lot worse than the "pain", ahem, of not shoving wine in your face)
  
• I need to prepare something to say as they will go on about it. However I am prepared to be violently sarcastic after the first polite refusal. "Oh great here is the part of the day I really look forward to! Where everyone grills me and pressures me about what I am going to drink!" Sounds brutal but it will only happen if they deserve it. And it will work. If I say something like that once, they will back off.
  
• I have suggested one dinner out at a place that will require at least two cars. One of them can be mine. Job done for that meal.
  
• dd2 will sleep badly. I will be sober to deal with it and not-hungover in the morning when I am tired. This alone is worth a lot.
  
• there is tons of great outdoorsy stuff to do and I can focus on feeling good for that.
  

Have a good day all

[merce]

Mabs, sounds like you've got some excellent pre-planned strategies. think that's a great way of preparing for what you know will be hard…. The dinner location idea is genius. And hopefully, your family will get used to the non-drinking you gradually and stop making an issue of it. I have a slightly similar thing with my in-laws. No one has actually asked me outright why I'm not drinking (which is almost worse as they must be wondering and coming to some sort of conclusion….), but they are less annoying about trying to press drinks on me when we get together. I play the healthy living/yoga/too old to take it any more type cards when pressed. And just say it really doesn't agree with me these days. Which is true, after all. Really hope it goes well.

[allhailqueenmab]

thanks, Merce.
Send me good vibes over the weekend!

[merce]

certainly will do!!

[spankingnewme]

Have done well over a week af now. But I'm also doing Atkins diet now so not being allowed alcohol is the least of my worries!lol following something so strict does seem to be helping though!

[allhailqueenmab]

Hello all the dry ladies! Is anyone around? Hope you have all had a good evening and are clean and serene and in good places x

[allhailqueenmab]

Well done spanking! how are you finding the diet?

[merce]

I'm around! Just got in. Enjoying peace and quiet as DH out with his brother (he NEVER goes out so is joyous to have the house to myself!).

[allhailqueenmab]

Hi merce! Sounds like a good evening.
I am off to bed now
Good night all dry ladies x

[nochips01]

Morning all.

Thanks for all the support and encouragement. It is a slog right now.

I caught sight of myself in a fb picture last night. I did not recognise myself!!!So I am on a diet too now spanking. :)

[allhailqueenmab]

Hi nochips. [manly thump on the shoulder]
Oh god I hate that "this is what I look like?!" photo moment. I am getting a lot of those these days.

Do you want to talk about lapsing? Do you want to tell us what happened and what you felt that led to you picking up?

Or do you want to forget the whole damn thing and get on?

We're here for you either way.

Have a good day all dry women x

[nochips01]

Thanks! I liked that manly punch. :)

The lapsing- just things are a bloody grind right now. Massive whinge alert. DS has been in and out of OOH, DH is away, I have a project due for work, I have some assignments due for the part time study I am doing (doesn't feel like bloody part time), I just felt I had no 'give' in me left to fight the cravings. I was all out of energy. It was nothing more than that. The daily grind.

:)

I'm inching back from the edge though. I loved the euphoric feelings I had in the early days...... the daily grind has dampened that too. [shakes self]

But no, I am determined. Marathon, not a sprint, for the long term etc.

How are you all doing?

[Bigglesfliesundone]

Boo :( You have the will for sure, but obviously something's going a bit wrong! When you feel like a drink, can you get up and do something else? Walk outside for a bit (just in the garden or street for five minutes??) Have a hot bath? Have a yummy soft drink? I'm sorry if this is all stuff you know already, just trying to think what I do - as I'm still struggling with my leg so finding it hard at the moment as well. I tend to grab one of my many thousands of alcohol 'survivor' books and have a flic through

No booze in the house?

It's hard :( I hope you don't think I'm being patronising.

[nochips01]

No, I don't think that. :) It is good to be reminded!

I am going to drag Jason Vale out again. I feel like I need his cheerleading rah rah rah approach right now!

[allhailqueenmab]

One of the millions of "ex-boozer" writers I have been reading (can't remember who, I feel like I have been reading them all!) points out something that is a bit obvious but kind of passed me by till I saw it written down: when you need a break, take it, in some other way, don't make it be about booze. So for me, the things that I find stressful and will push me towards a drink are:

• social occasions where I am flooded with hecticness and anxiety (at first) and then fatigue and boredom (later). for me the issue is not that other people are drinking. I am used to that and unless I have some other problem it doesn't bother me. It is the anxiety and the boredom / fatigue that bother me. She points out: you can just go to the loo with your phone or a book. This is a very simple piece of genius, for an introvert.
  

• at home when I am tired and fried and the kids are making me feel all raw nerves. I don't have a solution to this as I am not able to waltz off at home at will but - really? Am I not allowed to go to the lavatory? Of course I am. maybe I could try the same thing!
  

Anyway lots of ex-smokers complain that they miss the fag breaks. In theory they could just go outside and eat an apple instead. Similarly for me - and sounds like for you, nochips - disappearing into a bottle represents a mini-holiday. How do you award yourself the holiday without the booze? (short of screaming at everyone "just fuck off everybody! Fuck off fuck off fuck off!")


I think phones are great. It is so great that you can just pick a world to disappear into on your phone. Maybe you need the Jason VAle book uploaded to a kindle app on your phone and you can just dip into it whenever. or come on here and talk to us.

[Bigglesfliesundone]

I hate seeing drinkers on tv now :( I hate thinking knowing that I can't have 'one', I hate seeing drink in the aisles at the supermarket..


I still feel pissed off when dh has his cans in the evening, still want a glass of wine in a restaurant, still want a g and t when I'm watching crap telly.


I still automatically think 'ooh drink' when I think about holidays, still think 'ooh drink' when it's Friday night, still can taste all the drinks I used to 'enjoy'


It's still hard to think I won't drink again.

[nochips01]

God yes, that is all true true true. Boozing was about 'me time'. Taking time out.

Wow. It sounds so simple, but it had not sunk in at all

I am at home today. I might take a bubble bath and read a chick lit for 30 minutes. I am just flopping around the house and procrastinating anyway- I can start my other stuff after that.

My DParents called this morning when we were at the hospital because of DS. They live a long long way away. I am going to e-mail and just say that I appreciate the call, but i am not up to talking, can we talk tomorrow. There is a bit of self care too.

Biggles your leg, poor thing. Did you get to a physio? As for the drinkers on tv, I agree......... although I was just watching Real Housewives of Orange county (a guilty pleasure) and there were some cringe-making moments courtesy booze. I kind of think- nearly every single person I know is a problem drinker. People like DH who really does not care - he is the only person I know who is like that. It is a baffling kind of thing.

[Bigglesfliesundone]

Back to the docs this afternoon with leg. If he suggests a physio I will demand one before next week - as they clearly misdiagnosed it before! :( No way is this a simple muscle strain!!

[allhailqueenmab]

"nearly every single person I know is a problem drinker." ha ha I know that feeling. I have / had friends who can take it or leave it and somehow we drifted apart. Funny that. Maybe time to look them up again!

Thinking I will never have a drink again - I refuse to think that. I just don't face that head on right now. If I must, when I am feeling strong, I glipmse at it for a minute, sideways, and view it as a sort of glamorous exile. I may never go home again but I will have adventures and I carry the important things inside me.

[nochips01]

'glamorous exile'.... I know that feeling!!!!

Good luck with the Dr Biggles. It does not sound like a strain.... maybe a tear or something.

[Bigglesfliesundone]

Despite all the negative thoughts I blasted down in a grump above , I know just know it's all worth it every morning when I wake up and feel well, and can look in the mirror knowing that I can face the day looking ok (!) and not worrying about what the hell happened last night!

[skippy84]

Hi all, two weeks for me today. I know it's a small amount of time but I feel like Ive climbed a mountain. I can't express how much better I feel about almost every aspect of my life purely from not drinking for two weeks. I know I have a long way to go but I feel like I've gotten myself back a bit.

[Bigglesfliesundone]

It's an amazing achievement Skippy. I felt so incredibly proud after two weeks. You can do this