Being DRY

[Bigglesfliesundone]

This is the fourth thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol completely.

It's an arduous path at times, but we're still here!

We know how easy it is to slip, and how hard it can be to stay on the road, but we also know that we can't drink 'just one'.

The thread motto is 'Watch the film to the end'

Come and have a coffee!

Hi all

just checking in, off to bed in a minute. I am getting a cold or something and have a filthy headache.
at least I won't have a hangover on top of it.
Beautiful evening here, I have been enjoying the sunset but feel too crap to stay up any longer.
Good night all.

Help! Damn it, was doing well

Rachael??? what happened? come back x

drank last night, so sorry. trying not to beat myself up but I just kind of think, well, what's the point. feel I've let the side down. sorry, mab, just not strong enough.

Sonlyme and Rachael. We are all here. We are not judging. We are just here.

Rachael come back! Tell us how you are. xx. Thinking of you.

sonlyme you have not let the side down. Chin up. Carry on. :) I think every single one of us have slipped at about this stage (and other stages further down the track too!).

You feel crap. Has it confirmed that being AF is a good thing? If yes, then that is a good thing to know! You can continue on.

This is a process. Progression, not perfection. It gets easier. I slipped last week. I slip on average about every 8-9 days or so, but I am (hopefully) getting better at dealing with it, and moving forwards and for me it just serves to underscore how alcohol has no place in my life.

Don't feel bad, or beat yourself up. That goes for you too Rachael. :) Come back, post post post a hundred times today if you need it. We are all here, and (cheese alert) you are our friends, and we are here for you.

Exactly what Corn Chips said!

No! you haven't let anyone down! it's sooooo hard, we all know that. Just start again. We 'be all done it. God, I am so close at the moment just got over my leg injury and running again, when yesterday my hip went 'ping' when I was out running and the pain was excruciating. Hobbled home but clearly something else has happened. so so fed up, and a nice glass of something cold with a few cigarettes just seems like a perfect plan to be honest!

Off to kids school fair. Driving but even so I would normally have a glass of something. Wish me luck.

Good day to everyone. Hope the sun is shining wherever you are.

Hi all. Another MN lady suggested this thread. I'm currently two and half years sober and not in attendance of AA much, though thought I'd have a wee nose on here! Always good to chat with like minded folk ... So yeh, hi!

Hi all.

Really sorry to hear about your slips, Rachel and Sonlyme. Wonder how you are both feeling today. Is the sunshine cheering you up and fuelling some fresh determination or just making the hangover worse (assuming you drank enough to have one)? As others have said - dust yourself off and just get back on the horse! Also, wonder if it is possible to you to identify any triggers that set you off? Just in case you can structure things in a way that they don't crop up so often. All this easier said than done, I do know. Sending virtual hugs to you both…

And welcome, Plodding. Good to have you on board. I am 2 years and 4 months sober so we are v. close in terms of our sobriety time. We are the old-timers on this thread. Know what you mean about not getting to enough AA meetings, although I did go to my favourite local one this morning and it was a blinder. Really powerful stuff. Needed to go after horrendous funeral I went to yesterday. Haven't done a funeral (and wake) sober before, so was rather anxious about it, but that side of it was fine in the end. Bloody glad I didn't end up embarrassingly drunk and becoming the centre of attention which would obviously have been hideously inappropriate.

Trying to study this afternoon and keep falling asleep which is less than ideal. MUST FOCUS!

Thank you for the welcome merce good on you for getting a meeting in. They do help don't they? I really should go more often myself. Cannot believe I am finally an old timer! I thought it would take another 20 years, Haha.

It's lovely to hear of your appreciation for your sobriety and why. We are the lucky ones :)

You are so right about us being the lucky ones. All those cliches are true. My life is totally different now. May not be as obvious to people on the outside as I worked incredibly hard at keeping up a front and hiding how bad things were, but my God it was awful. And I was just 'getting through' every day by the skin of my teeth.

If you go back up thread - and link back to previous thread/s you will see our stories. When you get a chance would love to hear potted version of yours.

Lovely to have you with us - it's a great gang on here. Really supportive. MN at its best.

Thanks merce. I shall have a read back and then do a post on my own 'journey'

Hi Keepon - it's lovely to have another "old timer" like Merce to keep us newbies inspired. & encouraged.

Merce I'm glad you got to a meeting after the funeral. It must have been very emotional.

Morning everyone. So nice to have you keepon. I love to hear the experiences of the old timers. I am getting through every day by the skin of my teeth at the moment.

Had a fabulous day yesterday. Some people I know with a DS the same age asked us to come to a really good playground I have never been too before. We spent hours there watching the kids play, had a cafe lunch (they had beer, I was not even tempted). It was nice.But when I got home I was climbing the walls. I also when I got home started worrying and fretting and rethinking everything I had said, wondering if I had offended anyone or been a prat in some way. How I feel the day after drinking really. The thing is, i am quite shy, and it is an effort to try and be relaxed and fun. So I had a great day and really enjoyed it, but then got all anxious and worried in case the others were just enduring my inanities. I am hoping that ditching alcohol will help me to become more comfortable and relaxed and secure in myself.

on the funeral merce.

on the sore hip Biggles.

Morning all.

Cornchips, your post really moved me in a funny way. I think so many of us are shy and insecure (often underneath a bloody good front to the contrary). And alcohol can provide a lovely security blanket - until it gets out of hand/stops working. I remember finding the first few social occasions with friends really strange too. Almost like I was looking down on myself from above. I felt sort of disconnected from the group and felt that I didn't know how to make conversation in a natural way. I think it is just because we are so used to blurring the lines with booze. What I did was to allow myself to be a bit quieter than normal to start with - and LISTEN to what others were saying, really taking interest in the content of their chat if that makes sense. Before, I was sort of listening, but really more interested in where the next drink was coming from. And myself. I found that making a conscious effort to focus my attention on other people -and then ask them more about what they were saying - helped me to relax and stop thinking about myself (and my awkwardness). Don't know if I have expressed myself clearly, but anyway -that really helped me get used to the new way of 'being'.

And so sorry about your ongoing injuries, Biggies. Hugely wearing and depressing when our bodies don't work like we want them to/they used to. Big sympathy from my corner. Am another one for whom exercise is a life saver in terms of sanity/mood!

hello lovely people. you are all doing so well. Me? I am vomiting, have diaorrea, feel sad and low and pissed off with this battle and myself. My plan today is to go a walk in the country with my ipod, read, cook and not drink. Sundays are extra hard for me as the Sunday papers and a roast seem to need a bottle of wine (plus). Not going to do it though. Thank you all so much for your support and not making me feel like the failure my head is telling me i am. off to puke.

My heart goes out to you, Sonlyme. Have been there SO MANY SODDING TIMES. I would just say what I've said before - if I can do it anyone can. Just remind yourself - it doesn't have to be like this. You don't have to feel like this. There is a solution. Promise xx

Morning all. Thanks for such a superb welcome :)

corn what you describe is what most of us do- to some degree or other. When I first got sober I was acutely aware of my anxiety and how socially inept I was. Drink had always been the answer to my shyness. As merce says, I am very good at hiding it (us lot tend to be good actors!) - but I am, and always have been rather shy.

I have had a little read through the thread to get a feel for things, as merce suggested I shall say a little bit about me...

I got sober at 20 I initially - up in Glasgow where I studied for Masters. Glasgow is really a wonderful place to get sober and I was very lucky. I stayed so we for nearly three years - then relapsed for a night and ended up being arrested and in the cells all weekend. Needless to say, I went back to AA after that! I have never really had a honey moon period with booze. From the age of 14 I drank too much, always to get wasted and there were more often than not major consequences due to my drinking. I basically had six years of drinking, hanging about with very unhinged and rather dangerous people to be honest. I was in my own flat by 17 and that's when things really kicked off- I was hospitalised / sexually assaulted / regularly woke up in different towns/ had people at my door threatening to kill me... It was mayhem. The funniest thing of all was I was an A* star pupil at school, really shy and my parents are teachers - I lived a double life.

I honestly don't know how I managed to get to Uni as I was drinking all the time by them- I passed college by the akin of my teeth (did an access course).

I remember the first time I went to AA I had been drinking for days and literally felt like I couldn't stop. There was nothing bit booze for me. I always chased the booze. To be honest i could go on and on and mention all the gory details , but I am sure you all identify with the key factor- once I drank I couldn't stop- and when I wanted to quit drinking (many times I had sworn I would) I went back to it. AA talk about the mental obsession - this obsession always had the power to convince me a drink would be ok- despite my past showing it NEVER had been. I believe I was born alcoholic. I come from a long line of them - and I have researched this illness enough to be comfortable with the theory that we very well are mentally and bodily different from others.

That doesn't mean I blame though. I accept I am lucky enough to have a program and AA meetings on offer to keep me sober and sane. In Glasgow I was an active member of AA - I was involved in a young persons group and sponsored women and went to inter group/ spoke / did conventions/ helped newcomers. Sadly , since moving south I have drifted away and even though I am sober 2 years and 7 months (to be precise - haha) I am not as 'well' as I would like. I need to get back into recovery and AA- for me AA is paramount in my recovery- I know for Thera this is not the case and that is fine. I am not some mad AA zealot! I barely go now!

Where I am at now is I am 26 with a dd ages 1 and another en route :) I am I good relationship and life is good. I stills struggle with life, but I never think a drink will be ok - the obsession that It will be ok for me to drink has gone.

I am a young woman and very social- it can be hard when mates get drunk and I can't, but I accept it's not for me now. I don't always like that fact- but generally it's ok. I find it hard that others sometimes struggle to accept my alcoholism- due to my age. But I know I am. I have been in this game six years now and I know alcoholism is an illness- you don't choose it- it chooses you. It doesn't care of you are black/ white/ rich / poor / old- or young like me. The beauty of AA is it taught me- anyone can be an alcoholic.

I hope I haven't gone on too much. Very much an all me me me post! Hope I articulated points well enough for you to understand (I struggle to articulate what I feel at times )

:)

Sorry - auto correct and typing from a phone causes a few errors there!

Morning,
sonlyme- poor you,vile isn't it? I'll add another vote to "if I can do it anyone can",keep going and it will get easier and easier. When you are feeling better then maybe look at ways to change your sunday routine. I can understand how tempting that big meal and big drink are I would just have had the drink Even a tiny change can help break that association. Well,lots of water and rest for you today,hope you feel better soon.

merce that was really well put about being able to listen to people properly. I had a realisation about socalising and drinking- some people really,really,really do just use alcohol to relax and if you stay sober you can see that happen. The big difference is that they just slow down drinking once they have relaxed and they just let go a bit. On the other hand,I get stuck in and it switches on the craving for booze. I don't get relaxed,I get rowdy and stupid and weepy and then I just keep going.My drunk is not pleasant or fun though I can see that for most of my friends it is just a way to relax.Happy to be sober today.

That is a fabulous post Keepon. And timely for me, as I am obsessing about moderating today.

Thanks for writing it.

Plodding Thank you for sharing and what an inspiration. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to stop in your early 20's. I had trouble stopping in my mid 40's but it's done and 9 months later the siren call is lessening. Thank you again
Morning all
merce glad to hear funeral was bearable and that a meeting the next day helped
biggles so sorry to hear about your injury and I know how frustrating it can be as a fellow runner
cornchips I still feel very awkward without the mask of booze too
sonlyme I've been there a million times too so don't be too hard on yourself. You can beat this.
Hope you all have lovely sunny day's where you are

oooh x post with keeponploddingon that was an awesome post and thank you for sharing your story.

Yup- booze chose me and many members of my family. I have been lucky enough to know what happens to people like me and to get off when I felt things were beginning to be more out of control than usual.

I don't think you will be offended plodding if I mention that my relapse occurred when I decided to stop going to meetings (the zealots had done my bloody head in ) so I just go to the meeting I get the most from now.

I haven't posted my backstory here because there's already a lot of 'me getting sober' stuff on mumsnet and my lapse has made me re think my narrative.

I love the way there are so many sober women posting early sunday morning!