Being DRY

[Bigglesfliesundone]

This is the fourth thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol completely.

It's an arduous path at times, but we're still here!

We know how easy it is to slip, and how hard it can be to stay on the road, but we also know that we can't drink 'just one'.

The thread motto is 'Watch the film to the end'

Come and have a coffee!

guggenheim thank you :) totally not offended. What I need to hear! I know I need to go more. I do pray (not religious though) and practice the program- but meetings are so important and I need to go back. Hopefully this thread will help me to do so. I do not like the meetings here- but that's my excuse and not a reason...

corn I battles with the obsession to moderate for a long time too. Just remember what brought you to stop - do you do meetings may I ask? If so meetings are really good in the early days- they help you to see the truth.

I need to take my own advice and get to a meeting too :)

I would second that about meetings really helping in the early days. Something tangible to hang on to - RL support and practical guidelines about 'how to do it' and what to do if you worry you might hit the 'fuck it' button. Real life hugs not bad either!

Am v. aware that not everyone on this thread uses/likes AA, so not meaning to be shoving it down anyone's throat, but if you are lucky enough to have decent meetings near you then I think it's well worth giving it a go. There is no way in hell I could have got sober without it. I tried for years to do it alone and failed miserably….

merce re the early days maybe that's what it is? Because I discovered the sober blogging community in the early days that fulfilled the need and function that meetings do for others. Sober bloggers are my AA I guess.
It doesn't really matter though how we do it does it? Just as long as we do it and whatever works for each of us :)

Exactly. I say just use whatever resources work for you. But reaching out for help is key. I spent so many years trying to do it by myself and it was a total failure which I couldn't accept as I am normally so good at self-control in every other aspect of my life. Drove me mad!! I am really, really bad at admitting I can't do something and need to ask for help. All about pride, I guess.

Sonlyme - big hugs and stay with us. You should be very proud that you are back on here right away.

Keepon - thank you for sharing your story. Incredibly inspiring and also a salutary lesson that people of all ages can recognise that their drinking is out of control. I am full of admiration for that - and do think that it's an amazing thing that your parenting will all be sober parenting. Like many here, I have lots of regret about the years I have not been fully present with my kids. But I can't beat myself up about thar because I've made a decision to move forward bad change.

Here are the resources I have used in my first 2 weeks of deciding that I would live life AF. I list these only in case it's of any use to anyone struggling. A lot of them I found via this thread. I just don't think you can have too much support:

1. This thread. Thank you everyone.

1. Belle's website "Tired of thinking about Drinking". I have also joined her 100 day challenge along with quite a few on this thread.

1. I signed up to do Belle's 5 day Sober Jumpstart - she sent me five podcasts over five days. I can't explain the difference between someone "talking to you" over reading the very same words written down. Plus, the dog is now sober too .

I then had a phone call with Belle yesterday (which is included in the $60 you pay for the Class) which again was incredibly helpful.

(sorry I don't mean to sound like an advertisement for Belle. She's just what's leaped me in these very very early days).

1. I've listened to one Bubble Hour Podcast www.bubblehour.com and intend to listen to more. These are a kind of live discussion hosted by female sober bloggers with a particular theme regarding sobriety.

1. I have read loads of sober blogs including Lucy and Tortoise's from this thread (Ahangoverfreelife.com and Afteralcohol.wordpress.com (And Everything Afterwards) respectively - both on Wordpress)

1. I have joined a "secret" Facebook group of the Booze Free Brigade (which is also on yahoo etc) (it doesn't show up on your Facebook timeline etc). It's very US based but is high traffic and good for posting for accountability or if you need an immediate hand hold. It's very non- judgmental (ie there is no over-riding philosophy) but there are lots of people in AA and lots of AA language so good for people who are into that. But fine if you are not. If anyone who isn't in this group already wants to be, pm me & I'll tell you how to find it.

1. Reading a lot of books that have been recommended on here. Dry by Augusten Burroughs. The Sober Revolution by Lucy Rocca and Sarah Turner. "Drinking Eating and Overthinking" that I think Mab recommended. Just started this one but loved the first two.

1. I've joined "Soberistas" an online sober support and blogging network that I know Lucy and others are part of. Just dipping a toe in.

Now that I list it, it's no wonder I did precious little else. Obviously I can only say that this has got me to Day 8 .... so you know, it's hardly a "How to" ....

Happy Sunday.

Haggis Well that is a comprehensive list and thank you for the shout out. I am also a member of Belle's Team, the BFB on FB (I'll look out for you!) & Yahoo and Soberistas too. And then Tortoise kindly blogged about here so here I am :) I have done everything that you did, minus the sober jumpstart as I only discovered Belle at 37 days into the journey so had survived the tough early days (although it is for anyone at any stage of the journey I believe). You are about as plugged in as you could possibly be! Just an AA meeting and you'll have a full house! I didn't do much else in the early days but it was a positive way to use all that time that I used to spend drinking!! Day 8 is fantastic :)

Thanks Lucy! I am an all or nothing kind of gal. Yup we could play Dry Thread Monopoly . I feel sad that i can't be a runner - due to a hip replacement .... that's quite a common past time it seems.I am going to wait until I am further along and look again into AA.

Wolfie/WW can be tricky and you need every tool available in your sober toolkit! I forgot to mention running so thanks for the memory jog haha! :)

Hi. Second time I've tried to put a comment on here. Lost my last one and no time to write lots now. Wanted to say how lovely it is to have found this thread. In short (I'll try, anyway), I have had food addiction issues for ... over 28 years. Over and under eating. Got bad in late twenties. Ended up emancipated and in treatment. Treatment Centre for addictions. When came out, found adjusting to life to be tricky. Relapsed. Was offered a glass of wine on temp. job. Thought 'Well, they didn't say I've a drinking problem!' Famous last words. Half a drink of snotty white wine later (yup that's all it took), I was thinking of suicide, felt a magnetic pull towards any pub I walked by and... shot straight to AA.
Have not been to meetings for about 7 years but have been sober for about for over 12 years - a day at a time. Being different, in terms of my story and experience / lack of with alcohol manes me feel I shouldn't be there. Just in my head, I know. It's a real tear as I identify and feel more of an affinity with those in recovery in AA than ANYWHERE else (including OA and among close family and friends) BUT there's that difference. Feel anxious in case I'm asked for my 'story', etc. blah blah blah
So, lovely to read this post.

Emaciated - not emancipated. Lol

PS There is also SmartRecovery which doesn't seem as well established here as in the US.

Lastly, I know about cross-addiction, thank gd. My Treatment Centre did get that message through. Still not great with food but I go to Slimmimg World and do things my way but am HAPPY with it and at peace-ish with my body. Finally - at 42. Shopping is a bad one for me. Clothes, mostly. Anyone else?

Welcome AnonyMust Wow 12 years - amazing! Thank you for sharing and I'm quite new to this thread so that amount of recovery time is inspiring :)

Just a day at a time and I'm no further fri the next drink than you - or than anyone. But I dread it. I associate it with how I felt the last time I touched it- mentally and emotionally. Pure hell. Just remember how you felt on your last drink / afterwards and how hard it been to keep sober.

Mab? You ok? Thinking of you

Blimey 12 years!!! wow!! Can I ask how you got along at different stages? I mean did it get easier or harder at times is there a magic bit or is there a certain stage to look out for because it gets tricky?

haggis that list was brilliant. I haven't heard of the bubble hour thing so will look into that.The only thing I would add is spending as much social time as possible with sober friends or allowing yourself to go home early from big booze ups.

I have found the honest discussion of aa on here to be very helpful in giving me some perspective on the group and how I feel or fit in. It really isn't for everyone - totally agree! I was very hopeful about a group called something like women in sobriety or some such. I thought that it would be a friendship group for women who wanted to stay sober but I think I may have made that up! Anyway,my perfect meet up would be something rather like that where the emphasis would just be on encouraging and supporting each other along,whether you have a faith or not.

I was just thinking about Mab. Hope you are ok.

Feeling a bit down today. Watched a film with my DH last night. Really was antsy during it. So used to drinking when we watch tv. Still it was nice not to pass out before the end / remember the end.

How is everyone else doing? I've got to cook a BBQ (just us not anyone else thankfully). What I really want to do is go to bed. I think I will straight after we eat. I will download some Nashville episodes on my ipad and go to bed. DH can get the kids sorted.

Oh - and big hi AnonyMust. Thanks for sharing your story. You sound really hot on the whole cross-addiction thing, which is great. It's great to have you on the thread.

When my Dad stopped drinking he did a great line in cross-addictions. I am going to try to be financially sober and honest once I've got some more (alcohol) sobriety under my belt.

Am at local fete with DD. Will respond later. Xx

Haggis Bed sometimes is the best remedy

Before answering your questions, I must say that I've NOT got it sorted. Sober but imperfect re being dry vs sober in character. I get down (esp before I come on), moody, relate hugely to the social anxiety thing but you'd NEVER know it as I seem v chatty n friendly / slightly aloof to those who've snubbed my attempts to say hello for a few weeks (school gate), I spend shit loads on clothes and eat aaaaaall day (but fruit n veg & diet coke). Lol
But I'm happy - ish. Still full of negativity and self centred as they come, self-piteous too. But hey ho!

Definitely goes in stages. Found the fires few years hard. But sober, did manage to do the usual stuff. My drinking, though über-brief left me with such an obsession, unable to sleep and in mental hell. But I always reminded myself of the worst effects of my last drinking and wrote a list of WHY I went to AA. I looked at the list often and made a list every night of ten small things that I was grateful for. Meetings were my saviour. Felt safe from the mental torture. Made. Mental image of how I was and what i feared would happen and thought of it each time I thought of drink. That helped.
Called people in programme non stop. Prayed like fuck. Honestly, praying did help take obsession away if I remembered to. Used to go to loos and whisper pray. Didn't believe but now I kinda do as it worked. Still does. Works on helping me to park, too. Got sponsor did programme etc.
wrote incoherently at night to get thoughts out. Then could sleep. I'm trying to think of all that's helped me. That's it for now.

Hi anonymust :) thanks for sharing! You are a real inspiration and a great example of it's not how much you drink- it's what it does to you!
Twelve years is wonderful. I too have a shopping addiction :/

Lucy and haggis- thanks for sharing your own ways of straying sober. Whatever works for you is good enough! I am very much an AA lady in theory- but in reality I do no longer go much and I am open minded to other avenues to sobriety. Thanks for such detailed lists of blogs etc. will join the fb page now :) I love this thread already! Thanks :)

What's the Fb thread? Saw it down page somewhere.

Can I join please?