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Original poster

Being DRY

992 replies

Bigglesfliesundone · 11/05/2014 09:39

This is the fourth thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol completely.

It's an arduous path at times, but we're still here!

We know how easy it is to slip, and how hard it can be to stay on the road, but we also know that we can't drink 'just one'.

The thread motto is 'Watch the film to the end'

Smile

Come and have a coffee!

OP posts:
merce · 19/06/2014 09:48

Doesn't sound boastful - totally understand where you are coming from. One of the wiser AA saying is not to judge your insides against others' outsides (think that's right!!). But basically meaning that how people present themselves on the outside often bears v. little resemblance to how they are/feel on the inside. May need to look that up now - seem to remember it was put much better when I heard it!!

Anyway, all power to us. Hands stretched out for everyone.

I have to go to hospital now to have some little 'punch biopsy' as suspect I've got a patch of basal cell carcinoma (not the nasty type of skin cancer, but still not a load of laughs). Am real baby about things like this so wish me luck.

Haggismcbaggis · 19/06/2014 09:51

Ouch Merc. That sounds horrid. Mabs - good luck at the meetings. Good day to all. X

merce · 19/06/2014 09:51

Just checked - this is it:

"Don't judge your insides by other people's outsides".

V. true.

CornChips · 19/06/2014 10:07

Brilliant quote merce.

Original poster
Bigglesfliesundone · 19/06/2014 11:56

Going back a bit - I had to leave AA as the 'clique' were so pushy and determined :( They were at every meeting (loads in my city) and I felt completely hounded.

It's a shame as I liked the basic premise and idea behind AA, but I just couldn't cope with them. :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigglesfliesundone · 19/06/2014 11:58

In fact they were named on AAcultwatch.

OP posts:
Haggismcbaggis · 19/06/2014 13:56

Gosh, never heard of that. Googled it but good to know it exists. Thanks Biggles. How sad is it that when humans get together and create something good there is always some kind of ego building and conflict.

I have sent my kids to school badly underdressed. It was really sunny this morning and now it looks like it might rain. Oh well.

merce · 19/06/2014 14:12

I'd never heard of it either. Feel more and more fortunate to have such an excellent bunch on my doorstep. Certainly no preachiness - more anarchical approach, if anything!

Lucy2610 · 19/06/2014 15:53

Afternoon all!
Thanks Haggis for the kind words about today's post. Merce I like "Thanks, but I drank my whole life’s quota of alcohol by the time I was 45, so I’ll pass” but haven't had the nerve to use it yet! Anxious about appearing that I am spamming the thread with my blog so will refrain from posting link but if you go take a look there are some other good suggestions in the comments. Hope your biopsy went ok?
Will have to look up AAcultwatch and really hoping that my experience of AA is okay tonight. I want my first meeting to feel right otherwise I might never go back!
Hands out stretched and off to meet the kids from the school bus - will report back on how it goes either later tonight or tomorrow

Endingthecharade · 19/06/2014 15:56

Lovely to catch up with all your posts, nothing interesting from me. We are going away for our 20th wedding anniversary on sat-sun (leaving DD17, DS14,DD12, whoops done it again, 43children) alone for the 1st time ever. we're staying in a nice B&B 1.5 hours away.
Am not looking forward to a lovely meal with no wine and am worried about how I will be feeling.
One day at a time ('Sweet Jesus') I guess.
Play the tape to the end.. easier said than done, isn't it?
Lovely to hear you're feeling so wellSondlyme

CornChips I too have a difficult time with my mother and am spending the weekend with her in July when I take DD17 (that's my 17th child!) and friend to London. I ALWAYS drink with her to get through the weekend but have promised DD that I will not. Hard.

You are all a great source of support and company. Much appreciated.

Endingthecharade · 19/06/2014 16:00

Merce Sorry, meant to add, BCC (basal cell carcinoma) sounds awful but isn't really dreadful. But thinking of you all the same. Still horrid procedure.

Original poster
Bigglesfliesundone · 19/06/2014 16:00

Eek I don't want anyone to be put off aa ! I was very disturbed by these particular people. and cross in the end. How something. good can be made bad Sad

I would love to try again but am pretty sure they are still there

OP posts:
sonlyme · 19/06/2014 16:08

bought a mug in Morrisons today. Says - relax - verb, re.lax make or become less tense or anxious. This is my new mug for tea as vodka and wine make me tense and anxious. Repeat to fade......

merce · 19/06/2014 16:14

Lucy - hope it goes well tonight and that you haven't been put off! Nutters and power-crazed fools crop up everywhere, I guess. But when it's good it's really good so fingers crossed for you.

And thanks, Ending. Am ashamed to report I went all the way, waited for ages and then - ahem - walked out without having had the procedure….. I had a nasty big one a few years back on my cheek and found the whole thing really distressing as they had to chop massive deep chunk out of my face. Luckily then I had private health cover, so the guy who did it was really careful and I got it reconstructed by a plastic surgeon etc. The woman who was going to do it today said it would leave a noticeable scar (and dent!) in my face. Just from the biopsy and stitches. She couldn't reassure me that her method was 'as good as' what I would get privately. Was hugely apologetic for wasting their time, but ultimately it is my face and I just want to be sure that I am going to have as small a scar as possible. Vain? Maybe…. But there we have it. So am now going to have to cough up to go back to to the (v .good) guy I saw before. It may be just as bad, but at least I'll know I am doing the best I can in terms of outcome. Can't afford to pay to go private, obv, but will just bloody find the money. Hope I made the right call…..

TommyandGina · 19/06/2014 16:15

Can I ask? If you don't drink do you find it easier if those around you also don't drink, especially if you are in a 1 to 1 situation?

If poss can you pm me your replies as I doubt I'll get chance to sit and re-read, hope that doesn't sound rude, thanks.

Endingthecharade · 19/06/2014 16:26

Merce I am SO surprised that the NHS person could not guarantee as good a job (ESP! on your face) as privately, really really surprised. Do think twice about forking out for private. I would really question whether the outcome, (cosmetically) would be better)

Endingthecharade · 19/06/2014 16:28

Sorry, Tommy Haven't the time to PM you. Yes, much easier on a one to one basis if the other is not drinking, massively.

Endingthecharade · 19/06/2014 16:33

Inn my experience, (25 years in the health service) dermatology, esp faces, they are VERY careful, they may not be able to guarantee no scar but not will a private guy be able to either. I know it sounds a bit 'woo' but there is reasonably robust evidence that Vit K cream prescribed in the correct strength can minimise scarring.

merce · 19/06/2014 16:39

She was really covering herself. And today's procedure was only for a 3mm punch biopsy - not for Mohs or anything (which I had before). But she said she 'had to tell me' that there would 'definitely be a noticeable scar' and also 'dip' in the skin as a result. I definitely didn't get that from the private guy when he did it - although in the end they had to hack loads out (sorry guys -TMI I realise) so was irrelevant. But she said if it was BCC and they did have to do Mohs, then no guarantee that they'd do any reconstruction etc. Whereas the private guy injected fat so that there was no dip blah blah. Sounds like you really know your stuff which is encouraging (as who else wld know what Mohs is, frankly?). But given that it is my FACE I am just feeling super cautious. I gave her every opportunity to correct my understanding of what she was saying. Said 'I presume your technique is exactly the same as if I went private so no difference?' and things like that. But she replied 'I can't guarantee that as I don't know what techniques they might use privately'. That was big red flag for me which is why I walked……

Apols for droning on - as you were. Probably only one for Ending!!!

merce · 19/06/2014 16:40

And Tommy - personally I don't care if someone drinks. In a way I prefer it if they do as really hate people treading on egg shells around me. Find it patronising.

As you can see - we are all different!

Probably not v. helpful. Sorry.

Endingthecharade · 19/06/2014 17:17

Merce Ahh, The private guy did a little reconstruction with some fat injection, I'm with you... Can you get the procedure done on the NHS then pay for the cosmetic effect? I'm really with you on faces, it's not vain at all, it's what everyone sees all the time, the most important part of you. Sorry, a little conversation between Merce and me.

Lucy2610 · 19/06/2014 17:36

Biggles Blimey aacultwatch is an eye-opener! As an interesting side-note a friend recommended a particular meeting and it's top of their list!! The largest city near me has a couple of meetings listed too so thanks for the warning and will find another meeting in that city if the one tonight doesn't feel right. Thanks Merce I hope it goes well :)

Original poster
Bigglesfliesundone · 19/06/2014 18:25

scary isn't it! and it's run by aa members so not anti aa at all. I sent my story in when I left.

OP posts:
guggenheim · 19/06/2014 19:49

Hi,
Thank you for all the comments re: aa. Yes, aa cultwatch is an eyeopener & my city is named there too. Actually, it was very comforting to find out that it is totally ok to be part of aa without being evangelical about it.

Where I go there are very pushy people and that's hard for me BUT there are loads of normal people who just go to meetings without buying into every aspect of it. I fully intend to keep going and to remind newcomers that they don't HAVE to do anything at all,no matter how much sobriety that person has.

In all fairness,if I was given to hardline opinions or hard line joining with with groups (sooo not) then I probably would want to spread the word too.

Lucy you should go and find out for yourself : ) Blog is great- helping to keep me sober thank you.
merce hope the it all goes well for you,the consultant didn't sound vey reassuring!

I spoke to dh last night about my worries regarding the funeral and realised that it is completely normal to have fears about something as big and final as a funeral.A big test of my sobriety too.

merce · 19/06/2014 21:21

Oh Guggenheim - well done talking to your DH about your worries. Funerals are so tough. Good luck and will be thinking of you.

Funnily enough, I have a funeral to go to tomorrow that I think will be really tough. Young person - died in tragic circumstances etc. Leaving small children without a father. Just. Horrendous. Not worried I will drink, but worried it will be hard not to want to. I suspect everyone else will get plastered in order to cope even vaguely. Hey ho - puts our problems into perspective in a way. If his family can cope with living - then I can cope without drinking!

Lucy - longing to hear how your meeting went after all the AA chat! Need to get on that website and have a delve around.