Being DRY

[Bigglesfliesundone]

This is the fourth thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol completely.

It's an arduous path at times, but we're still here!

We know how easy it is to slip, and how hard it can be to stay on the road, but we also know that we can't drink 'just one'.

The thread motto is 'Watch the film to the end'

Come and have a coffee!

Congrats sonlyme :) Life really does improve without the booze. As someone at almost 9 months dry words cannot express how much better it is. It's not all rainbows and unicorns but it beats day in day out hungover and feeling shite.

Hi again everyone. Just waving hello. Well done sonlyme :)

Haggis how you doing?

I'm okay- drinking rhubarb and strawberry cordial with sparkling water from Belvoir cordials. Mmmm.......

Broke my usual routine by taking DS to Costa Coffee after school then giving him a bath as soon as we got home. Breaking the routine like tortoise suggested really worked.

Oh Haggis - my stomach looks as if it is 6 months pregnant, so your suggested excuse to WW could fly....

Hi Cornchips! Mmmm pass me that cordial sounds delicious. Good plan on the chamber of routine. I need to do some of that!

Yay - Sonlyme. You are through the tough bit of the day. Good for you. Agree totally. I remember when this thread first started ( this is my special namechange ID I know a lot of MNers in RL) and I thought "how dreadful ". I pottered about the other thread for a bit trying moderation. I got a lot from it. It was all part of my mind gradually getting to know what I REALLY needed to do. As much as I would love to moderate it really really is not going to be an option for me. When I had my epiphany (ahem) which came via a MN friend posting a link to Tortoise's thread - I headed straight for here. Not realising that Tortoise also posted here as well as blogging - until I'd read a bit if the thread.

The wine has been poured away - down DHs neck! It was only a glassful.

Monopoly was going swimmingly - but poor DS had a chess lesson in the middle of the game which must have exhausted him. When we went back to the game he had a full on screeming heeby-heeby melt-down. Poor little guy. He was desperate to play it but can't cope. I dealt with it much better than I usually do. Kept calm. Was able to lie on his bed with him and try and calm him without feeling murderous (not towards him, just life in general). That's got to be an improvement. He absorbs a huge amount if emotional energy due to his additional needs. I am definitely going to have a lot more of that to give if I am not drinking, aren't I?

Mab, how are you doing?

Sorry typo city - the link on Facebook was to Tortoise's blog.
Chamber of Routine sounds like some kind of a Harry Potter sequel ...

Evening,hope everyone is doing ok.

I'm sober and happy about it but I have a funeral to attend next week and will have to spend time with my mother- I am a little worried about my ability to cope with all that and stay sober. It's much easier to stay clam in general now that I have some distance between me and the booze but a difficult situation might test me again. Hmmm..

Please can I have a whinge about something? (does so anyway) I'm back at the one aa meeting I really enjoy and it's great. In my city there is quite a pushy crowd of people with a specific aa agenda,I have spent time listening and talking with them but it's just not for me. One of the reason I left in january is that they kept pushing and pushing at me and this has started again. I would like to be calm about this but I find it extremely irritating- which isn't very mature of me but is how I feel. Any thoughts anyone? Appreciate that I may be the problem not them.

Like Chamber of Routine. I am going to try a Chamber of Routine every day. It worked well today.... DS asked to go to Costa and I usually say no no, we have to ... rush somewhere... do something... whatever. Today I thought why not and relaxed. relaxing was brilliant.

Yes, there is so much more to give when not floored by alcohol. Ifind also I am calmer, more patient- with everything, even our pets. I tend to be pretty patient on the surface- but it is a charade when I am drinking. I am so tied up in tight knots of self hatred and self loathing that it overwhelms me and I am incapable of dealing with anything but the bare necessities.

I had a real moment of weepiness this evening though-just feeling so so guilty about how often I have short changed DS. We have already done so many more things,been to more playgrounds, had more chats over dinner this summer than we did in all of last year.

X-post guggenheim... reading you now...back in a mo

Hi hi hi hi!

Thanks to Haggis and sonlyme checking in on me! I really appreciate it. Means a lot to me this evening.

Things bad with dp, he left the room and I made my dinner in tears and ate it alone. It's ok, this is not the kind of thing that makes me want to drink. It's so weird, but I have only just identified that there are about a million zillion things that make me want to drink, but being sad is just about the only one I can think of that does not. It's ok. a nice evening, some dinner, a cup of tea, and you lovely people. Thanks for being there (vom) (but I mean it)

guggenheim, that sounds dementingly annoying. I have no idea how to handle it. That is the sort of thing that I am absolutely unequipped to deal with myself, or advise on.
In fact, feeling under pressure from people pushing (in various ways, including utterly harmless ones) is one of the many gazillion things that makes me want to drink.

Haggis - and others - the kids in the evening driving you to drink.... I wonder how many women with an alcohol problem got into it that way. Just something to take the edge off because they hit a certain hour of the day when they are too tired to behave like humans, but it's too early to put them to bed..... argh.

Guggenheim- the pushy people- they are at the meeting you like? That is hard. I have not (yet) been to AA so not sure of the dynamics, but my counsellor told me that often splinter groups form with people who indeed have an agenda. What is it they want from you? Angst of any sort of the last thing you need.

Funeral- so sorry about the funeral. What is the bare minimum of contact you can get away with with your mother at the funeral? Is there a way you can be the designated driver, or focus on family members you are close to that you can stick with?is there someone who will be there to provide RL backup?

mab

Are you okay?

Oh cornchips, don't cry. It's happening now!

ha ha ha x-posts! I meant don't cry about what you didn't do in the past, be happy you are present and doing it all now.

I am fine! I really am. I have had dinner which I hardly ever do and it's serving me well, and I am really honestly ok.

I do appreciate being asked. I know I keep saying this but I do rather wander through life a bit invisible. My head is such a strange and muddled place from having all the thoughts jammed up inside it with no one to talk to. It makes me feel a bit unreal at times, the disonnect between the me inside and the me that walks around and is hardly seen

Talk to us. :) We get it.

Mab that sounds so tough. But realising that feeling sad doesn't make you want to drink is a "good" thing. I hope it improves.

Yes, re kids in the evening I always remember Claire Rayner saying she once out her kids to bed at 4.30 once because she couldn't bar another minute. A she was ... like.... Really nice and not a drinker and eveything.

Guggenheim - hi! Like others who have never been to AA (only Al Ateen in the 80s!) I don't understand the dynamics you might encounter. My understanding is that it's supposed to be a safe non-judgemental place. I am sure there is some specific stuff in the Big Book ( is that what it's called) that you could point to to call them on it. But that's easier said than done in reality. What, are they pushing you to do your steps or share in meetings, that kind of thing? Maybe there is someone you could ask to advocate on your behalf if that would feel easier ?

Off to bed. Feeling a little trepidatious. Thursday onwards is a tricky time for me.

It's ok. I've been here before... in a way I am always here.

things that make me drink are my parents, stress, anxiety, boredom, social anxiety in particular, anger, and - this is the weird one that I cannot explain - the moment that is immediately post stress + something good in me like a small triumph or something + something good outside of me like pretty sun on trees. It adds up in a rush, it is sort of unbearable and I immediately start planning how I will turn it up to 11 with alcohol... actually the drink is usually a disappointment because it is a faff to get it, and it is cheap wine or something not so great at a train station, and perhaps a child is crying by then.... it is actually a deadening of the original good feeling and I am always confused by this, and, being the GENIUS that I am, DRINK MORE TO COUNTERACT THIS (argh you fucking, fucking, idiot).

Am I, in some weird way, beating good feelings off? Do I feel I don't deserve them or can't bear them? I do know the booze won't work and I do feel the need to go truffling about for it RIGHT WHEN EVERYTHING IS PERFECT FOR JUST 5 SECONDS. Does my subconscious not think I deserve to feel good?

Feeling a bit sentimental on day 3 - been out for a sober dinner with people who drank (moderately - I will never, ever get over my bafflement and envy at those with the ability to do that) and got through really well with my diet coke and mint tea. But the evening was short because of it - really, there was no point in staying out without alcohol - how truly very sad is that?

Anyway, the other thing that spurred me on to leave was that I really did want to come back home and see how everyone was doing on here. I don't post that much but I so value everyone's honesty, spirit, humour and kindness to one another (if only we could all be so kind to ourselves so consistently!). It is so, so good be able to read about and talk to others in the same place as me - honestly, there is something in more or less every post that resonates so much I think 'gosh, I could have written that myself'. It is a profound relief to realise that. I think this thread is at such a good place at the moment with so much positivity and realism and I wanted to send a hug and thanks to everyone for giving me and each other so much hope and faith that this can be do-able, and maybe, even, sometimes fun along the way. Big thanks xx

Good night, Haggis and good luck. I know what you mean about the coming of the weekend. we will be strong together.
I have a hard day of meetings tomorrow and I will be thinking of you after them when I am tempted to have a glass of wine to celebrate the end of the day

Morning all. Hope everyone has healthy, happy, sober days.mabhope today is much better for you.

theScarfLady I agree- I read posts and find myself nodding along.

Right- off to do breakfasts and water plants.

Morning all.

Agree with Scarflady too - I read and identify in buckets. And know what you mean about not wanting to hang around at the end of meals - does seem rather pointless without booze. But I found it does get better - so am now less desperate to leave the minute I've finished pudding!

Supposed to be raining today ,but GORGEOUS sunshine outside right now. Hurrah.

Oh, and re. the pushy AA people -that sounds awful. AA is supposed to be a supportive, non-judgemental place - not somewhere you get hounded. Huge shame that your local meeting is a bit toxic. If there are any others vaguely nearby maybe worth a try, but if that one makes you feel grim then maybe just ditch it. Tough one

Morning everyone. Scarflady - I'm kind of dreading that. I never particularly enjoyed dinners out when I was pregnant. I like the idea though that it gets easier. My sister has a friend who has been AF For years and years and she always stays out til the bitter end. Don't know how she does it!

Lucy has a great post today about what to say to people about the whole non- drinking thing. Sorry - rubbish at links. I'm amazed that if you said you don't drink people would ask why. It's like asking someone why they are going to the doctors isn't it. Nowt as strange as folk.

Beautiful morning. Going to get some work done after kids are at school & go to my Pilates session. I recently changed from one teacher who was quite toxic, negative etc to the most wonderful lady who is not only a fabulous teacher, she's also a really warm, funny, positive person. I need more people like that in my life. Because it's one-to-one, that hour can drag if the person is moany. I'm recovering from a serious op at the end of last year so one of my goals is to really heal and get stronger.

Lots of hand holding and hugs to you wonderful women. Thursday (checks phone for date) the 19th of June! Let's do this

Morning.
Day 4!
Shouldn't really be on here as I have all-day meetings starting soon at which I have to present and am so badly prepared. Just wanted to check in to say have a good day all.
I will be thinking of you when the day is over and I will be resisting booze with every fibre of my being.
Good luck everyone

Good luck with the presentation, Mabs. And well done on your Day 4. Back in the saddle!

Lucy - I haven't got myself organised with everyone's blogs, but would love to hear your tips on what to say to people about not-drinking (as mentioned by Haggis up thread). I have been sober a good while now, but still struggle in these situation. I either end up sounding apologetic or defensive - neither ideal….. Always feels as if whatever I say creates some massive klaxon/bright sign pointing at me saying 'ALCOHOLIC'. Probably says more about my ego - after all no one really that interested in me, but you know what I mean.

Please share your tips!

Hi everyone. Bloody hell are we good or what? day 4 mab, feel positively stepfordwifeish. Cornchips 'I am so tied up in tight knots of self hatred and self loathing that it overwhelms me and I am incapable of dealing with anything but the bare necessities'. I relate to that so much. You'd laugh your head off if you met me, general consensus of folk comment on how outgoing, easygoing, confident and dynamic I am. (worried that sounds boastful, just trying to get across the paradox that I am)Hahahaha. I am such a disaster zone inside.
Feel loads calmer AF. Know what you mean re weekend Haggis but if am honest am as bad on a Mon as I am a Sat.

Am inclined to agree with Merce Guggenheim re AA, you'll feel stressed just at the thought of going. Not what it's supposed to be about really.

Feeling good but nervous on day 4. I can fall at the drop of a hat for no apparent reason.
grabbing hands all round.

Merce, re excuses am thinking of trying ' the doc gave me Naproxen for joint pain (which he did) and it kills me with indigestion (which it can do) if I drink. It's like a strong ibuprofen so not unreasonable for anyone to take it really.