Being DRY

[Bigglesfliesundone]

This is the fourth thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol completely.

It's an arduous path at times, but we're still here!

We know how easy it is to slip, and how hard it can be to stay on the road, but we also know that we can't drink 'just one'.

The thread motto is 'Watch the film to the end'

Come and have a coffee!

Hi there sonlyme. I fit that demographic to a tee, too! Only was white wine, not vodka. Try not to be scared - you can do it!! And in time it shouldn't feel like a sacrifice either - more like a new freedom. Freed from the shitty chains of King Alcohol (if that doesn't sound a bit trite). Happy to hand hold whenever. The start is so tough -and you can't believe it's going to be possible. But then the more time you get, the more the new lifestyle feels natural - or at least that's how I've found it. I barely know myself now.

I also find the RL help of AA invaluable.

Hello again. I just LOVE reading everyone's posts. :)

I like tortoise's idea of changing the routine. My trigger time- walk in the door after the school run. This afternoon- will walk in and immediately go water plants.

I am taking the day off today. I am lucky enough that I don't report to anyone really, (well, next major deadline is next week) so can do it. I feel the need for a nesting day. Food, some tidying. Sorting out some things in the house. (My refrigerator is grotesque. ) Am reading Marion Keyes 'This Charming Man'. I've only read it once...... and skipped the chapters on the alcoholic mother. Now if THAT was not a sign that I was in denial...

Rachel that is FABULOUS news. So happy for you. Just brilliant. And you got through all that stress sober. You deserve to be really proud of yourself.

Haggis - sounds like we have v. similar background re. alcoholic fathers. Mine went into treatment when I was 16 and was then pillar of AA community for about 20 years. Then stopped going to meetings (was tough as my stepmother was very ill) and eventually started drinking again. Pretty ugly again now, but he is so old he isn't scary and violent like he used to be. Like you, I never intended to be ANYTHING like him. The shame and horror when I realised I'd become an alcoholic parent was horrendous; how does it creep up on us?

Intrigued by this Chinotti stuff. Am determined to get the San Bitter next time I am near a Carluccio's (keep forgetting). Oh, and there is quite a good website called The Alcohol Free shop that does lots of interesting things. Including lots of non-alcoholic beer/wine, but personally I avoid that as don't want to trick myself into thinking I am drinking. Worry that it could lead to me wanting the real stuff again.

stealing some thoughts from 100 day challenge, my thoughts are....

Giving up

The comfort (is this reality or what I’m striving for?)
The numbness (if it really numbed me why do I get so irritable and shouty with the kids?)
The company of the glass
The glorious way that it kills the dullness of 3-7pm (change routine so 3-7pm is more relaxing)
The loveliness of red wine with a meal (reality = focus is on wine not food – i.e how much can I get in before eating?)
Sitting in the garden with a bbq and a beer (being irritable and pissed off all the time doesn’t make this the fun family day I dream of)
Relaxing on holiday (worry about hangovers and spoiling day for everyone makes me think all the time about where, when, how much etc)

In Return

More energy
Sound sleeps
The feeling of being at peace with myself
Less irritable with the kids
A calmer relationship
Get loads more done
Loads less calories
Slimmer and much less bloated
Have more money (around £45 per week - fuck, really?! )
More self respect
Less depressed
Not so angry all the time
Can drive whenever I want

Cornchips - enjoy your day. That sounds just perfect. I am feeling quite indulgent at the moment as I'm not doing much work (I work from home & for myself - the dosser's charter). But I think that's what we all need. To keep it simple and look after ourselves.

Sonlyme - what a fantastic list. I'm going to do one like that and keep it on my phone.

Merc - yup pretty similar stories. It's shocking when people have been sober for decades & fall off the wagon. But I guess it shows that once we get sober long term we will need to be aware that the old wine witch can catch up with you at any stage. I'm sorry your Dad is still drinking. My Dad was never violent. He nearly killed us a few times as he constantly drunk drove. He's not drinking at the moment but is very depressed and can't have a meaningful relationship with my sister and I.

Anyway, the big excitement here is that my milk frother has arrived. I am now a qualified barista!

sonllyme that is a great list. On the money saving- I was keeping track for the first 50-odd days of what I would have spent (bottle of wine a day, bit extra, plus when I was out) and I saved £310 by not drinking. Scary.

I agree Haggis i need to keep it simple and look after myself. I am usually going at top speed trying to fit in freelance work with DS. Today I have just shut it out. I am watching Come Dine With Me and ironing.

I have decided to stop weightwatchers too for a few days. I am reacting to the food restriction the way I usually drink- binge/starve/guilt. Have put ON 5 pounds since I started! So I am scaling back, committing myself to eating 3 healthy meals and I will review on Monday.

Ooooh! A milkfrother!!!!

That sounds pretty good. Can you let me know what you think?

One latte down and I like it. It's a mini kettle one by Dualit. But £££ but I managed to justify it. I wanted one that heated the milk as well as frothed etc. I can make hot crocs and milk shakes for the kids also.

Good for you. Some mindless telly is a great way forward! That's a heck of a lot of money saved. I shall think on that!

On my audio today Belle was talking about the necessity if giving ourselves little rewards every two days for keeping going. Can be as little as a fresh mango - but you have to say to yourself - this is for not drinking this last two days. Small & frequent rather than saving up for something big. That's just too long-term.

Hot crocs? Picturing some awful concoction featuring DS's smelly plastic footwear ....

Cornchips, not that I am guru on the topic in any way, but I think you've done the right thing on the weight watchers. All of us addict types are liable to 'use' other stuff in place of our first drug of choice and it's only natural that you'd start 'acting up' over food when you stop drinking. I think most of us have established that we all did….. Also, I think tons of calorie watching can end up having the opposite effect. FWIW, I (finally) took on board what people had been saying about eating more protein (more boring chicken breast, anyone?) and I have to say it's made a big difference to my weight and shape. Tum not like a 6-pack, but there are VISIBLE MUSCLES which is a bloody miracle. Apparently it really does make a difference what the calories come from - not just how many you consume. And protein means you burn fat and keep muscle, apparently.

And there I go banging on about food/diet when I've just said we shouldn't focus on that in early days of sobriety! Sorry - slightly random stream of consciousness. Anyway, just my experience. And I live for crap not hugely nutritious things like white bagels so quite a change for me.

Yeah, I really think you are right merce. I am desperate to lose 2 stone before a family reunion in September. But I panic. I should instead remind myself that this fairly major change I have made is a change for life, and is the start of me taking care of myself. Focus on good healthy food. water. Yoga perhaps. Okay, maybe I won't have lost 2 stone by then- but what I am really desperate for is to feel good. To feel comfortable in my own skin. It really is a change of mindset. Ditching the booze is the first, truly right step.

Pity I bought the 3 months starter subscription really..... :(

Cornchips - is the WW subscription. If you email them and say you are unexpectedly pregnant they could put it on hold. If you don't kind fibbing.

Afternoon all and congrats on another sober day so far :)
Busy thread today!!
Cornchips thanks for sharing today's blog post
Tortoise Why AA now? Feel need some more RL sober people in my life otherwise it feels somehow not real. I've also heard that 9-12 months can be tricky so I'm pre-emptively strengthening my defences. Plus I've heard so much about AA it's time for me to see what it is like and form my own opinion about it.
Must go get meet kids off school bus

Oh, and big thumbs up from me for yoga too. I started it a year ago and am loving it. Brilliant for core. Much harder work than I thought it would be.

I totally get you wanting results fast, but suspect your gut feel is right in that it would be better to make gradual, but more lasting changes to diet/lifestyle. Also sort of a way of looking after yourself/respecting yourself if that doesn't sound hugely wanky. Think if the mindset is right (and it's not all about denying yourself stuff) then it's so much more likely to succeed.

Just love this thread - glad to be back!

deep breaths. The hardest bit of this is that voice saying ' who cares?' feeling tense on day 3

and what's that shite above?

sonlyme - we care! Go on you can do it.
Day 3 for me, too - we are day 3 buddies.

Dr John can do one

Sonlyme. I'm on Day 4 - let's do this! Otherwise I'm sending your bank details to Dr John.

I've reported that post.

Serious hand holding for those needing it. I am playing monopoly with my eldest two. My DS has Aspergers and gets so ramped and horrible playing board games it would take Banki Moon to stop this erupting. Passing the wine bottle beside the cooker gave me pause. Really must just pour it away. Eating a sausage and some chips from the kids tea instead....

Lucy - I'm really impressed that you are arming yourself for the next stage. Knowledge is power. You go girl!

Pour it away Haggis. Do it now.

Don't do that to yourself. It is too much to ask of anyone. Or I will send your bank details to Dr John.

sonlyme we care!

Thanks Haggis :) You have poured it away haven't you? You don't need wine winking at you from the kitchen counter - that's just masochistic!

So pleased to hear that news Rachael
Sondlyme fantastic...to get through that meal. I also have a family underpinned with alcohol...so difficult
I have started 'Dry' and am really enjoying it.
better go

Sorry, had to go quickly, children over shoulder.

DID IT! Mab, you day 3 too? We're doing this!

Haggis, you made me laugh maybe Dr John has the answer? (would give him the fiver in my account if he did, lol) Get rid of that wine, that's way too tempting and it'll make you feel like shite anyway.

Thanks, Endingthecharade, chuffed I did it, can't say I had a good time but hey ho, did have a good sleep.

This is a good place to be this thread. Always avoided even looking at it cos I thought 'no way do I want to be DRY, just moderate' but like everyone else here I have to stop kidding myself and question why I'm making my life so hard and miserable. Can't do a shop without racing to the toilet with diaorrea, keep forgetting what I've said the day before and repeat myself an embarrassing amount and the panic that my colleagues can smell it off me.... ooh, need I go on?....

Thinking of everyone tonight in this boat.