Being DRY

[Bigglesfliesundone]

This is the fourth thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol completely.

It's an arduous path at times, but we're still here!

We know how easy it is to slip, and how hard it can be to stay on the road, but we also know that we can't drink 'just one'.

The thread motto is 'Watch the film to the end'

Come and have a coffee!

Thanks, CornChips - so nice of you to remember my presentation. Yes, it went fine, thanks - and I certainly noticed the difference being clear headed (and I suspect much more articulate as a result). I have spent years and years doing this kind of thing without exactly having a hangover as such, but definitely with a grey and foggy head, without even noticing it it was so common.

Ending, I totally echo what you say about dysfunctional drinking creeping up over time, working out the next/first drink thing (and I really hope you can sort the MIL thing - remember, 'sod it' as you say, is a good mantra!). Its only been 4 days AF for me thus far but I seem to have an awful lot more headspace now it is not cluttered up with all those mental gyrations and self-justications/bartering with myself around alcohol. Still, I'm not going to get over-confident - the weekend's going to be tricky as we are away with good drinking pals and it'll be interesting...but I am feeling as strong as I can be, anyway, and certainly a lot less scratchy than yesterday.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Morning,
Just checking in to say how well I feel since I stopped drinking. I hadn't got back to crazy levels this time and I have no desire to experience that again. I'm feeling much more positive mentally and grateful for the things I have.
I need to stay sober and keeping going to my meeting.x

Hey all,

I've decided I'm going to make some dietary changes as of today. Since I packed in drinking, I started to lose a little weight, nothing, drastic but just a slow steady slimming down, mainly on my tummy and I was really chuffed as I've always had a bit of a Buddha belly going on!

However, last couple of months I've started to get very greedy foodwise. I seem to be eating a hell of a lot, and a lot more carbs as well, mainly bread and stodge, even cake (developed a massive sweet tooth since I packed up the wine, which I know is well documented amongst those who give up booze).

So my initial weight loss has started to reverse itself and I am definitely pudging back up again. Clothes getting tighter, face looking fatter and feeling horribly bloated.

I thought about it a lot yesterday and decided I'm not going to replace one 'addiction' with another. Having packed up both smoking and drinking in the last three years and begun exercising and going to regular yoga classes, I could be in the shape of my life, but I need to sort out the diet. I don't feel great either, or not as good as I feel I could, given my cleaner lifestyle. I don't have a lot of energy and seem to want to sleep a lot and I know the fact that I'm eating all this crap really isn't helping.

So I am going to try and cut out as much of the stodge as I can, especially all the huge amounts of bread, pasta, cereals and cake. I'm going to try it for the rest of June and see how I get on - see if I feel any better, less sluggish and hopefully less bloated.

Fontella
x

hi all

Sorry to barge in with a me-me-me post but I am feeling really crappy after lapsing last night. Seriously hungover today and loathing myself. It's a beautiful day and it's ruined because I am so stupid.

I have to get back to AA I think.

Good luck fontella - that sounds so sensible and I really ought not to be far behind you! I am only on day 5 af so I think I am going to let myself do what I like food-wise for a couple of weeks, silly to put too much pressure on at once (my body won't know what's hit it!) but I can absolutely see that what you are doing makes sense thereafter, before I get too used to all the yummy carbs and chocolate (what's with that? I NEVER used to eat chocolate - well, hardly ever ). Let me know how you get on!

Woke up with stinking headache today. Grr. Feel hungover after 4 days without alcohol - that seems most unfair. Assume something to do with toxin departure? Hope so..

Enjoy the sunshine, everyone xx

Morning all

Thanks for your words of encouragement the other day, I'm back on track after my blip and have no cravings whatsoever. So whilst it a pretty grim time for me, I've dusted myself off got back to living my life the way I really want to. My sleep has been awful and the first few nights I was waking drenched in sweat but I knew it was just the process of ridding my body of poison and stuck in there. Think I'm day 5 today, but not really counting as I'm more in the mindset of "I'm not a drinker" which is helping me move on from my lapse.

queenmab I hear ya, it's awful, I was where you were on Monday but honestly, be kind to yourself as much as possible and as happened with me, I have soon pushed forward as best I can. Yeah I fucked up but no one died and I've managed to remain positive and not be dragged down by a moment's madness (OK well more of a week long madness ). Chin up lovely x

Waves to all

allhailqueenmab
Of course it's ok to be me-me-me. Who else are you going to talk about? That's what the thread is about, shared experiences. I know that feeling so well .... we've all been where you are this morning, so don't be too hard on yourself. Just drink as much water as you can, nurse yourself through the day and resolve to keep on trying.

Scarflady - I went through the no alcohol hangover phase in the first few weeks after I packed up. Most bizarre. Woke up with some humdinger headaches, dry mouth - all the usual hangover symptoms but without the drinking the night before. It does pass though I'm pleased to report.

Most noticeable early symptom for me was extreme tiredness. Never known anything like it - I'd sleep like a top all night, but by mid afternoon next day I'd be exhausted again and really struggling to stay awake, and as soon as I sat down in the evening to watch a bit of telly I'd be asleep in five minutes. That went on for weeks and although it has mainly passed now, I am still prone to nodding off in the chair much more than I used to be. I've read here and elsewhere that extreme tiredness in the first weeks and months after packing up booze is also pretty common.

Thanks Fontella.

We had a work dinner last night and I knew people were gathering beforehand in the pub. I had a late call as immediate cover for staying in the office, and deliberately did not rush to join everyone when it finished, with no desire to stand about in a pub, and thinking I could rock up just as everyone was leaving the pub to go to dinner. I had no problems with the idea of sitting in a nice restaurant, comfortably having a nice AF dinner.

but the table was booked one hour later than the time on the invitation, so when I got to the pub I was locked into an hour longer than I thought before dinner, and I hate standing up outside being smoked at and people were offering me drinks and I thought fuck it and had a glass of wine so as to bear the whole standing around outside a pub bit. Fuck fuck fuck. so then I was drinking all night and on the train home and now I am fucking pissed off and feel rotten.

In the restaurant, one of the people was talking about planning a work summer picnic with rounders, etc. i said "great idea but what shall we have as a back up plan if it rains?" he said "oh we can all just go to the pub" and I said "maybe some indoor games instead of rounders, something like bowling or even board games or something" and he said "Why? just being in the pub is fine" and I said "what if someone doesn't drink? then just being in the pub can be pretty boring" and he looked at me as if I was mad. Bear in mind that at the time I was glugging down wine and definitely did not look like a person who doesn't drink.

Hi allhailqueenmab
I agree with Fontella's wise words,another few days af and you won't worry about a one off slip. It was a tricky situation which you'd done your best to reduce temptation etc. Is there anything you could do differently next time ? Standing round in the pub or at weddings has got to be a big test of anyones sobriety.
Why do all british social events centre around drinking????? Other cultures manage to have a nice time without 15 flipping units of booze down their necks??? mad.

Hi all,
Good to catch up with you all. So glad you are feeling stronger CornChips Thanks for Friday night tips Lucy I have been to the shop after work to get the usual things, (chocolate is allowed on Fri/Sat nights for the children along with crisps to go with a film...) Usually I also buy 2 bottle of wine and will have started by now. Instead I ordered a new makeup 'stippling brush and am watching a 'tutorial' on how to apply foundation for a flawless maturing skin!
Allhail Don't beat yourself up...it adds to the vicious cycle of 'I;m a failure', I feel we women do that enough. I certainly do. Don't 'loathe' yourself. Failure is part of life but it is how one deals with it that is important..accept it happened, transcend the physical symptoms and move on up. God, how I wish I could take my own advice. But I'm thinking of you.
Scarflady Really hope this weekend goes OK. I think we are at similar stages are we not? I have go tto the stage where I dread social occasions because either I resent not being able to drink and feel boring or I drink too much and get maudlin and tearful, prob fall down, wake up with some inexpliquable bruises and feel godawful,physically and emotionally. Think how lovely you'll feel on Sat'Sun morning...there I go again. '.Physican heal thyself', or at least listen to ylourself and take heed.
Fontanella Good luck with the healthy eating, am trying my best to keep sensible too, bearing in mind the sugar/carb association with giving up ethanol.
Have received and am half way through 'Mommy doesn't drink here Anymore'. Was really grumpy with DH last night as it arrived at 9pm and required a signature. We do have separate Amazon names but I'd ordered it on his name so he opened it and said, 'I think this must be for you'. I querulously asked him why he's opened it and he pointed out it DID have his name on it. But I was still grumpy...just goes to show how we all like to hide the symptoms of our 'grubby' little secret, even with our loved ones.
Have a good weekend, all, may not have the oppotunity to post over the weekend so see you on Monday.

Oh God, I meant Fontella, NOT 'Fontanella'!

Yes, Allhail, hope you are feeling slightly less wretched. I agree that standing about in a pub/at a drinks party/wedding = incredibly tough at the beginning. My view is that it's best to try to just avoid those situations as much as possible for as long as necessary. Why do it to yourself? Realise you got slightly trapped there, but just in general I think in early sobriety there is no point in forcing yourself to endure an evening like that. Over time it gets less awful. I went to a wedding 2 weeks in and had to leave after the dinner - just couldn't' take any more effing toasts and weird looks. Since then have been to a wedding which I really enjoyed and have another this summer that I am looking forward to. Be kind to yourself where possible; it's a MASSIVE change we are all making.

xxx

Hi All.

Its me, with my self-indulgent (sorry) daily early evening post. I do find it really helpful to post around this time, when wine o'clock really starts to kick in. And it certainly is kicking in on my first AF friday in - ooh, years, and years. Though I still have my af hangover from this morning pulsing away, so perhaps that will dissuade me from thinking about wine too much - I still feel grumpy to have those symptoms when I'm being so virtuous but am v grateful to you Fontella for reassuring me its normal - and the tiredness too! I feel permanently shattered at the moment.

Ending - fingers crossed for us both this weekend! Will check in to see how you're doing! Love your stippling brush and DH amazon story. To my shame today DP mentioned - just in passing - that it was nice not seeing me drink out of the kids' plastic cup any more! I didn't say anything but was mortified - for months I've been using one of their navy blue cups for any afternoon/sneaky drinking (on the stupid pretence that perhaps it masked the colour of the wine ..). Amazing what you can persuade yourself is normal and won't be noticed! Apparently the fact that I got steadily more pissed was the giveaway. Duh. Its only been five days and I know I could lose focus at any point, but I feel a long way away from that kind of thinking/behaviour right now, and oddly as though that was almost a different person's reasoning. What's odd is that DP never said anything at all, ever, about my drinking. Given that he clearly knew something if not the full story, I find that strange. Mind you, I never said anything to him either - I suspect in a funny sort of way we were trying to protect one another, or (in my case at least) not accept it was 'real' by acknowledging it openly.

CornChips hope you're still feeling chipper today (see what I did there ?!). QueenMab hope your day has got better and please don't beat yourself up over something we've all done and will (probably, but I hope not) do again. I hope you can enjoy the weekend and feel better soon.

Enjoy the sun!

Hello everyone. Hi ScarfLady I am indeed chipper. :) It is trigger time for me too right now, and I have displacement-eaten a bread and butter sandwich, a salmon fillet (my dinner) 2 leftover sausages (DS's dinner) and some ice cream. I am not even going to log that into my WW app, but I am not drinking. :)

QueenMab sorry to hear of your lapse - your frustration was so palpable. But yes, that was a real tough situation. I went to a party a few days in my first time and everyone was drunk and I thought I really needed a drink to stop everyone else being so bloody boring. I feel like I am back at the beginning though after my latest slip- am crushingly tired. Sugar cravings all over the place.

Scarf good luck this weekend and going away with your friends. :)

I was/am a classic hider too..... filling white wine bottles up with water.... over Christmas I hid a couple of bottles in my wardrobe (where the no drinking books are now!) so I could top up just to get through it all. Drinking out of sippy cups. Yep. My closest friend growing up had an alcoholic mother- she used to drink whiskey out of coffee cups while she drove us around to various girl guide events. What amazes me now is that my parents knew this.

I had the Friday night wibbles too. I had all the usual thoughts going through my head 'you don't really have a problem... no-one would blame you for having a glass of wine on a Friday night' i had it all occupying my headspace. Then when I went to pick up DS from school he was sitting looking a little anxious, and when he saw me his whole face lit up. I nearly cried. I just have to do this for him as much as for me.I could not bear for him to have an emotionally absent alcoholic mother. My mother has a whole range of issues that she really did not get sorted out until I was in my my 30s. I would hate for DS to feel about me the way I feel about my DM. Resentful, guilty, angry.

The evening plan - Jasmine tea. A hot shower. A face mask. Bed.

Hope everyone is fine and has a great evening. :)

CornChips - love, love, love that para about your DS. Made me a bit weepy for some reason (my emotions are all over the place) but you are SO right. If I can't do this for my girls and for our relationship then I really am no kind of mother at all. Enjoy your relaxing evening - bet I'm asleep before you (though we are currently at a critical juncture in Breaking Bad so may push the boat out and watch two episodes back to back - exciting stuff . It is a novelty, though, being able to remember what happened from one episode to the next). Sleep well.

Hi all,

Hope you're enjoying the lovely weather.

All this talk of weddings has got me nervous. We have one in July. Now I've been to weddings and stayed sober in the past, as I've mentioned in earlier posts, but this one is going to be tough. I just know it's going to be so boozy, loads of time waiting around after ceremony but before wedding breakfast where the champagne will be flowing. It gets a bit boring in my experience. No DC allowed either so I won't have them as a distraction.

Argh, baby DD on the loose and after my phone. Posting before she eats this post.

Morning all.

Hope you are all enjoying the lovely lovely day.

Hoping for a bit of advice, friends. I have a tough situation coming up tonight. My closest friend- who is the kindest, most lovely person has been rather horribly and callously dumped by her BF, who is busy parading his new flame in our rather small village. She is utterly devastated, and yesterday rang and said she was wanting to come around tonight for chinese, a dvd and a bottle of wine and cry on my shoulder. I don't want to tell her I am not drinking (we often 'stopped for Lent' together) because I don;t want to make it all about me, but also if i obviously don;t drink, then I feel she will not feel comfortable to just relax, and let go. We have seen each other lots the past few months, but always I have been driving, or it has been during the day so the not-drinking issue has not come up.

Any tips? My current idea is that I keep the wine in my fridge and make sure that I am pouring her a glass then pouring me apple juice. Then just drinking a bit more slowly. I know that probably sounds silly, and I should just tell her, but I am feeling awkward and it might make it awkward.

I am probably overthinkingit- would not be the first time! Any thoughts/ideas/tips?

Otherwise, I have a glorious day in the garden planned, and a trip to a stately home which is holding a summer fete.

That's very hard CornChips and whilst I understand the dilemma, I really think that you should have you at the front of your mind in this situation. You would not have drunk tonight if it weren't for this situation cropping up and you must not let it get in the way of your resolve. Too many times we put other people first, to our detriment.
Now, I'm not saying don't see her; she obviously needs you and values your support and friendship. But what she needs tonight is love, support and friendship, not a drinking pal...and you can do all of that and keep your resolve...don't abdicate your needs for other people's, that's how a lot of us got here in the first place.
How to manage it?
If it were me, I would write down the promise that I won't drink tonight so that it is 'in hard copy' so to speak. Go out today to lovely stately home and buy some really lovely non alcoholic drink and chiil it. I would also fill up on food beforehand (chinese or no chinese) just to offset the empty hole needing to be satisfied.
She will love you all the same and you will wake up tomorrow feeling so much better.
I wish you so well and will be thinking of you. We too are going to a NT property, it's such a lovely day.
We had a lovely evening last night at Wagamam's celebrating end of AS exams for DD17 but I had the rawest of days yesterday and spent most of it feeling fragile, bruised and a bit (pity me) misunderstood. I will post more tomorrow.

I meant to say...Remember, your worth lies not in your ability to drink with someone else but in your loveliness as a friend.

I am very ashamed to say hat i have lapsed. several times

7 months sober; thrown away I went away with my children at 1/2 term. Managed 3 days sober and than drank for 3 days. Not heavily (well not THAT heavily for me) and then stopped when I came home. But yesterday i went out for lunch with DH and even though he suggested we not drink, No I had to order a bottle of prosecco, and then another one. And then some more....

And today I feel weak, ashamed and anxious that this is the top of the slidey slope. That I will never be able to be sober again. I feel heavy eyed, hungover and ashamed today. The only plus point is that I did not drink in front of the kids yesterday.

FFS I cant even do this right {sad} and this is another self indulgent me me me me post

sorry

Brilliantly put, Ending. You can be there 100% for your friend without drinking. We are off to see some sculptures in an NT garden today - clearly we are all being v cultural and making the most of the fine weather. Long may it last! xx

Oh Sorcha, I wondered where you had gone as we hadn't heard from you for a while. Really sorry to hear you are feeling so horrid. You KNOW you can do it - you managed 7 months. And they happened - so not really 'thrown away'. Easier said than done, I know, but maybe try to just focus on the moment. Today. Not what happened yesterday/last week. Today you can control. The past you can't. Me me me posts are what it's all about. Sharing our stories and trying to support each other is how we can all try to stay sober .None of us are saints so please try not to beat yourself up. Sending loads of support and empathy.

Sorcha Didn't want to ignore your post.
Even though you are feeling awful today, remember the plus point; you did not drink in front of the children.
Concentrate on the good points, may not fell like many but remember, you stopped for 7 MONTHS! You are NOT sliding again; see this as a discrete event in the whole process. You will feel better tomorrow and full of resolve again, I;m sure you will. Reflect by all means but don't dwell on the destructive elements of what sent you there, it's a mere blip...I so wish I could have written what you wrote today....'7 months sober'...Gosh, well done. And move on up the recovery process. Good luck for today...lots of nice food, an early night and things will be a lot better tomorrow.

Sodding alcohol. As they say in AA, it's 'cunning baffling and powerful'. Tricks you into thinking you can handle it SO easily. Sneaks up on you when you least expect it.

Sorcha, you're here and you're sober or you're wanting to be sober, all of which Is hugely positive. Stay with us.

charade, you made me laugh about being grumpy with your dh! What do you think of the book?

Reading threads about the partners of alcoholics today. It really strikes me how much the same denial tricks seem to occur; oh, he is sober today so he's probably fine, all our friends drink like this, etc. It makes me realise far more, now, that my old assumption that if I had a real problem surely dh would say something, was ludicrous. He had almost as much to lose by naming it as I did. Not that I was ever horrible to him like the poor posters I'm reading, but the rest is resonant. Oh, it's such an awful thing. Fucking alcohol.